You Were Mine
by lhj385
Summary: Life is perfect for the Friends until tragedy strikes...
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note

I have written several fanfics but this is the first one I have uploaded. I will try to update fairly often , but please read and review because I want to know what you all think. Anyway, thanks for reading. Enjoy!

You Were Mine

Chapter 1

Disclaimer: The characters featured in this story do not belong to me, but to Bright, Kaufmann and Crane.

This story begins just after Rachel has given birth to Emma at the end of Season Eight. The whole Joey and Rachel thing never happened and Joey didn't inadvertently propose to Rachel.

Rachel lay back in the hospital bed. She was exhausted but happy, happier than she could ever have imagined being. She looked down at her daughter sleeping in the crib by her side and thought how wonderful life was at that very moment. There was a knock on the door and then Ross entered. He smiled at her then handed her a bunch of beautiful white lilies, her favourite flowers. She put her finger to her lips to warn Ross to be quiet.

"Isn't she beautiful?" Rachel whispered.

"Yeah, and it's all down to you Rach," replied Ross "How are you feeling now?" "Oh I'm okay, tired but okay, have the others gone home?" She asked

"Yeah, um Rach there was something I wanted to er ask you." Ross said "The thing is over these past few months, we've been getting along great, just like old times and well I've realised that I want more."

"Really, well yeah I guess I've kinda been having similar thoughts," Rachel confessed, "and when you kissed me, it just brought all the old feelings rushing back to the surface."

"Are you sure? You're not just saying that?" Ross questioned

"No I'm sure. I guess it's just meant to be with us."

"Well then, Rachel Karen Greene, would you do me the honour of becoming my wife…again!" he added as an afterthought.

"I'd love to." She replied happily as he slid the beautiful diamond engagement ring onto her finger.

Ross and Rachel kissed deeply and passionately as they looked forward together to their new life as a family with their baby daughter, and they both felt that somehow they had eventually reached their destiny. A place they were meant to be together. There had been many tears and heartache along the way, but now all that was forgotten and forgiven.

Nine months later on a beautiful sunny but cold December morning Ross and Rachel were married. They had a small ceremony with Phoebe and Monica as maids of honour and Chandler and Joey as best men. Monica carried baby Emma in her arms and Ben walked by the side of his aunt as they followed Rachel down the aisle. Their closest family and friends looked on and smiled as Ross and Rachel took their vows and made their promises to each other. Ross and Rachel smiled at each other as the vicar pronounced them man and wife and each saw in the others eyes their love for each other.

The reception was held in the function room of a large hotel and as Rachel sat with her new husband at the head of the table she looked round her and thought that from now on life would be perfect. Rachel glanced at Chandler and at Monica sitting beside him. She had confided in Rachel and Phoebe just before the wedding that she was pregnant and Rachel recognised the happy glow that seemed to emanate from her friend. She knew a child was the one thing that would complete her friend's happiness. When Emma was born, Rachel knew that Monica had been overjoyed for her, but there had been a sadness in her eyes that gave away her own longing for a child. As she looked around her, Rachel realised that all her friends lives were coming together and she realised with a jolt that they were all growing up.

Joey's acting career was going from strength to strength and after his performance in the world war one movie he had been in demand for television and films. He had eventually taken up the offer of returning to Days Of Our Lives as the long lost brother of Doctor Drake Ramoray, Carl. He had boosted the show's ratings overnight and was becoming more and more successful. He still didn't have a regular girlfriend, but Rachel concluded, maybe he just wasn't that type of guy.

Likewise Phoebe seemed happier than ever, she had become involved with a man called Steve and they were even considering moving in together. Steve was really great and he had quickly become an accepted member of their tight knit group. Rachel thought that he was good for Phoebe, he gave her roots, something she had never had and like her he had had a hard life from an early age after his father had been killed in a car crash when he was just nine. His mother had just fallen apart and began drinking until Steve had ended up taking care of her as well as going to school and looking after his younger brother. For all his problems however, Steve was a well rounded and friendly person just like Phoebe. As Rachel mused on this she glanced round at Phoebe and Steve sitting side by side apparently whispering to each other. He was a good looking guy too. He had blondish hair and sparkling blue eyes and was quite tall.

Finally, Rachel looked at her new husband whose hand was clasped in her own. He looked so handsome in his tux and as she watched him he looked round and smiled at her, that special smile that she loved so much, his deep brown puppy dog eyes looked at her longingly and she grinned. Emma sat on his lap apparently absorbed in playing with his bow tie which was rapidly becoming worse for wear. She was growing so fast Rachel mused but she looked so cute in her little frilly dress, it was a wonder she hadn't got it messy yet.

As Chandler got up to make his speech the room fell silent. Chandler had been Ross's best man at his weddings to both Carol and Emily and everyone wondered what he would say this time around. He cleared his throat. "Well, er welcome everyone to Ross's wedding 2002, it's becoming quite a regular event and I'd just like to say hi to old friends and regular attendees and welcome to new members of the Ross's wedding club." He glanced at Ross, who just looked at him silently before continuing. "Well all joking apart and for once I am deadly serious now I'd just like to say congratulations to Ross and Rachel and thank goodness you finally realised this was what you wanted, I don't think any of us could have coped with much more of the Ross and Rachel rollercoaster. It's so great that two of my best friends have got together again and I'd just like to wish you all the luck in the world and I can't say anything more than I hope you are as happy as Monica and I are. Speaking of Monica, I believe there's something she and I would like to tell you all." He pulled Monica to her feet and put his arm around her as she began to speak. "Well I'd just like to add my congratulations to Ross and Rachel on their long awaited wedding and wish them good luck, but we've also got some news that might please you all. I'm pregnant." There were gasps of amazement around the room and then cheers and cries of congratulations went up around the room.

Rachel looked happily at her friend, she knew she had been bursting to tell everyone her wonderful news and she didn't mind her doing it at her wedding. The friends were suddenly surrounded by people hugging each other but when some semblance of order had been returned to the room, Joey got up and everyone hushed up to hear what he had to say. "Well I don't quite know how I'm gonna follow that fantastic news especially when Chandler's already said pretty much what I was gonna say, but here goes." He glanced down at a piece of paper in his hand. "Rachel when I first saw you that day in Central Perk in that wedding dress, I thought wow, she's hot and I still think that to this day, but I've also realised there is much more to you than that. You are funny, clever, care passionately about your friends, your daughter, your job and you always want the best for everyone. I know that you deserve to be happy and I know you will be with Ross, because when I first met Ross I thought he was kinda geeky, well I still think that, but over the years I have learned that he is a true friend, he is so intelligent and will forget more over his lifetime than I will ever know and he has a total and complete love for Rachel. So I know that my two great friends will be happy together forever. Good luck."

Everyone clapped as Joey took a bow and sat down. Rachel leaned across to him, "Aww, Joey that's so sweet, thank you." He smiled at his friend and saw genuine happiness in her eyes, and realised that his long held dream would now never be realised. The truth was that Joey had loved Rachel for years. As he had said when he first clapped eyes on her that day he had realised how beautiful she was, and over the years those feelings had grown. He had never felt that way about any other woman and now believed that he never would. However, he had made up his mind many years ago never to reveal the secret he kept in his heart unless one day Rachel felt the same way about him. He truthfully wanted her to be happy and if she was happy with Ross that was good enough for him.

Finally Phoebe got up to speak, she was unsure of what to say especially after Joey's uncharacteristically emotional speech. "As the last person to speak, and I do like to have the last word as Ross will testify from our many arguments over gravity, evolution and my mother being in a cat all I want to say is that I hope you will both be truly happy together forever and if you ever need your auras cleaning you know where to come. You guys are like the real family I never had and I hope that even though we are all growing up and moving on with our lives that we can stay like that tight knit family we are, and as we grow and welcome new members like little Emma, Chandler and Monica's baby and Steve we can only grow stronger. So good luck to everyone for the future."

There was more clapping as Phoebe finished her speech and the music began to play. Couples got up from their tables to dance and finally only the original six were left sitting as Steve had gone off to fetch drinks and had stopped to talk to people on the way. The friends looked round at each other and at that moment they felt closer than they had ever been. They realised that they didn't need speeches to show each other how much they loved each other. Just being there was good enough.


	2. Chapter 2

Authors Note

So here is the second chapter, still not a huge amount of action, but it is coming! I just had to set the scene first, plus I kind of like the mushy stuff. Hope you all enjoy. Thanks to those who read and reviewed. It is very much appreciated.

You Were Mine

Chapter 2

Disclaimer: The characters featured in this story do not belong to me, but to Bright, Kaufmann and Crane.

Ross and Rachel left for their honeymoon the following day, leaving Emma with Monica and Chandler. They were only going away for a week as Rachel didn't want to leave Emma for too long even though she knew she would be well looked after by her friends. Also it would be Christmas in only ten days time. The newlyweds were headed for Florida to enjoy some winter sun, returning a few days before Christmas which as usual they would celebrate at Chandler and Monica's.

On Christmas morning Rachel woke early and climbed out of bed to look out of the window. Snow was falling gently covering the normally busy streets in a thick white carpet. As she watched from the window the sun began to rise in the east in a great ball of fire reflecting dazzlingly off the snow. She heard a movement behind her as Ross woke. She whispered to him and he quickly joined her at the window where they watched the beautiful sunrise together. Presently they heard noises coming from Emma's room and together they went to wish her a happy Christmas, even though she didn't really know what was going on. Rachel lifted her daughter out of her crib and carried her through to their bedroom. There they quickly climbed back in bed and helped their daughter open her stocking. She was only ten months old and seemed far more interested in the wrapping paper than the actual presents but nothing seemed to matter on this perfect morning. Their daughter's first Christmas and their first together as a married couple.

Later in the morning the family went to Chandler and Monica's apartment where as usual Monica was freaking out about the dinner and Chandler was making it worse by cracking jokes and winding her up. Everyone knew by now that this was part of their Christmas traditions and took no notice. As usual dinner was excellent thanks to Monica's cooking skills. This year, Monica had let Phoebe make the dessert and it was far more successful than Rachel's English trifle had been all those years ago. They laughed now over that memory and the many other funny things that had happened to them over the years, while Steve wanted to know all their stories. After dinner, when the washing up had been done and everyone was settled on the couch or on the floor the serious business of present opening began. Emma babbled excitedly as Rachel helped her open her presents and Monica and Chandler shared a secret smile that next year they too would be helping their child open their presents. When Emma had opened all her presents Rachel put her down for her nap and the adults opened their presents.

Joey watched Rachel longingly as she cuddled in the big armchair with Ross as they opened their presents. He had wanted to get her something really special for Christmas as he wanted to every year, but he realised he couldn't for fear of arousing suspicion. The others would think it strange. Instead he got her a pretty silver necklace that he knew she would like. She seemed pleased with his present and he hoped she wouldn't swap it for something else. Later she came over to him. "Joey, thanks for the necklace, it's gorgeous. I love it."

"You won't swap it then?" he asked anxiously.

"No, never."

"Good, I wanted to get you something you would like, and that you would wear often."

"Yeah, I'll wear it all the time. Did you like your present?" she asked. Rachel had gotten Joey the DVD set of all three Die Hard films.

"Oh yeah, you know Die Hard is my favourite film, I'll have to have a marathon day and watch all three." He grinned.

"Oh good, well I better go fetch Emma, she'll probably want her nappy changing." As Rachel left him, Joey looked after her. It seemed that everyday it got harder to keep his feelings secret. Each day he wanted to tell her how he felt, but he knew he never would. He loved her but he wouldn't spoil her happiness with Ross. He couldn't hurt her or Ross like that. They were like his family and he would never do that to family. She was a great mother to Emma as well. She had taken to the role like a duck to water and he knew that in the not too distant future she and Ross would probably want to have more children. Oh well he would have to get used to it and get through it the best he could just like everything else. As he looked around the room, it seemed he was the only one without anyone special by his side. However Joey wasn't one for moping around so he determined to make the best of a bad situation.

So another year passed and Ross and Rachel's love seemed to grow stronger everyday. Rachel realised that she was happier than she had ever been and her and Ross were getting along wonderfully. After that first Christmas they had settled into a steady routine. Rachel was only working part time in order to spend more time with her daughter, so it was usually Ross who got up first to shower and get breakfast ready. While he was doing this, Rachel would attend to Emma's needs and get her ready for the day. If she was going to be working she would drop her off at Ross's parents on her way to work. If she had the day off she would often take Emma to the park or go shopping. She and Monica spent a lot of time together especially as Monica's pregnancy progressed, but Rachel always made sure to be home before Ross so she could make him dinner and spend as much time with him as possible.

Monica and Chandler's baby was born on 2 June. They decided to call their daughter Katy, and so another addition to the friends' family had arrived. After the baby was born and Monica was on maternity leave Rachel, Monica and often Phoebe as well would spend at least part of each day together. They went shopping, to the park, or just sat at home and gossiped. The only problem was that even though Monica had always wanted to be a mother she didn't take to the role as well as Rachel had done, and though she loved her daughter totally she didn't want to spend all her time stuck at home with her and when her maternity leave was up she was quite happy to go back to full time work while Rachel looked after both Emma and Katy on her days off.

Rachel realised that she was enjoying her work less and less and just wanted to be at home with the children, she had also started to think that she would like to have another child. One day she mentioned this to Ross when they were relaxing after dinner. "Ross, could we talk about something?"

"Yeah course, you don't have to ask you know," he said teasingly "what's up?"

"Well, lately when I'm at work I've felt that I really don't want to be there, I just want to be here with Emma and Katy, and I was wondering, do you think we could manage if I gave up work?"

"Are you sure you want to give up work?" he questioned "You used to love it so much."

"Yeah I know, but I just don't care anymore, I mean I'm still interested in fashion, but I'm not really bothered if Ralph Lauren has a certain sweater on their shelves or if I should order more halternecks in lemon yellow. It seems like a fantasy world and the real world is here with the children. What do you think?"

"We could probably manage without your wage, but things would be a bit tighter around here. I don't mind if you don't and it would save Mom and Dad looking after the kids all the time."

"Yeah, I'd love to, you know my heart's just not in it any more Ross, and well there is something else, I, um, kinda…"

"What?"

"I want another baby."

"I'm so glad you said that, I was hoping you might. I want another baby too."

"So, are we trying to get pregnant?"

"Yeah, I guess. Wanna start now?"

"Of course!"

So Ross and Rachel began trying for another baby although they didn't tell their friends that's what they were doing. At the same time she also gave up her job and began looking after Emma and Katy full time. Emma was now just over one and a half years old, while Katy was just four months. While Ross and Rachel's relationship went from strength to strength, so did Phoebe and Steve's. They had moved in together just after Christmas and for both of them it was the most serious relationship they had ever been in. They had both decided to take it slowly and they found themselves growing closer all the time. The only problem between them was that Steve had confessed to Phoebe that he was infertile and so they could never have children of their own. At first Phoebe had been quite upset about this, but being a level headed person she had come around to the idea of adoption and she now felt that they could offer a home to a child who had no parents like herself. However this was further in the future as they felt they needed more time together before they launched themselves into that challenge.

By the time Ross and Rachel's first wedding anniversary came around Rachel had discovered she was pregnant. She kept the news to herself at first, hugging her precious secret. On the morning of their anniversary Ross woke first. He untangled himself from the still sleeping Rachel and went to make them a pot of tea. When he returned to the room, she was still sleeping and as he looked at her, arms and legs flung out across the bed it hit him again how beautiful she was and how lucky he was to have her. He leaned over and kissed her gently on the lips. She stirred and opened her eyes looking up at him. Once she was awake they kissed more passionately before they broke apart and just lay together savouring each other's company. Ross reached over to his bedside table and handed her a flat package. She tore off the wrapping to reveal a silver ring with tiny little gems dotted around it. She smiled at Ross and then kissed him again. "It's perfect. Thank you." He slipped it onto her finger and she gazed at it sparkling. Then she reached over a brought out his present. He unwrapped it eagerly and found a new book that he had wanted and a tie with a dinosaur pattern on it. "Do you like it?" Rachel asked him anxiously.

"Yeah, thanks Rach. I can wear this to work."

"Well that's not really your main present, this is." Rachel said mysteriously as she grabbed his hand and placed it on her belly. She smiled up at him, her eyes full of happiness. "I'm pregnant!"

"Oh Rach that's fantastic, are you sure?"

"Yeah I took a test, but I'll do another one if you want."

"No I believe you. We'll have to get you to the doctor."

"Yeah, but that can wait 'til tomorrow. Ross, we don't have to tell everyone yet do we?"

"No of course not, we can keep it our secret for a while."

The next day Rachel visited the doctor with Ross by her side. Her pregnancy was confirmed and her due date calculated to be 22 July. She also got an appointment to have an ultrasound the following week to which Ross once again accompanied her. As she climbed up on the bed at the hospital where she would have her scan, Rachel voiced the question that had been worrying her ever since she had discovered she was pregnant. "Ross will we have enough money for this new baby?"

"Yeah, don't worry honey, we've got some saved up, and we've still got all Emma's old stuff, so we won't have to buy all new like we did before. Everything's gonna be okay, you'll see."

Even with Ross's assurances, Rachel still had a funny niggling feeling that all would not be well. She just couldn't put her finger on it, so she decided to stop worrying about it for the time being. Just then, the doctor entered to do the scan. Rachel lay very still as the gel was spread over her tummy, holding tightly to Ross's hand. Suddenly they heard the baby's heartbeat pulsing on the monitor and saw the movement of the baby, but it sounded different to before when she had had the scan for Emma. The doctor looked closely at the screen before looking at the expectant couple before her. "Is everything alright?" Ross questioned worriedly.

"Yes everything's fine," the doctor assured them, "In fact this scan shows that you are expecting twins! Congratulations."

"What are you sure? Twins? Really?" asked Rachel.

"Yes, definitely twins, now if you listen carefully you can hear the two heartbeats quite separately and if you look at the monitor, there's one baby and there's the other." She pointed out the babies on the monitor while Ross and Rachel looked in amazement and shock. "Now I realise this will probably be a shock to you, but there's no reason to foresee any problems. The only thing is that twins tend to be born slightly prematurely, but it's nothing to worry about at the moment."

Rachel and Ross left the hospital in a daze, they still couldn't quite get their heads around the fact that there would be two babies, but they knew that together they would be fine. "When do you wanna tell everyone?" Ross asked Rachel.

"I think we should leave it until after Christmas, get that over and done with first." Rachel answered "Now I'd better go and collect Emma and Katy from your parents and you'd better get off to work."

"Are you gonna be okay looking after them both by yourself all day?"

"Of course I am. Ross, I'm not ill, I'm just pregnant and I expect Phoebe will come over later anyway. We're taking the kids to see Santa at Macy's."

"What about Monica?"

"Oh she has to work this evening, but she's got this afternoon off, we're meeting her from the restaurant at 2.30."

"Right well look after yourself, and I'll see you later, give my love to Emma."

"Will do."

They kissed goodbye before Ross headed off to the university and Rachel headed for home where she found Judy playing with Emma on the couch while Katy slept in her cot.

"Oh hello Rachel dear, we were just wondering when you'd be back. They've both been very good all morning haven't you precious?"

"Hey mummy, pick me up, Katy been crying, grandma play bricks with me."

"Hey darling, you've been good then have you, that makes a change. Come on lets get you some lunch and then we're going with Auntie Phoebe and Auntie Monica to visit Santa."

"Well I must get going Rachel, see you soon. Bye precious."

Soon Phoebe arrived, bringing Joey with her and they all set off to collect Monica from the restaurant, Rachel pushing Emma's pushchair and Phoebe carrying Katy in the baby sling. As they walked along the pavement laughing and chattering, Joey thought how well motherhood suited Rachel and she seemed even happier than usual today. He wondered what it would be like if she was the mother of his children rather than Ross's, it was something he often thought about and as he watched her with her daughter and her niece that familiar longing hit him once again. He wondered if anyone knew the pain that it caused him to see her so happy with Ross. However he didn't begrudge her happiness and he was grateful that if he couldn't be with her then there was no-one better than Ross to look after her. He also valued the strong and trusting friendship that had developed between himself and Rachel over the years. He would never do anything to jeopardise that. If he couldn't have her love at least he could have her friendship.


	3. Chapter 3

Authors Note

Well thank you to those people who reviewed – here is the next chapter of the story, it's kind of short but I will be putting more up soon. To tini243, thanks for your review, I hope you keep reading and I hope you can see why what happens had to happen. (if that makes any sense!)

Anyway, enjoy.

You Were Mine

Chapter 3

Christmas day arrived once again and as the year before all the friends celebrated together. This year of course Katy was also present although like Emma the year before she didn't really know what was going on. Now that Emma was nearly two years old she had some idea of what was happening although she still preferred the wrapping paper to the presents. That Christmas was made extra special by Phoebe and Steve's surprise announcement.

"So guys we've kinda got something we wanna tell you all," announced Phoebe suddenly during the middle of dinner. Everyone looked up expectantly as they waited for Phoebe and Steve to reveal their news. "It's just that we've decided to move in together. We thought it was finally time to move on with our relationship so we're both gonna live in my apartment."

"Oh Pheebs that's fantastic," said Rachel "I'm so happy for both of you, congratulations." She got up to hug her friends and all of a sudden everyone was hugging each other and congratulating Phoebe and Steve on their new adventure together. As the confusion around the table continued Joey suddenly found himself in Rachel's arms. The emotion that suddenly overwhelmed him as he felt her touch, her body against his, smelled her hair forced him to hurriedly push her aside and rush from the room. He ran into his apartment which since Chandler and Monica's wedding he had occupied by himself and slammed the door. He leant against it breathing heavily. He felt suddenly frightened that his feelings for Rachel were so strong and it seemed to him so obvious. He vowed to himself that he would have to keep them better hidden otherwise one day he knew someone would find out. Of course he and Rachel had hugged and touched before, many times, but it had never affected him like this before. Meanwhile Rachel was equally bewildered, wondering what had made Joey push her aside so fast. She ran over the hall and banged on his door. "Joey, Joey are you okay?" she called. He heard her calling and slowly turned around and opened the door to face her. His heart missed a beat at the sight of her face and it was a minute before he was able to say anything. "Joey what's the matter? Are you ill?" Rachel questioned.

"I, er, no…er yeah, yeah, I just felt kinda ill. I didn't wanna throw up on you," he lied. He hated lying to her, and seeing her concerned face made it even worse. "Probably something I ate…yeah, I'll be okay in a bit."

"Do you want me to get you anything?" she asked.

"Er, no thanks I'll be alright thanks, I think I'll just lie down for a bit, yeah."

"Oh well okay, we're just over the hall if you want anything."

"Yeah thanks. You're the best Rach," He slowly turned around and closed the door as Rachel went back across the hall. He sank down on the floor leaning against the closed door and held his head in his hands. Why did he have to feel like this? And about Rachel of all people. Why did life have to be so complicated? Once again as he did so often these days he thought about leaving New York, going to live somewhere else, somewhere where he wouldn't see Rachel everyday, but he knew he never would because life without her wasn't worth contemplating. He felt he would never survive without seeing her face everyday, hearing her laughter and chatter, talking to her. Though it was hurting him now he knew the pain would be much worse if she weren't there, if he couldn't dream that one day she would be his. So he stayed and each day the pain got worse and he became more and more besotted with her. He reminded himself that he could never let Rachel know how he felt and that he must keep a firmer hold on his feelings if she or the others were never to find out.

As the new year fast approached, Ross and Rachel realised they couldn't keep her pregnancy secret much longer. She was beginning to develop a tiny bump already and was bursting to tell everyone the wonderful news. Accordingly they chose New Years Eve to break their silence. As they gathered in Monica and Chandler's apartment, everyone reminisced about the events of the past year and spoke of their hopes for the next. Phoebe and Steve were looking forward to beginning their new life together. They laughed at all their indecision over the past year and both had high hopes that things could only continue to get better for both of them. Monica and Chandler told of their happiness at Katy's birth and Chandler's continued promotion at his office although no-one liked to tell him that they still didn't really know what he did. Joey characteristically reported on his dates of the past year and no-one seemed to notice that there became fewer each year. It seemed to him that everyone was so busy being happy they didn't notice his problems. Partly he was thankful for this as he didn't want anyone to know the cause of his torment. It wasn't that he was unhappy exactly, he had plenty in his life to be thankful for and he knew that, it was just that he felt that something was missing. And that something was Rachel.

Finally it came to Ross and Rachel to tell of their hopes for the following year. With a quick smile at each other, Ross cleared his throat "Well we've had a fantastic and busy year, what with celebrating Emma's first birthday and all the stuff with work, me getting promoted, Rachel giving up and all that, but I have a feeling the next year is gonna get even busier, 'cos well…"

"I'm pregnant!" Rachel interrupted impatiently "with twins…!" she announced quickly before everyone started getting excited. At this excellent news it seemed all hell broke loose in the room as the girls yelled with excitement and the guys congratulated Ross and patted him on the back. No-one seemed to notice Joey sat stock still on the couch staring straight ahead of him as he felt his heart being wrenched out yet again. Suddenly he came back to life as Rachel addressed him, "Joey, isn't it great, I can't wait 'til they're born, nearly seven months to wait yet though…Joey?"

"Oh yeah Rach, it's fantastic, congratulations," he replied quickly. It seemed to him that his torment could only get worse but Rachel was happy and that pleased him more than anything.

Inevitably after Ross and Rachel had dropped their bombshell talk turned to babies and families and Joey sitting between Chandler and Phoebe on the couch surrounded by his friends had never felt more alone. He tried to join in the chatter but the thought that Rachel was pregnant again kept hitting him. The problem was that it was when she was pregnant before that the love he felt for her really hit him. Before that he had realised that he liked her and wished their friendship could become something more but he had never felt this gut wrenching pain. He had still been able to go out with other girls and have a good time without picturing her face all the time. His life had been normal. Now she seemed to occupy every waking thought and many of his dreams as well.

As the bells rang out to welcome in the New Year, Joey was the only one without anyone to kiss and he knew this was how it would always be for him from now on.


	4. Chapter 4

You Were Mine

Chapter 4

As winter started to give way to spring and the slush that lined the New York streets began to melt, Rachel's pregnancy progressed. By the end of March she had a fairly large bump despite the fact she still had nearly four months left of her pregnancy. Ross seemed to find her incredibly sexy and she enjoyed all the attention he was prepared to lavish on her. One day at the beginning of April when the weather had been horrible all day Rachel was round at Monica's. The two friends were in the kitchen chatting while Monica prepared dinner. Katy was in her playpen and Emma was toddling around chattering away in her own little language. Suddenly Rachel felt a sharp pain in her belly and she gasped.

"Rachel what's the matter?" asked Monica as she turned around from her cooking to see her friend bent over, with tears of pain pouring from her eyes.

"I, I… I think it's those Braxton hicks' thingies again," she gasped "It really hurts,"

"Come on lets get you to the hospital," said Monica alarmed at the amount of pain Rachel seemed to be in.

"No, its okay, I'll be alright in a minute," said Rachel as the pain temporarily disappeared. She sat up and Monica got her a glass of water. Suddenly however the pain hit her again, rolling over her in waves and she moaned.

"Right, I'm calling you an ambulance, you look terrible."

"No its okay, we'll just go in a cab," gasped Rachel.

Monica quickly ran over the hall to ask Joey to look after the girls and then they left.

Fifteen minutes later the two friends arrived at the hospital where Rachel was quickly examined by a doctor. He confirmed that she was suffering from Braxton hick's contractions, but wanted to keep her in overnight for observation. Monica called Ross on his mobile but it was switched off so she had to leave a message. She sat with her friend while they waited for Ross to arrive. For once they didn't talk much as Rachel struggled to cope with the pain hoping that Ross would arrive soon. Over an hour later he still hadn't arrived and she was beginning to get worried. Outside Monica could hear the weather worsening. It had been raining all day, but now it seemed that it was coming down harder than ever. Suddenly a loud peal of thunder made them both jump. Rachel looked at Monica with scared eyes. She hated thunder.

"Where's Ross, why is he taking so long?" she questioned "I'm scared."

"Shush honey its okay he'll be here soon," Monica reassured her though secretly she was very concerned at Ross's non-appearance. "I'll go call him again,"

Monica left Rachel's room and went down the corridor to where she was allowed to use her mobile phone. Suddenly Chandler and Joey rushed around the corner almost knocking her over in their haste. "What are you doing here? Where's Ross? Who's looking after Katy and Emma?" she asked. They looked at her silently for a moment as she registered the stricken expressions on their faces. "What's happened?" she asked suddenly filled with dread. Chandler approached Monica and held her tightly as he began.

"Phoebe's got the kids, they're fine, don't worry about them. Its…its…it's…" he stopped unable to go on knowing that what he was about to tell Monica would tear her world apart.

Joey broke in, "It's Ross, he's, oh my god…he's dead." He broke down in tears at the thought.

"What, Joey…Joey please tell me you didn't just say Ross is dead."

"Its true," said Chandler dully, "He was shot, we just found out."

The three held each other sobbing silently at what had happened to tear their perfect world apart. Gradually they managed to contain their tears, all thinking the same thing. Someone had to tell Rachel. Monica wondered how she could tell her best friend that her husband was gone, she imagined how she would feel if it was Chandler who was never coming home again and knew that much as she loved Rachel she could never give her this terrible news.

"I'll tell her," announced Joey suddenly as Chandler and Monica clung to each other.

"No we'll all tell her," said another voice suddenly as Phoebe rounded the corner. "I left the kids with Steve, they'll be alright. I had to come."

Together the four friends walked down the corridor towards Rachel's room knowing that what they were about to tell her would shatter her world and leave her bereft. They tried not to think about the fact that the babies she was carrying would never know their father.

Meanwhile Rachel was beginning to wonder where Monica had gone and why she was taking so long. The pain had subsided and she was beginning to wonder why Ross hadn't turned up. It was nearly two hours now since Monica had first called him. There was a knock on the door and Monica entered followed by Phoebe, Chandler and Joey. One look at their faces told Rachel that something terrible had happened. She could tell that Phoebe and Monica had been crying and the guys looked suspiciously flushed as well. "What's happened?" she asked quickly, "its Ross isn't it? What's happened to him?"

"Oh Rach, I don't know how to tell you this," began Monica as she hugged her tightly.

"Ross was involved in an incident," began Chandler slowly before turning silently to Joey.

"He was shot," Joey told her

"How? Why? Is he okay? Where is he?" questioned Rachel, "Tell me he's alright…Pheebs?"

"He's dead," she stated bluntly "God, Rach I'm sorry." The friends crowded round holding each other trying to numb their pain, but all anyone passing the room at the time heard was one long anguished howl.


	5. Chapter 5

Authors Note

Hi everyone, thanks for the great reviews. I'm glad you are enjoying the story andI very much appreciate the comments and it is really interesting to find out what others think of the storyline. Well here is Chapter 5. Hopefully I will update again within the next couple of days.

You Were Mine

Chapter 5

Over the next couple of days it gradually emerged what had happened to Ross. He had left the university at the usual time and decided to walk home despite the weather. The subway was packed and he was unable to get a cab. On the way he stopped off at an ATM to get some cash. Witnesses told the police that Ross had seen a man robbing a woman who had just left the cashpoint. Ross intervened trying to wrestle the man to the ground, but he was too strong for him and soon had him pinned down. Then he had drawn out a gun and shot him at point blank range. He had no chance of surviving. The police had arrived, summoned by a passer by and arrested the man. He had stolen just fifty dollars. Ross had died for just fifty dollars.

Rachel was released from the hospital the day after Ross's death. Her friends took her back to Monica and Chandler's apartment where she would stay for the time being. They were all numb and grieving at Ross's sudden and needless death and they clung together like never before. They seemed to find comfort with each other, yet Rachel seemed detached and separate. She had not cried and had hardly spoken sinceshe hadheard the terrible newsand her friends could see how deep her grief must run. Of course Judy and Jack had been informed of Ross's death and along with Monica they made funeral arrangements. Rachel was in no state to do anything. She seemed to have shrunk since she heard the news and she hadn't eaten properly now for two days. Emma had not been told yet what had happened to her daddy, and she was too young to understand. She just knew that her mother was upset and of course that upset her too.

Monica thought that Emma might provide Rachel with some comfort, but for the first few days Phoebe looked after Emma, as Rachel was in no state to do anything.Emma was upset andhad been asking for her mother and so they agreed that it would be best to reunite Emma and Rachel, hoping that she might provide some comfort and bring Rachel out of her silent state. Phoebe brought her over three days after Ross's death and while Monica and Phoebe were talking Rachel entered the room from Katy's bedroom where she was staying. As soon as Emma saw her she rushed over and begged to be picked up. Rachel did so silently, holding the little girl close to her, stroking her hair. Then the tears began to fall and as Rachel cried so did Emma, she had never seen her mummy cry and she was scared. Monica quickly took her from Rachel's arms and gave her toPhoebe who was still standing silently watching. Now that Rachel's tears had started it seemed they would never stop. She sank down on the floor howling while Monica knelt next to her trying to offer whatever comfort she could. She knew it was useless though because the only person who could comfort her was the person she was crying for.

The funeral took place a few days later. The weather was fittingly grey and dull in comparison with everyone's moods. As well as the friends and Ross and Monica's parents, Steve, Carol and Susan, Rachel's parents and many people who had known Ross in the past either from college or work attended. There was a simple service before Ross was buried next to his grandparents in the graveyard. It fell to Chandler to say a few words at the service about Ross. He stood up and walked slowly to the front. "Ross was my friend from the day I started college and I can honestly say I never met anyone more determined to succeed, more honest and truthful, more giving. Throughout the past fifteen years he has been a great friend and without him I would never have met Monica, the love of my life. I have a lot to thank Ross for and I know he will be remembered by us all forever." Then Phoebe got up, she had asked Rachel if she could read a poem during the service and Rachel had agreed.

"This is a poem that gave me comfort when my mom died and I thought it was suitable for today. It's called Miss Me, But Let Me Go by Robyn Rancman,

When I come to the end of the road,

And the sun has set for me,

I want no rites in a gloom filled room,

Why cry for a soul set free!

Miss me a little, but not for long,

And not with your head bowed low.

Remember the love we once shared,

Miss me, but let me go!

For this is a journey we all must take,

And each must go alone;

It is all part of the Master's plan,

A step on the road to home.

When you are lonely and sick of heart,

Go to the friends we know,

And bury your sorrows in doing good deeds,

Miss me, but let me go."

Throughout the service most of the women held back their tears and sniffed quietly into their handkerchiefs. Only Rachel sat upright staring straight ahead of her. It seemed to her friends as if she was in a separate world. After the funeral most people headed back to the Geller's house where Jack and Judy served refreshments. It was a dreary gathering and most people left quickly. The children including Ben were with a friend of Monica's from work as it had been decided not to bring them to the funeral. While Monica and Phoebe helped Judy to clear up and Chandler and Steve sat on the back step Joey approached Rachel sitting alone in a corner. She looked up as he came near and managed a watery smile, but the spark had left her eyes and he could tell she was fighting to hold back the tears. Never had she looked more vulnerable and Joey just wanted to hold her and tell her it would be okay, but of course it wouldn't. In just over three months time she would have two new babies to care for and her large bump was clearly visible through her black dress. He wondered how she would cope. "Hey Rach, you okay?" he asked gently

"I don't know, I feel so empty, so cold. Oh Joey what am I gonna do?" she sobbed. He sat down next to her and held her tightly while she cried. He had always wanted to hold Rachel, but not like this, not at the expense of Ross. He was shocked at how icy cold her hands were and rubbed them between his own to try and warm them up. What could he do to help her? She spoke again "Joey, I don't want to go home, I can't go back to our apartment without Ross, but I can't stay at Monica and Chandler's forever. Without thinking Joey found himself saying "It's okay you can stay at mine. I've got plenty of space, it'll be alright. I'll look after you." He mentally kicked himself as he blurted this out, but hoped he would be okay with her in such close proximity. He couldn't let her down at a time like this.

"Oh Joey, what would I do without you? Thank you so much, but what about Emma and the babies will be here soon, I mean you don't want a load of kids around the place."

"I don't mind, you know I love Emma to bits. Come on shall we go home I think the others are ready."

By the end of April Rachel was installed in Joey's apartment. Everyone was still trying to get over their loss, but Chandler, Phoebe and Joey had gone back to work and were trying to get on with their lives. Monica stayed at home a while longer as she recognised that Rachel needed company and was in no fit state to look after the children. She was still not eating properly and Monica became increasingly worried about her. Rachel had stopped caring, she rarely went out, even with Monica and the others and she was becoming thin. It was obvious even with her large bump that she was losing weight as it seemed that as the bump grew she shrank. One day Monica decided enough was enough. With Phoebe's help she managed to get Rachel properly dressed and downstairs to Central Perk before she realised where she was going. Once there they ordered her a double latte and a cookie. The others warned of Monica's plan were already there with Emma and Katy, but when Rachel realised what they were trying to do she rushed out as fast as her growing belly would allow her and ran back to Joey's apartment where she slammed the door and sank down on the floor crying her eyes out. That was how Monica and Phoebe found her a few minutes later. "Leave me alone, please," she sobbed, "I don't want anyone, just leave me alone," she shouted through her tears.

"Look Rach, you gotta go out sometime, you gotta get on with your life," pleaded Monica, "I know it hurts and I know you miss him, but you gotta move on. We all miss him too."

"You don't miss him like I miss him," Rachel yelled, "You don't know what it's like to not have him with you when you go to bed and when you wake up in the morning. You don't know how much I love him, how it feels to have your heart ripped out when you realise all over again that he's not coming back."

"Rach, we know how much you must be hurting right now, but you gotta pull yourself together, for Emma, for the babies, for yourself," added Phoebe "You gotta try and move on."

"How can I?" Rachel demanded "How can I when I have his children growing inside me, when Emma looks at me with those eyes that are so like Ross's, when I can remember every single thing about him, what we did, where we went, what we said to each other, when his face, his body is indelibly etched on my memory. Anyway I don't want to move on; I don't want to forget him. Ever."

"Oh Rach honey we're not saying forget him, we're just saying you gotta look to the future, believe that things will get better. And they will, it'll just take time."

"How can I look to the future without Ross? How can things get better without him? You don't understand. No-one understands. You all tell me I gotta move on, but you don't tell me how I can do that. What am I supposed to do?"

"I don't know honey, I really don't, but you just gotta hold your head up and face whatever comes at you. Some days you will feel really down and depressed and others you will feel more positive. The pain will go eventually, and you know we're always here for you." Phoebe told her friend.

"You can start now," added Monica, "Wash your face and come downstairs, please, we've missed you."

"Okay, I guess I could do that." Rachel promised.

Twenty minutes later, refreshed and tidy Rachel, Monica and Phoebe entered the coffee house once again. The space on the couch where Ross always sat was painfully obvious, but Rachel tried to ignore it and concentrate on her friends chatter as they drank their coffee and nervously tried to cover the awkward silences. She bounced Emma on her knee and for the first time in a long time she began to feel more like her old self. Her friends noticed it as well and were relieved. They had been very worried about her but they now felt that though it would be a hard slog she was on the road to recovery. Together they would get over their grief and be happy again.


	6. Chapter 6

Authors Note

Well I am overwhelmed by the fantastic response I am getting to this story, I am glad you all like it and want to keep reading. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed. So here is the next chapter in which we find out a little more about Joey and Rachel's relationship. Enjoy!

You Were Mine

Chapter 6

A couple of weeks later Rachel realised she had a hospital appointment to have another scan. She didn't really want to go without Ross to hold her hand, but realised that she should. By now Monica had returned to work part time and would be unable to come with her and Phoebe was working. She resigned herself to going on her own and told no-one about the appointment. Judy was looking after theEmma as she often did lately in order to give Rachel some space and time to herself. Rachel had still not fully explained toher daughterthat her daddy would not be coming back as she found it hard to believe it herself, but it seemed that Emma had grasped the situation and told people that her daddy had gone to stay with the angels. Rachel was just leaving the apartment building on her way to the hospital when she bumped into Joey.

"Hey, hey Rach what's the rush, where are you going?"

"Oh, I, er…well I have an appointment at the hospital, I gotta go." She tried to hurry off, but Joey grabbed her arm.

"You're not going by yourself are you?"

"Well yeah, I don't have much choice now do I?" she asked sadly

"I'm sorry Rach, I didn't mean it like that, let me come with you. You look like you could do with some company."

"No, you don't wanna come and hang around in a waiting room for ages."

"I don't mind, I haven't got anything else to do. We're not filming today so I'm kinda bored."

"Well okay, thanks Joe,"

Together they walked to the hospital for Rachel's appointment and as they walked Joey wondered why he was putting himself through this torture. Since she had been living with him they had grown closer than ever before, he comforted her when she woke crying in the night, he made her breakfast in the morning, he helped her with Emma, he looked after her in every way that he could. She seemed to appreciate his company and help but after seeing the depth of her grief for Ross, Joey believed that he would never have a chance with her.

At the hospital, Rachel climbed on the bed while Joey sat on a chair in the corner. "You can wait outside if you want Joe."

"It's okay, you might need someone to hold your hand," he answered

"Okay." The doctor entered and set up the scanning equipment.

"Good afternoon Rachel, how are you getting on?" she asked concernedly. "I heard about your husband's death, I am so sorry, he was a lovely man."

"Thank you," said Rachel with a watery smile, "I miss him so much, but I think I am learning to live without him. It will take a long time though."

"Yes, and I know it's a dreadful cliché, but time really does heal the pain," said the doctor sympathetically as she spread the cold gel on Rachel's belly and ran the scanner over her bump. "Well the twins are doing well, they look very healthy, but I'd like to see you again soon just to make sure everything is as it should be."

"Okay, well thank you doctor," said Rachel as she buttoned her shirt and Joey helped her off the bed. "I'll see you soon."

Rachel and Joey were soon on their way home. As they walked Rachel mused on the growing closeness between her and Joey. Since she had been living with him again, she had discovered how sweet and caring he could be and wondered how she had known him all these years without seeing this side of him before. She didn't know what she would have done without his help and companionship in these last difficult weeks.

"Joe, I just wanna say thanks for everything you've done for me lately, I couldn't have coped without you. The others are great, but you're just there, you let me talk and you don't try to cheer me up and tell me it'll be alright. I know now that I can go on without Ross, I will survive, and that's thanks to you. You've been more than a friend to me and you don't know how grateful I will always be for that."

"Hey Rach, its all part of the service," Joey joked. Well that's it, he thought, I'm the best friend ever, but I'll never be anything more. "You know you can always come to me with your problems."

"Thanks, and I'm glad you came with me today, I was really dreading it, but you made it okay."

"I understand."

"What do you mean you understand?"

"Oh nothing, it's…its, nothing, it doesn't matter,"

"No please tell me."

"I'd rather not talk about it."

"Oh come on Joe, you can't just say stuff like that and then not tell me what you mean," she coaxed.

"Okay then," he sighed, "Well when I first left home, I was eighteen, I moved in with my girlfriend at the time, we had it all planned out, you know our future, we were gonna travel, see the world, you know all the usual stuff. I was trying to get into acting at the time and she was a waitress, she worked at some place in Brooklyn. Anyway, one day I was coming home from acting class and I was thinking about how I was gonna take her out to a party that night. I got home and got ready. She told me she would be home about 7.00pm. She never turned up, it got to about 8.30pm and there was a knock on the door. It was a policeman, he told me that Carrie was dead; she'd been hit by a car on the way home from work. I just went numb, I didn't know what to do, what to think, I really loved her Rach."

"Oh Joe, I'm sorry, that's terrible, why didn't you tell me before?"

"I've never told anyone, not even Chandler, of course my parents know, but that's about it. So after Carrie died I left Brooklyn, I went to live in Los Angeles for a couple of years, I was running away really but I didn't know what else to do. Eventually I came back to New York and that's when I moved in with Chandler. I guess you know the rest of the story."

"Oh Joe, you really should have told us. Is that why you've never got really serious with anyone else?"

"Yeah, I suppose, I put on an act. I didn't want anyone to see my hurt, and I didn't want to get too close to anyone again, I was scared I guess, but then I moved in with Chandler and got to know you guys. I was happy, am happy now; it's just that when Ross died all those old familiar feelings came back to me again and I knew exactly how you must be feeling."

"I'm glad you understand how I feel, it makes it easier somehow to know that you've been through it and come out the other side. It gives me hope for the future. I love the other guys, but they don't really understand how I feel, that sometimes I get so angry with him for leaving me like this, sometimes I just want to cry, sometimes I want to be alone to grieve by myself. He still occupies almost every waking thought, there's no escaping it."

"Well, Rach, just believe me, it will get better and I'll always be there for you, don't worry that you'll be alone, 'cos you won't."

"Thanks." The two friends walked the rest of the way home in companionable silence each thinking about what the other had told them.


	7. Chapter 7

Authors Note

Well thanks once again for all the reviews, from reading them I can see that I have confused some of you and possibly myself! Anyway, a couple of clarifications:

tini243 - I had completely forgotten about that conversation between Joey and his father in Season 1, so for the purpose of this story I am just going to pretend that never happened. Also I understand your point about not making Joey better than he is and I completely agree that some of his dealings with women are questionable, but I think that Rachel knows that.

Melanie – I never actually said that Joey had never been in love before, just that he had never felt 'that way' about any other woman, that is not to say that he didn't love Carrie, just that he felt differently about her than he does about Rachel. I believe there are different ways to be in love and as Joey has grown and matured he has realised that Rachel is the one he really loves.

Anyway, here is the next chapter. Unfortunately I have a lot of work on this week so I may not be able to update again until the end of the week. Please keep reading and reviewing. Thanks.

You Were Mine

Chapter 7

Late spring gave way to summer and as the weather improved so did the friends moods. In June Phoebe and Steve announced that they were going to get married. Ross's death had shown them how precious life was and they didn't want to waste any more time. Therefore they set the date for their wedding for the beginning of September. Rachel rejoiced with the rest of the friends but secretly was falling apart inside; she doubted that she would ever be that happy again although she felt guilty about her feelings of sadness. After they had made their announcement, Phoebe approached Rachel. "Rach, are you okay about this, I mean I know how you must be feeling, but we didn't want to wait any longer, especially you know, after what happened."

"Yeah, I'm fine, I'm happy for you," Rachel answered, "You and Steve are great together, its wonderful news."

"It's just that we'd like to ask you if Emma would like to be bridesmaid."

"Of course she can, if you don't think she's too young."

"No, she'll be fine. Thank you."

As summer continued and Rachel got closer and closer to her due date she became increasingly tired, the heat was really getting to her and often she barely had the energy to get out of bed, but she struggled on for Emma's sake. She knew her mummy was going to have two new brothers or sisters for her to play with and was incredibly excited. Joey was around more or less all the time now as the filming of Days Of Our Lives had stopped for the summer. He looked after Emma a lot and often he, Rachel, Emma and Katy could be seen hanging out in his apartment or picnicking in the park. The last few days of her pregnancy were hellish for Rachel; she couldn't sleep, and hardly went anywhere apart from Monica and Chandler's apartment. She was also increasingly grumpy and just wanted the babies to be born. She remembered when she had been pregnant with Emma, how Ross had looked after her, this time it was Joey who was looking after her and he was just as helpful and attentive as Ross had been. She wondered sometimes why he was so caring and helpful, they had always been good friends, but now their relationship seemed to have something more. He was so excited about the babies imminent arrival, he had curtained off an area of the apartment for Emma to sleep in when the babies arrived as at the moment she was sleeping in Rachel's room and he fetched Emma's old cot over from Ross and Rachel's apartment and put it together, as well as borrowing Katy's cot from Monica and Chandler. Rachel still hadn't felt able to visit her old apartment and so it stood as it had on that fateful day. It would have been gathering dust had not Monica regularly visited to dust and vacuum the place.

Late one evening Rachel began to feel the familiar twinges of early contractions. She heaved herself up from the chair she had been sitting in and walked slowly over the corridor to Monica and Chandler's where everyone else was. They all looked up as she entered and hurriedly made a space for her on the couch. She sat down heavily and gasped as another stronger contraction hit her. "I think the babies are on the way," she said before the pain overcame her, "We have to go to the hospital now."

"Right, let's get you in a cab," said Monica quickly organising everyone. "Joey fetch Rachel's bag from your apartment, Phoebe go hail a taxi, Chandler fetch the kids and bring them downstairs. Let's go, go, go!"

"Monica, calm down, it'll be a while yet," said Rachel as her friend pulled her up from the couch and with Joey's help walked her downstairs. Soon they were all gathered in the lobby of the apartment building while they waited for the taxi to arrive. Rachel sat quietly in the corner while Monica gave tried to calm a crying Katy and Phoebe entertained Emma. Chandler stood outside waiting to hail a cab. Joey sat down on the floor next to Rachel.

"Hey, you gonna be okay?" he asked gently.

"Yeah, I'll manage, I just don't want to do this alone," she whimpered.

"Hey, listen to me, you're never gonna be alone, you've got all of us to help you through it."

"Yeah, but Monica and Chandler have their own family, Phoebe and Steve have each other and I know that someday you're gonna meet someone and fall in love again," she whispered, "And then I'll just be another single mum to add to the statistics. Joey I'm gonna be a single mum, a widow, with three young children."

"Shush, shush, it'll be okay, believe me, you'll make it, you can be happy again Rach."

"You're so good to me Joe," she smiled, "What would I do without you?"

"Just concentrate on these babies, and believe me, in time everything will be fine," he reassured her.

Phoebe soon managed to hail two taxis and everyone piled in. At the hospital Rachel was quickly taken to be examined and prepared for the birth. Monica went with her, and the others sat quietly in the waiting room thinking how different it had been last time Rachel gave birth and when Monica had Katy. Then there had been laughter, hope, and happiness for the new arrivals. This time there was none of that, just the knowledge that Rachel and Ross's twins would never know their father. Soon Monica reappeared. "She's been taken to the ward until its time for her to deliver," she told the others, "It's the same one as last time. We can all go and see her if you want. She said she wanted us there."

They got up, Chandler carrying the now sleeping Katy and Joey holding tightly to Emma as she nodded against his shoulder. Rachel was sat up in bed, looking around her with tearful eyes as she contemplated the last time she had been in this room, she remembered it clearly, well she had spent almost two days here. She had been so excited about Emma's arrival, she had known she was having a girl, and she had looked forward to a bright future with Ross and their daughter. This time all she could see ahead of her was worry and fear, but she did want the babies to be born. They were a part of her and a part of Ross, a permanent reminder of their love and she now knew that things would get better. Her friends approached her, worried at how she would manage the birth without Ross at her side, at how she would react to the twins once they were born.

"Hi guys," she said as brightly as she could. No-one was fooled by her false happiness and they saw the glint of tears in her eyes. "The doctor said I was four centimetres dilated already, so it probably won't be that long. There's something I wanna tell you all. I just wanna thank you for being so supportive, and helpful over the past few months, I could never have survived without you all. There were times when the future looked so bleak I contemplated ending it all, but Emma and these little ones kept me going," she said patting her stomach, "So thank you, I realise how hard it's been for you all as well, I know you all miss Ross too, and I guess I haven't really made it any easier for you. But I'm determined that things will improve, so we have to look to the future. I'll never forget Ross, and I know you won't either, but its time to move forward, make a new start." She finished her brave speech trying desperately to hold back her tears and just succeeding, before another contraction hit her. When it was over she gave her friends a watery smile as they all held hands determined to take what she had said to heart and look forward to the future.

Soon the doctor returned to examine Rachel again and all the friends left to give her some privacy. Phoebe went to phone Steve to let him know how things were going and the others went to sit in the waiting room again with Emma and Katy still asleep in Chandler and Joey's arms. As Monica watched the busy scene going on around her she wondered what it would be like to have another baby. She had always thought she wanted lots of children, but now although she adored Katy and would do anything for her she realised she wasn't as suited to motherhood as she had thought. She knew that Rachel was far more suited to the role than she was. Rachel didn't mind if her home was messy and she seemed to have limitless patience where Emma was concerned. In contrast, Monica felt she was always cleaning up after Katy, following her around in case she made a mess, and her patience was sorely tried whenever her daughter misbehaved. She would like another baby, she mused, and Chandler, she knew wanted at least one more brother or sister for Katy as he had told her many times how lonely it was growing up as an only child surrounded by adults. Motherhood was definitely different to what she had expected though.

Monica was disturbed from her reverie by the doctor who was looking after Rachel. "Your friend is ready to go into delivery now if you want to go and see her," she informed Monica.

"Oh, okay, thanks," she said "Come on guys, Rachel's gonna go in a minute," she said as Phoebe hurried round the corner from the phone booth. Once again they all trooped in to wish Rachel good luck. She had insisted that when her time came she wanted to give birth without any of her friends there; she wanted to do it on her own. As she was wheeled away down the corridor her friends shouted out their good luck messages and she managed to wave back at them as she disappeared round the corner to the delivery room.

Rachel was scared, she was more scared than she had ever been, the pain was horrendous and the contractions seemed to be coming faster and stronger all the time. She wanted to push, but the doctor kept telling her to wait. She knew that she had made the right decision about doing this by herself though. On her own she could imagine Ross willing her on and cope with her own emotional pain, it would have been too difficult with Monica or Phoebe there trying to take Ross's place. Suddenly the doctor was telling her to push, and as another contraction came she gave a big heave, screaming as the pain shot through her body, again and again she pushed until after what seemed hours, but was really just a few minutes the first twin was born. She lay back against the pillows exhausted while the midwife cleaned the baby off. "It's a boy," she announced as she held the tiny wriggling, crying child up for Rachel to see. She desperately wanted to hold her son, but as she reached up to take the baby another contraction came and she began to push again trying desperately to push the second child from her body. She was pushing with all her might but nothing seemed to be happening.

"Just stop pushing a minute Rachel," said the doctor, "Right the second baby is breach so you're gonna have to push even harder okay?"

"Yeah, okay," she replied weakly. She didn't know how she could push harder than she had been doing but as another contraction came she began to strain and push as hard as she could, still nothing was happening and it felt as if her body was falling apart.

"Come on Rachel, two or three more big pushes should do it," encouraged the doctor. She pushed, screaming and crying as the pain took over her and a few minutes later she heard it, her second child was born and he was crying. She tried to sit up to get a look at the baby, but she was too exhausted and sank back against the pillows, all her energy spent. The midwife held up the second child for her to see.

"Another boy," she pronounced. Both babies were now crying loudly and the midwife handed them to Rachel to hold. She cradled one baby in each arm, feeling their small warm, wriggling bodies against hers. They immediately quietened down; recognising the scent of their mother, and Rachel just sat there the tears rolling down her face, thanking God for her two gorgeous sons. The first baby opened his eyes to look at her and in him she immediately recognised Ross. They both had a good head of dark brown almost black hair just like Ross's and she knew that these babies would be her salvation. They would allow her to continue with her life without Ross, although she knew that he would always be watching over her and their children.

Soon Rachel was moved with the twins back to recovery where the others soon came to find her. By now it was nearly 9.30 the morning after her labour had first started and they had all been up all night. The only ones who had had any sleep were Emma and Katy and by now they were both wide awake running rings around the tired adults. They all cautiously approached the room where Rachel was resting and peeked through the window in the door. Rachel was sitting up in the bed, clean and refreshed after a shower holding both her babies, just looking at them. All three looked utterly contented. Monica was the first to enter the room, with the others following closely behind. Emma practically threw herself at her mother scrambling up onto the bed where she inspected the new arrivals sleeping peacefully in Rachel's arms. She seemed quite satisfied and soon went to play with Katy in a corner of the room while the adults talked. "Aren't they beautiful?" Rachel asked proudly.

"Yeah Rach, they're gorgeous," said Phoebe, "Are they girls or boys?" she asked.

"Both boys, they look just like their dad don't they?" Rachel asked with tears in her eyes.

"Yeah Rach, they do," answered Joey, "What are you gonna call them?"

"God, I dunno, I haven't really thought about what with all that's happened. What do you lot think?"

"Can I hold one of them Rach?" asked Monica. As Rachel handed one of the babies to Monica to hold, the others started coming up with suggestions for names.

"What about Matthew, that's a nice name," suggested Chandler, "Or Christopher?"

"How about Thomas, or Sam, or Joshua?" said Phoebe.

"Yeah, I dunno, I'll have to think about it. What do you think Joe?"

"Er, well I don't know, um, what about Jake?"

"Yeah that's a nice name; well I'll think about it and make a decision." Rachel answered yawning widely.

"Come on you guys, Rachel's tired," said Monica as they all got up to leave. "We'll leave you to rest now Rach, I bet you could do with some sleep."

"Yeah, thanks guys, see you later."

As Rachel quickly fell into an exhausted sleep the others crept out and left her alone. Monica and Phoebe took Emma and Katy home to have a nap, as they were both tired and grumpy after their interrupted night. Phoebe left Monica to look after the children and went to find Steve to tell him the good news. Meanwhile, Chandler went to work as he had an important presentation to do that afternoon. Soon only Joey was left at the hospital, he didn't have anything else to do so he decided to hang around for a while in case Rachel woke up and wanted some company. He mused on their current situation as he waited for his friend to wake up. He knew that he was falling deeper in love with her than he had ever imagined, but still he knew he would never make a move on her unless at some point in the far distant future she reciprocated his feelings. He felt this was unlikely given her current mood. He knew she missed Ross desperately. He knew there wasn't a night went by that she didn't cry herself to sleep, he heard her through the thin connecting wall and longed to go and comfort her, hold her and tell her that everything would be okay, that he would always be there for her, but knew he mustn't. And he knew now that she would be totally absorbed looking after the twins as well as Emma. Nevertheless he vowed to support her in whatever way he could through good times and bad until one day she might feel she could love another man. He hoped that other man would be him. He knew that he could never take Ross's place in her affections and he didn't want to, but also he didn't want to be second best. He wanted Rachel to love him for himself. He gave himself up to dreams of what life with Rachel would be like. They would have a big apartment in the city. He would be a successful actor earning a regular wage in a prime time TV series, Rachel would stay at home if she wanted to, looking after Emma and the twins and maybe even the child that he would have with her. Life would be perfect. So perfect that he knew it was just a dream, real life wasn't like that.

Presently a nurse approached Joey to tell him that Rachel was awake if he wanted to go in and see her. He knocked gently on the door before entering. The scene he encountered as he entered the room made his heart turn over in his chest. Rachel sat up against the pillows feeding one of the twins while the other lay quietly in his crib kicking his legs. "Er, hi Rach, am I interrupting, do you want me to leave?"

"Oh, hey Joey, no of course not, you can stay, I thought you'd all gone home."

"Well I didn't really have anything else to do so I thought I'd hang around for a while in case you wanted some company," he said desperately trying to look anywhere but at her breast.

"Oh well, thanks. Hey can you fetch baby number two, he needs feeding."

"Oh yeah sure." Joey reached down into the crib to pick up the tiny child. He was wearing a blue babygro and whimpered quietly as Joey held him carefully against his shoulder. He looked down as the baby opened his eyes to reveal deep brown pools that reminded him so much of Ross it took Joey by surprise. "Wow Rach, he's perfect, his eyes…they're…"

"I know they're exactly like Ross's aren't they, baby number one is the same." She smiled. "I haven't thought of their names yet so for now they're just one and two."

Joey handed Rachel two and quickly took one resting him expertly on his shoulder to burp him. "Hey you really know what you're doing Joe, I had no idea."

"Yeah well I got a lot of sisters and most of them have babies, I guess I'm an old hand really, besides I love kids, you know that." Joey laid one back in the crib and watched him as he quickly fell asleep again. "They're pretty much identical aren't they?"

"Yeah, I think so, but I can tell the difference. I'll really have to come up with names for them, I can't just keep calling them one and two can I?"

"Well, no I suppose not. Hey Rach, if you don't mind me saying you seem much happier now."

"I feel happier, I've got to concentrate on looking after these two now as well as Emma. You know sometimes I even forget what's happened, but then it all comes rushing back to me and it hurts all over again. Was it like that for you?"

"Yeah, kinda, I used to be just walking along or in the supermarket and I'd think I'd see her, but of course it never was, it was always just someone else, but I was always looking out for her."

"Does it still happen, do you still think you see her?"

"Not really, hardly ever anymore."

"I think I see Ross too, and sometimes it's like he's standing just behind me so I turn around and look and he's gone."

"I know what you mean, but it will get better, it'll happen less and less."

"But I don't want to stop seeing him, what if I forget what he looks like?"  
"You won't, especially not with these two around you. You only have to look at them to see Ross."

"Thanks Joe, you always make me feel better. Ohhhh, I'm tired, would you mind if I had another nap?"

"No of course not, I'd better get going anyway. Sleep tight and I'll see you soon." He leaned over to kiss her on the cheek and she responded with a fierce hug. They parted and he left the room.

A few days later Rachel and the twins were allowed to come home. They were welcomed joyfully by all the friends but there was no big celebration like there had been when Emma was born. Rachel was glad; she didn't think she could have coped with it. Rachel had decided to name the twins Sam and Jake. Emma was happy to have her mother back. While Rachel was in hospital she had been staying with Monica and Chandler and although she loved them it wasn't the same as being with Rachel. The twins were quickly installed in their cots in what had become known as Joey and Rachel's apartment although Joey still paid all the rent and household bills. He was happy to look after Rachel and he had enough money now that he had a regular wage to do so. Since Ross's death Rachel had not had any money coming in and she had had to use what savings she and Ross had to provide for the children. Somewhere in the back of her mind she realised that she would have to get a job again, but she didn't want to face it and now with two newborn babies was not the time to be going back to work however much she needed the money.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer

I do not own the characters in this story and I am not making any profit from it

Authors Note

Hi everyone, sorry it has been so long since I last updated. Hope you are all still interested in this story. This is quite a short chapter, but hopefully I will update again over the weekend. Please keep reading and reviewing, I really appreciate your comments.

You Were Mine

Chapter 8

A couple of weeks later Rachel decided it was time to face her fears and go over to her and Ross's old apartment. Not telling anyone where she was going she packed the twins into the big double buggy and helped Emma on with her coat before crossing the street to the apartment she and Ross had shared during the months before Emma's birth and during their short marriage. As she unlocked the door it was almost like it had always been. She could imagine that as she entered the apartment Ross would there to welcome her. They would kiss before she got Emma out of her outdoor clothes and unpacked the shopping. But of course that was not how it was going to be ever again. She knew there was no point living in the past anymore. Rachel and her family entered the silent apartment. Emma quickly ran to her room to see what toys she could find while Rachel parked the buggy where the twins could see what she was doing. For a few minutes she just wandered around in the familiar comforting surroundings, but it seemed that everything she saw evoked memories. Surprisingly it was not as painful as she had thought it might be, it was more comforting. She accepted now that Ross was dead and was never coming back but here she could imagine he might walk in the door at any minute. She thought over some of the past events that had happened in this apartment, her and Ross's kiss just before she had Emma, the day they brought Emma home, the days and nights they had shared together, Emma's first Christmas and birthday, their anniversary, the day she had told Ross she was pregnant again, the day they found out they were having twins. But there were other memories as well, smaller things like cuddling up on the sofa with a video and a takeaway, kissing in the kitchen as Ross made dinner, making love in the big double bed in their room, laughing at some stupid programme on the TV, Ross telling her about dinosaur stuff.

As she walked around the apartment she noticed things like Ross's Jurassic Park video on the shelf, a pile of books from the university library, the paper he had written in pride of place on the bookshelf, his shoes tucked neatly under the table by the door. She went into their bedroom and opened the wardrobe, as she had expected all his clothes were still there hanging neatly on their hangers or folded up in the drawers. Some of her clothes were still there as well, mainly the things she hadn't been able to fit into during her pregnancy. She sat down on the edge of the bed and opened the drawer in Ross's nightstand. This was where he kept all his sentimental bits and bobs. She pulled out a couple of dog eared books, his old watch that he had been given at his graduation and a little box containing ticket stubs for baseball games and other events he had been to. Underneath the tickets were a few photos. The first was of herself, Monica and Ross when he was about seventeen and they were fifteen. He had his arm awkwardly around her shoulder and was smiling nervously at whoever was taking the picture. On Rachel's other side stood Monica. All of them looked happy and carefree. The next picture was of all six friends soon after Rachel had dumped Barry and come to the city. There were other photos as well, but what Rachel noticed was that she seemed to feature in all of them. She knew that Ross had loved her, but she hadn't realised the depth of his feelings until now.

She sighed regretting the years that they hadn't spent together, the years they had spent arguing, and the years during her teens when she had studiously ignored him and laughed at him behind his back for having a crush on her. She shook her head, no there were no real regrets, what they had been through had made her the person she was today and at least they had been able to spend three blissful years together. That was what mattered now, focus on the good things, forget about the bad. She heard a whimper from the living room which brought her back to reality. She went through to investigate and comfort her babies. Emma was watching cartoons on the TV and Rachel lifted Sam and Jake out of the buggy and went to sit next to her daughter on the sofa. She knew why the babies were whimpering, they were hungry. She fed and burped both of them and they soon fell asleep in her arms. Emma was absorbed in the television so Rachel gave herself up to her thoughts. She knew now that she wanted to come back to live here and she began to formulate a plan. She would come over whenever she could to tidy the place up and sort Ross's things out, but she wouldn't tell her friends, not just yet. She was incredibly grateful for all the help and support they had given her but she wanted to do this by herself. She looked at her watch and realised that they would have to leave now if they were to be home before Joey. She quickly bundled Emma into her coat ignoring her complaints about the TV and put the twins back in the buggy. They crossed the street and by the time Joey arrived home Rachel was cooking tea for Emma, Joey and herself and the twins were asleep in their cots.

Over the next few weeks Rachel went over to her apartment whenever she could, usually taking the children with her. She had sworn Emma to secrecy and hoped that she wouldn't tell Monica or the others what she was doing. Soon everything was sorted and Rachel knew she would have to break the news to Joey that she would be moving out. She had welcomed his company and she thought he had liked her living with him again but she was sure he would be relieved to see her go. It hadn't been so bad when it was just her and Emma but now that there were the twins as well the apartment was a tight fit for all five of them. She also thought ruefully that Joey wouldn't miss being woken up by the twins crying several times a night. She appreciated how good he had been to her and her family and hoped that one day she could repay him someday.

A few days later Rachel found the opportunity to break the news to Joey. She had thought she would tell him first before broaching the subject with the others. They were sat together in the apartment after dinner. The twins were asleep and Emma was over at Monica and Chandler's playing with Katy.

"Joe, there's something I want to tell you, but before I say it I just wanna say thank you for being so kind and understanding and helpful over the last few months."

"Hey Rach, its okay, I mean I know what you've been going through, and you know I'd do anything to try and help you out. What did you want to tell me?"

"Well, it's just that we're gonna be moving out soon…"

"What! Why do you want to move out, I like you living here, I like your company. Please don't go."

"I thought you'd be relieved, you'll be able to sleep all through the night and you won't go tripping over Emma's toys every morning when you get out of bed."

"I don't mind all that, anyway where are you gonna go, who's gonna help you with the kids?"

"Joe, I'm gonna move back to our apartment over the road, its not like I'm going far, its not like I'm moving to California. And I'll manage okay with the kids, I mean I'll have to learn to manage by myself sometime. You're not always gonna be here to help me out."

"I will be if you want me to be."

"What? What do you mean by that?"

"Exactly what I said. If you want me to help you I will, I'm not going anywhere."

"But Joe, you don't understand, you don't want to be hanging round with a single mom and three kids all the time. What about when you go out on dates, or go to a baseball match with Chandler."

"Well considering I haven't been on more than three dates in the last six months and Chandler's always busy with Monica and Katy I don't think that'll be a problem."

"That's true; you haven't been on a proper date for ages, what's the matter?"

"It's nothing."

"No Joe, please tell me, you know you can tell me anything, I mean you even told me about Carrie."

"It's worse than that."

"How can it be? What can be worse than that?"

"You don't wanna know."

"Oh I do, Joe please tell me, I won't tell anyone else. It might help to talk about it. That's what you told me."

"Fine, if you really wanna know, I'm in love, I'm in love with this amazing woman, but I can't have her 'cos she's in love with someone else."

"Aww Joe, you poor thing, who's the woman, anyone I know?"

"Oh well I, er, I dunno."

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

"I guess that might help. God Rach, she's amazing and I've loved her for so long. She's really brave, she's been through a lot in her life and she's really beautiful as well. She's the most beautiful person I ever met."

"Wow she sounds really special."

"Yeah she is."

"So who's she in love with?"

"Oh this guy, he's a great guy, the best, but he er, he, left her."

"Oh, well he can't be that great then."

"Oh he is, well he was, see he didn't really leave her, he died, but she still loves him."

"I see, well are you sure she still loves him, I mean have you asked her? She might be ready to move on."

"I don't wanna ruin our friendship. What if I make a move on her and she doesn't feel the same way. Then I wouldn't even have her as a friend."

"Joe, if you really feel this strongly, you gotta take a chance, I mean what if you never did, you'd look back and wonder at what could have been if only you'd taken that chance."

"Yeah, I guess that makes sense. I think you're right."

"I know I'm right."

"Rach, the only problem is…"

"What?"

"It's you."

"What's me?"

"You're the woman, the woman I was telling you about."

"Huh?"

"Rachel Geller I love you."


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer

I do not own the characters in this story and I am not making any profit from it

Authors Note

Here's the next chapter – what happens after Joey drops his bombshell…? Thanks for the reviews, you are all great

You Were Mine

Chapter 9

"Rachel Geller I love you."

For long seconds she looked at him, hardly believing what she had just heard. "What?" she asked suddenly, too shocked to say anything else.

"Rach, please just listen to me," pleaded Joey mentally berating himself for breaking his promise to himself, "I, I, I never meant this to happen, it just…" he trailed off.

"I have to get out of here…I don't believe this," muttered Rachel dazedly, "I, I can't…" "Rach, please don't go, just listen to me a minute," he begged.

Internally he was thinking, why had he said that? He had vowed to himself that he would never tell her, and now he had it was all ruined. What if she never wanted to see him again, he couldn't cope with that.

"I, I, Joey, I don't understand…" protested Rachel, "How did this happen? Why?"

"I don't know Rach, I guess it just happened. I'm sorry, I can't help it. Please don't hate me."

"Oh, Joe," she smiled weakly, "I don't hate you, I could never hate you. Don't ever be sorry for loving someone. It's just a shock that's all."

"I wasn't ever gonna tell you, because I know how much you love Ross and how much you miss him, but these last few months that we've lived together again have just made me realise how deep my feelings for you are."

"I do miss Ross, so much still, but I've accepted that he's gone now. I know he's never coming back. I just don't think I'm ready for another relationship right now. I mean it's only been six months."

"I know Rach honey, I'm not trying to pressure you into anything, I just need to know if you could ever feel that way about me."

"To be honest Joe, I really don't know. I never thought of you as anything more than a good friend, my best friend. God Joey, why didn't you ever say anything? What did you mean when you said that you had loved me for a long time?"

"The thing is when I first set eyes on you that day in Central Perk when you came in in that sopping wet wedding dress, I fell in love and over the years I've known you, I just kept falling deeper and deeper in love with you. I never did anything about it 'cos I knew how much Ross loved you as well and I didn't want to stand in his way, I mean he had had a crush on you since he was like fourteen. Then when you finally decided that you wanted to be with Ross, I was kinda happy, 'cos you were happy and I knew Ross was the right guy for you. I'd just accepted that we could never be together when Ross died. I promise that I didn't see that as my opportunity to be with you, it was just that you were so vulnerable and I just wanted to look after you."

"Joe, I know that you didn't see Ross's death as an opportunity, you would never do that. Wow this is a lot to take in. I can't believe that you never said anything, never did anything. I, I, just don't know…Honestly Joe, you are my best friend apart from Monica…"

"But you don't love me…"

"No, Joe I'm sorry, I don't love you, not in that way anyway. Joe you gotta understand that I loved Ross with all my heart and I could never forget him, but I have to face the fact that he's gone and he isn't coming back. One day I may be ready to love another man, and when that time comes I would love it to be you, but we can't choose who we fall in love with. I'm sorry Joe, I really am,"

"Its okay Rach," he smiled a little, "It's not like I was expecting you to throw yourself at me. I hope we can still be friends, that this won't make it awkward between us."

"So do I," she smiled a little sadly at this wonderful man who was professing his love for her. Why oh why couldn't she feel the same way, it would make everything so much easier. "I think I should go now, I need to think about this. I'll see you later."

She bundled the twins into the buggy and he watched her leave, sadness in his eyes, but a strangely liberating relief in his heart. Finally it was all out in the open, he didn't have to hide anymore. And she had given him some hope, maybe one day they would be together. He had a dream that would sustain him through the hard times. Feeling happier than he had in months he flopped down on the sofa and gave himself up to thoughts of what his and Rachel's future together could be like.

Meanwhile Rachel was walking down through the rapidly darkening streets of the Village, the twins asleep in the buggy. She had left Emma at Monica and Chandler's. as she walked her head was whirling with what she had just heard. It kept pounding through her head, Joey was in love with her, Joey was in love with her. He was a sweet wonderful guy, but she didn't love him. She loved Ross, the man that she had loved forever it seemed and the man that was now gone from her life forever. She felt guilty that she couldn't reciprocate Joey's feelings, that she had had to let him down. He had assured her that it was alright, but she hadn't been fooled, she had seen the look in his eyes. Eventually, exhausted and knowing that the twins and Emma should be in bed she headed home.

She entered the apartment to find Joey slumped in front of the TV. "Hi," he greeted her warily.

"Hi," she smiled, "I'll just put the kids to bed and then I guess I should go to bed too. Could you watch Sam and Jake while I fetch Emma from across the hall?"

"Sure, of course. Do you want me to heat up their bottles?"

"Okay thanks," she replied as she backed out the door. She quickly retrieved a sleepy Emma from her friends and hurried back across the hall. Entering the apartment she found Joey dressing the twins in their sleepsuits while the bottles heated on the stove. She smiled at the scene, he was so good with her children, she wished she could love him, he would be a great father.

"Thanks Joe," she said as she helped a protesting Emma into her pyjamas and lifting her into bed.

"No problem, they're good little lads. I'll miss them when you go; hell I'll miss you all. Are you sure you have to move out?"

"Yeah, I think its for the best Joe. I love living here, but you need your space and we need ours."

Rachel moved out the next day and for the next few weeks life seemed to continue much as it had before that momentous day. They never spoke of that conversation again and neither of them told their friends what had occurred between them. As far as Joey and Rachel were concerned, it was a private matter between them. After Rachel left Joey found himself feeling lonely whenever he was alone in his apartment. Over the last few months he had become used to being surrounded by the everyday noises of the babies crying or gurgling, and of Emma playing and running around the apartment. It was the little things he missed most, like waking up in the morning to someone else in the apartment, coming home to find Rachel waiting for him, eager to talk about his day, playing stupid games with Emma. He still saw Rachel and the children everyday but somehow it wasn't the same.

In a way, Rachel felt the same; she wasn't lonely exactly, but she missed having another adult around to talk to and share the workload with that came with having three young children. She appreciated just how much Joey had done to help her out and how much harder it was having to cope alone. The others were relieved that she appeared to be coming to terms with Ross's death and was starting to get on with her life. The twins grew quickly and to Rachel looked more like Ross everyday. She still hadn't got a job, but she was receiving benefits and Ross's life insurance had paid out $100,000 so she was able to get by for the moment.

Phoebe and Steve were married at the beginning of November, it was a small wedding as neither Phoebe or Steve had much family to speak of. The only people who attended were Monica, Chandler, Joey, Rachel and the children plus Phoebe's brother Frank Jr and his family. They were married at a tiny church in the Village. Phoebe looked beautiful as she walked slowly up the aisle on Joey's arm, Emma and Katy toddling after her in their new pink dresses. Rachel watched her friend with tears in her eyes, happy tears mainly as she thought about her own wedding day when she and Ross had promised their eternal love to each other. She hoped that Phoebe and Steve would be as happy as she and Ross had been, she couldn't wish them anything more. Monica sitting at her side gripped her arm sympathetically, "You okay Rach," she whispered.

"Yeah," she smiled, "Phoebe looks wonderful doesn't she?"

"She's beautiful, and she and Steve are so good together. I hope that they have all the happiness in the world. They deserve it."

After the ceremony everyone headed back to Monica and Chandler's apartment for the reception. Monica had excelled herself with the wonderful food she had prepared and everyone tucked in eagerly. They talked long into the evening reminiscing about old times and talking eagerly of their plans for the future. Eventually everyone decided they should go to home to bed and the group parted company after one of the happiest days since Ross's death. The following morning Phoebe and Steve headed off on their honeymoon to Hawaii.

By the time what would have been Ross and Rachel's second wedding anniversary came around she and the children were well settled into their apartment and into a routine. The twins were still waking at least twice a night and they woke up early in the morning as well so Rachel felt like a zombie half the time but she managed to get Emma up and dressed and took her to nursery two mornings a week. She was nearly three now and was a real little chatterbox. She was very pretty and the others told Rachel she was growing more like her mother all the time. The twins were growing fast as well and were about four and a half months old. On the day of their anniversary, Rachel rose early as usual and fed and changed the twins before getting Emma ready for nursery. They left the apartment as usual and Rachel dropped Emma off at nursery before heading over to Monica's with the twins. Monica had taken the day off work especially as she knew Rachel would probably need some company. When she got to Monica's Rachel found her friend tidying the living room while Phoebe played with Katy.

"Hi Rach," said Monica as brightly as possible, "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'll be alright, have you got any coffee, I could do with a drink, its freezing outside. I wouldn't be surprised if it snowed today."

"Yeah, it does look pretty grey," said Phoebe "Hey little lads, how are you today?" she addressed the babies gurgling in the buggy, "Come on lets get you out of those snow suits."

"Thanks Pheebs," said Rachel.

"What are you gonna do today?" asked Monica as she handed her friend a steaming cup of coffee.

"Oh, I thought I might go down to Ross's grave this morning and then this afternoon I'm taking Emma and the twins down to Times Square to see the decorations and then to Bloomingdales to see Santa."

"Oh do you want me to come with you?"

"Well I was hoping you might keep an eye on these two while I go visit Ross, but you can come this afternoon and bring Katy."

"Okay, if you're sure you wanna go down there by yourself."

"Yeah, it's something I prefer to do by myself if you don't mind."

"No, of course not."

She left the apartment and walked rapidly down the busy street clutching the bouquet of flowers that she took every time she went to the grave. She soon reached the cemetery and stood before Ross's grave. The headstone was still shiny and new and the grave was well tended unlike many of those surrounding it. She wondered if Ross would ever be forgotten like so many of the other people laid to rest in this graveyard and knew in her heart that he wouldn't be. She would make sure her children knew all about their father and one day they would tell their own children about their father's heroic actions that caused his death. Whenever she came down here, she always spoke to Ross, she didn't know if he could hear her, but she liked to believe that he could.

"Hi Ross," she began a little hesitantly, "I had to come today, this would have been our second anniversary and when we married I thought that we would be together forever, I never even imagined that you would be taken from me so soon. It's so hard to live without you, so hard to know that your children will have to grow up without you. But I will make sure that they know what a wonderful man their father was. I have to talk to you about something, it's a little hard, I still hardly believe it myself. The thing is Joey told me he loved me…Ross I'm confused, he's my friend, I never thought of him as anything more, but Ross he's so sweet, so caring. I'm not sure what to think anymore, we're friends, but I know he wants more. A part of me wishes that I felt the same…Ross I feel so guilty saying this, but I need someone, someone to hold me and love me that way. You have no idea how much I need that, how much I miss that. It's just so hard…" She dropped to her knees in front of the gravestone, tears pricking at the back of her eyes. "Please Ross I just need to know that how I feel is normal, that I am not betraying you by feeling that I need someone to love me. You don't know how hard it is looking after three kids by myself and going to bed each night in that big cold bed with no-one to hold me and reassure me that everything will be alright. Maybe I'm weak, maybe this is wrong, but I just don't know anymore…"

She stood up, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, before laying down the flowers that she had brought. Resolutely she headed towards the gates of the cemetery, turning back for one last look at the place where her husband lay before walking briskly away down the street.

That afternoon Monica, Rachel and Phoebe took the children to see Santa at Bloomingdales. Rachel thought back to the same time the previous year. She and Ross had just discovered they were having twins and she had been practically walking on air. That Christmas had been one of the happiest she had known and she knew that this year would be entirely different. Although she was getting over Ross's death Rachel still didn't feel much like celebrating but she went ahead with preparations for Emma's sake. The twins were too young yet to know anything about what was going on. Monica also was not really in the mood for celebrating and Christmas that year would be a low key event for all of them.

After that the days seemed to fly by until before she knew it, it was Christmas morning and Emma was throwing herself on Rachel's bed at six o'clock in the morning thoroughly over excited. Rachel groaned as her daughter clambered into the big double bed beside her. She was tired as she had been up half the night with the twins and had not slept well when she had been able to go to bed. She rarely slept well these days in the double bed that she and Ross had shared, it was too big and she missed the warm presence of Ross's body beside her. She also often woke from a recurring nightmare about Ross's death although it was beginning to happen less often now. Nevertheless Rachel helped her excited daughter to open her stocking before clambering out of bed to fetch the twins from their cots. They were beginning to whimper which could mean only one thing, they were hungry again. She carefully got back into bed a twin under each arm. She propped pillows up around Emma before giving her Jake to hold. Emma held tightly to her little brother, she loved it when Rachel let her help look after the babies although sometimes she was jealous of all the attention they needed. Rachel fed Sam while Emma held Jake. The baby sucked hungrily at her breast until he was full. She then held him against her shoulder and he let out a large contented burp which made Emma giggle madly. The baby was sleepy again now that his tummy was full and he soon nodded off in Rachel's arms. She then fed Jake as well before getting out of bed to prepare for the day ahead. She bathed and dressed Emma and the twins before getting ready herself. Usually she liked to wear special clothes for Christmas, but this year she just flung on her jeans and an old sweater. It was going to be a hard day.


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer

I do not own the characters in this story and I am not making any profit from it

Authors Note

Another new chapter, in which exciting things happen! Thanks for all the great reviews, please keep reading!

You Were Mine

Chapter 10

At about 10.30 they headed across the street to Monica and Chandler's apartment. Everyone else was already gathered there and they greeted Rachel as she entered. She could see that they were trying to be happy for the children's sakes, but Rachel could tell it was a forced jollity. No-one really felt like celebrating this year. Soon dinner was ready and everyone sat down to eat, but the empty space at the table was painfully obvious. Steve joined the friends again for the second year so there were still six adults, but it wasn't the same. Monica and Chandler sat next to each other as usual, as did Steve and Phoebe. Katy sat on Monica's other side. Next came Joey, then Rachel and Emma. The twins were asleep in their buggy. Joey could tell that Rachel was struggling to cope and gripped her hand under the table willing her to be strong. After what seemed an age, dinner was over. Chandler, Joey and Steve watched TV while Emma and Katy napped and Monica and Phoebe did the washing up. Rachel had gone out onto the balcony for some fresh air and the others let her go knowing that she needed some space. Joey watched her go and longed to comfort her, to hold her in his arms and tell her that everything would be okay. He got up and went outside,

"Rach, are you alright?"

"I don't know Joey, I guess, it's just I can't help thinking about last Christmas, about what this Christmas should have been like. No-one knows what to do or what to say. I know they're trying to avoid talking about Ross, and that they're trying to be happy, but its just not working is it?"

"Is there anything I can do to help? Do you want me to say anything to them?"

"No, I'll be alright, is Emma okay?"

"Yeah, she's still sleeping. You wanna come inside now?"

"Yeah okay."

Together Rachel and Joey went back inside and everyone looked up as they entered. The girls had finished washing up by now and everyone was seated around the coffee table. Phoebe and Monica moved up the sofa so Rachel could sit down. She faced her friends and gave them a brave if watery smile.

"I wanna talk to you guys, I wanna thank you for everything you've done for me over the last few months, you gave me the strength to survive when I felt like my world was falling apart, I know its been hard for you guys as well, but we've got through it together. The thing is I know that you don't want to upset me or anything, but I would like it if we could talk about Ross; remember the good times you know. Just 'cos he's gone doesn't mean we should forget him and not talk about him. We have to go forward, get on with our lives, but hold Ross's memory in our hearts. I know none of us will ever forget."

She ended her speech and looked round to see what everyone's reactions would be. Monica hugged her fiercely and then said, "Rach, none of us will ever forget Ross, and you're right it's been hard for us too, but we do need to get on with our lives like you said, so I think we should drink a toast to the future, to new beginnings."

"To new beginnings," everyone chanted, knowing that somewhere up there Ross was smiling down on them; they all knew he wouldn't want them to be unhappy.

They spent the rest of the day chatting and reminiscing about old times, Steve enjoyed hearing all the stories they had not yet told him and later when the children woke up they played games and opened the rest of their presents. At about 8.00 Rachel decided it was time to go home, the children were worn out with the day's excitements and by the time they were safely in bed and asleep it would be time for her to go to bed as well. She gathered all their things together and put the sleepy twins in the buggy. Joey offered to walk across with her and he picked up Emma and she sat on his shoulders giggling happily. They crossed the street in silence and entered the apartment where Rachel quickly undressed and bathed the twins while Joey entertained Emma. They were soon asleep in their cots and then it was Emma's turn for bed. She soon fell asleep and Joey made coffee for both of them. They sat down on the sofa and Rachel yawned widely, it had been a long day.

"Do you want me to go now?" Joey asked

"No, its fine, please stay, I need some company."

"Okay, what do you wanna talk about?"

"Nothing really, it's just nice to have someone here."

"I know, I miss you living with me, it's kinda lonely sometimes," he admitted.

"I miss you too Joe, its kinda hard to have a proper conversation with a toddler and two babies," she joked.

"Today was hard huh?" asked Joey after a while.

"Yeah, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it might be," acknowledged Rachel with a small smile, "I'm glad you were there, it would have been difficult without you."

"Rach, you know I'll always be there for you don't you?" asked Joey, "Anything you want or need, just ask me. I promise."

"There is one thing you could do," ventured Rachel slowly, not sure if she was doing the right thing but deciding to do it anyway.  
"What?"

"Well, you could kiss me,"

"Rach, are you sure?" he asked startled.

"I'm sure, I need you," she admitted to him and to herself.

They leaned in towards each other and their lips touched lightly, Rachel gasped as her feelings got the better of her and they kissed more passionately. Joey slid his arms gently around her and she lay back leaning against his strong warm body, they broke apart momentarily before resuming with a hunger and want that neither had ever felt before. Joey truly felt that this was the most wonderful moment of his life and though he had often imagined kissing Rachel he would never have expected this. In turn Rachel felt a need satisfied, she realised that deep in her heart she loved Joey although she still missed Ross. When they finally broke apart, breathless and amazed they looked at each other wonderingly, seeing each other in a whole new light. Then inevitably they leaned in again and this time Rachel relaxed completely in Joey's arms. His lips were warm and soft on hers, his arms strong and capable as he held her close. Her body seemed to fit snugly in with his and for first time in a long time she felt complete, safe, comforted. Eventually they broke apart, both breathing heavily.

"Wow," breathed Rachel with a sigh.

"Are you okay Rach?" asked Joey a little worriedly, "I think we got a little carried away."

"I'm fine," she assured him, "I'm more than fine, I, thank you Joe."

"Hey glad to be of service," he joked, "Um, does this mean…"

"Yeah maybe," she answered, "But we have to take it slowly, I'm not ready for too much yet. I still need time."

"I know, I understand," he assured her quietly.

"Thanks Joe, you're the best, we could kiss again though if you want," she said mischievously. They kissed again and breaking apart Rachel realised something overwhelming, "Joe," she whispered, "I love you."

"Rach, its wonderful to hear you say that," replied Joey with a smile, "You know I love you too."

That night Rachel and Joey entered new ground with their relationship and though Rachel had thought it would be weird and difficult she was wrong. In Joey's arms she felt safe and loved and secure. She wanted that feeling to continue and knew that as long as she was with Joey it would.

While Joey and Rachel were across the road taking their relationship to new levels, the friends left at Monica and Chandler's apartment began to be suspicious about what was going on between the two. "Don't you think Joey and Rachel have been spending an awful lot of time together lately?" questioned Phoebe, "I mean I know they're good friends but they never used to be together so much."

"Maybe it's because they're the only two single ones among us now. Maybe they're lonely, I'm sure Rachel is still getting used to being on her own. It can't be easy for her to see us together," said Chandler

"Do you think it could be something more than that?" asked Steve, "I mean I know I haven't known you guys all that long but I kinda got the idea that Joey liked Rachel. I never said anything before 'cos she was married to Ross, but its just the way he looks at her sometimes, like he wants to look after her and protect her you know?"

"No, it can't be," cried Monica, "Ross has only been gone a few months, surely she hasn't moved on already. I mean she loved Ross so much, she can't just forget him like that."

"I'm sure she hasn't forgotten him, but maybe she just needs some comfort and love, she's not used to being on her own. Maybe Joey is like a substitute for Ross." said Phoebe

"But how could Joey do that, I mean doesn't he realise how vulnerable she is at the moment? He wouldn't just jump into Ross's shoes like that would he?" asked Monica.

"If there's anything going on, they'll tell us when they're good and ready, there's no point getting all worked up about it when we don't even know if there's really anything going on," said Chandler reasonably. "There could be a perfectly innocent explanation for it."

"Yeah, I guess, but I can't help thinking maybe Steve's right," grumbled Monica.

"Well what if he is, maybe Joey makes Rachel happy, maybe they want to be together, surely you wouldn't deny Rachel that happiness after all she's been through lately," said Phoebe.

"Yeah, but its so soon, he's only been gone a few months, I just think its wrong," said Monica angrily, "In fact I'm gonna go over there now and see what's going on."

"No, you're not, just leave them to it, besides, if Rachel can't have Ross, there's nothing wrong with her being comforted and protected by Joey. I mean she's got three young children, and I know we do all we can to help her out but it's not the same as having someone there with you all the time. I don't know if you've noticed but every time we see her lately she looks absolutely shattered, I bet the twins aren't letting her get much sleep and I'm sure she's not eating properly either, did you see the way she wolfed down her dinner. She was starving and she's getting thinner. She spends all her time and energy on those children and there's none left for herself. If Joey and she want to have a relationship I think it's a good thing. Rachel will have someone to look after her and support her and that's just what she needs right now. Just be supportive Monica, they're not doing anything wrong and you know that Joey would never take advantage of her like that," argued Phoebe fiercely.

"Yeah I suppose, but I don't know, I guess it's just weird."

"Well I think you might have to get used to it Mon, they seem very close to me," said Steve, "Come on Pheebs, we'd better be going now. Thanks for a great time you guys, see you soon."

"Yeah bye, I'll call you tomorrow," said Phoebe, "And Mon, don't say anything to Joey and Rachel will you?"

"Of course I won't. See you later. Bye."

After Steve and Phoebe had left and Monica and Chandler were left alone to muse over the whole Joey and Rachel question. Monica still wasn't sure about it but she wanted her friends to be happy so she accepted the possibility that they could be together although she still found it a little weird.

Joey did not return to his apartment until the following morning. Eventually Rachel had fallen asleep in his arms on the sofa and he had carefully picked her up and carried her through to her bedroom where he laid her on the bed and covered her with her blankets. Then he collected a spare blanket from the cupboard in the bathroom and lay down to sleep on the sofa. Rachel had woken at around two in the morning and seeing him sleeping on the sofa had gently roused him and led him into her bedroom. They both lay down on the bed cuddled together and Rachel slept better than she had for months with Joey's warm comforting body next to her. After he had gone Rachel got the children up and gave them breakfast all the while thinking about what had happened the night before. Joey had shown her just how loving and tender he could be and she had realised that she really did love him, however she was a little scared by her feelings. It worried her that she could so willingly and completely fall in love with another man so soon after Ross's death and though she knew Ross would not mind her having a relationship with Joey she still felt guilty about it. She wondered what the others reactions would be when they told them. They had agreed to keep it a secret for now, because Rachel was still scared of taking the relationship any further and didn't want the others to find out in case they were upset about it. She imagined that Monica might not take the news too well considering Ross was her brother.

Rachel had invited the gang to spend New Year's Eve at her apartment that year. She had thought when she asked them that it would be a good way to start getting on with her life, if they could celebrate in the home that she and Ross had shared, that was another step forward. At about 4.30 on New Year's Eve Joey turned up at the apartment to help Rachel prepare for the evening. Together they made snacks and set out drinks. Joey hung some sparkly lights to make the place seem more festive and they dressed the children in their best clothes to welcome in the New Year. When everything was ready Rachel flopped down on the sofa as Emma played in the corner and Joey sat down beside her. She reached over to pick up Jake from the carrycot and passed him to Joey. She then picked up Sam and held him tightly against her. He snuffled into her chest and she rocked him gently. Joey held Jake high in the air and pretended to throw him, he gurgled and squealed and Rachel smiled as she watched her son and Joey enjoying themselves.

"Ross used to do that with Emma you know, he would hold her high up and pretend to throw her up and she would squeal and giggle. Then when she was a bit older he would sit her on his shoulders and she would put her hands over his eyes and he pretended he couldn't see where he was going. Then he'd sit down on the bed and let her go and she'd fall into my arms and we'd all have a big hug."

"Aww Rach, you still miss him don't you? You know its fine to talk about it, I don't mind."

"Yeah Joey thanks, I do miss him, but it doesn't mean I love you any less. It's just different you know. Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, course you can, you can ask me anything Rach."

"Well the thing is, I feel kinda guilty about us, you know like I'm betraying Ross and I know its silly, but I just wondered if you kinda felt the same way."

"Look Rach, it's perfectly understandable that you feel guilty, I guess I felt the same way after Carrie died, whenever I went out with anyone else it was like I was cheating on her but I realised that I couldn't carry on feeling guilty for the rest of my life."

"I guess you're right, but there's something else as well, I'm scared."

"What are you scared of?"

"I'm scared that you'll leave me, I'm scared to love you too much, I'm scared to love anyone too much. What if something happened to you, or the kids or any of the others? I couldn't cope Joey."

"Listen Rach you know that I would never intentionally leave you. I love you. You gotta understand that just 'cos you love someone it doesn't mean they're gonna get taken away from you. I know it's hard to build up trust again but you gotta do it else it's not worth it."

"Okay, yeah, but I loved Ross so much and then he was gone and it hurt so badly 'cos I loved him so much. So you see if I don't let myself love anyone too much then I can't get hurt again can I? I guess that's what I'm really scared of, getting hurt."

"Everyone's scared of getting hurt Rach, but it's a chance you gotta take. If you're gonna get on with your life you gotta learn to love and trust again."

"I know, you're right Joe, but it's hard."

"I know, but you'll get there. Come on cheer up the others will be here soon."

Rachel quickly got changed and laid the now sleeping babies in their cots before returning to the living room. Monica and Chandler had just arrived and Katy and Emma were greeting each other rapturously even though they had only seen each other the day before. Soon Phoebe and Steve arrived as well and the party started. They all sat around on the sofa and the big armchair and chatted about the children, their jobs and anything else that they could think of, anything except the events of the past year. Phoebe and Steve reported that they had been approved to adopt a child and that they might even have a baby by the end of February. They were going to be given a list to choose from and they would visit with the child several times before they were allowed to take him or her home. The time passed quickly and before they knew it it was nearly midnight. As the chimes boomed out over the television welcoming in the New Year everyone hugged and kissed. Chandler and Monica kissed passionately looking forward to another wonderful year together with their daughter and Chandler hoped for another child though he hadn't broached the subject with Monica yet. Phoebe and Steve hugged and kissed as well. Phoebe couldn't wait until they were able to adopt their child and both were looking forward to the New Year with all the challenges it would hold. While they thought the others were busy kissing Joey and Rachel sneaked a surreptitious kiss holding each other close, giving each other strength for the difficulties they would face in the year ahead. They didn't notice the gasps of amazement and horror from their friends until they broke apart.

"What the hell do you think you're doing? Ross has been gone less than a year and already you're messing around with someone else. Rachel Geller I'm ashamed of you. I thought you loved Ross," yelled Monica angrily.

"What, Monica of course I loved Ross, I still love Ross, but I need someone. I can't be by myself forever. Joey has been there for me all the way, like you all have, we help each other. Why can't you just be happy? I know it's a little soon for another relationship and I feel guilty about it, like I'm betraying Ross, but I know he'd want me to be happy. Joey makes me happy okay?" shouted back Rachel, "Did you think I was gonna stay alone forever. I mean its okay for you to be happy with someone, but not me, is that what you're saying?"

"No of course not, of course I want you to be happy, but Rach he's only been gone a few months, its just weird," said Monica a little more quietly.

"I know its weird, its weird for me too, but Joey loves me and I love him okay?"

"What, you love him?"

"Yeah. Yeah I do."

"And he loves you?" asked Chandler a little shocked at this very public declaration.

"Yes I love her," replied Joey, "I wouldn't just be messing around with her. I hope you can all accept that."

"I think its wonderful," said Phoebe quickly, "I'd just like to say that I'm happy for you, I know what its like to be alone, and I know that everyone needs someone to lean on sometimes and you shouldn't feel guilty about Ross, I think he'd be happy for you as well."

"I agree," said Chandler quickly

"So do I," put in Steve.

"What about you Monica?" questioned Joey, "You know that I would never take advantage of Rachel, I would never do anything to hurt her. I know it's soon after Ross, we both worried about that, but we're taking it slowly. It'll be okay, I promise."

"Well I suppose it's alright, and I do want you to be happy Rach, we all do, it's just weird okay?"

"I know, it's weird for me sometimes too Mon, but I have to move forward with my life. However much I loved Ross I can't continue living in the past, Joey is the way forward for me and for the children. I have to think of them as well. I don't want to be a single mom struggling to support her kids."

"What do you think about all this Joe?" asked Monica.

"I'm willing to look after Rach and the kids. We just got closer after Ross died and when she was living with me I was able to help out a lot, you know. I promise I would never do anything to hurt her. I love her and I think we make each other happy."

"Look Mon," continued Rach, "I'll never forget Ross, none of us will, but I'm with Joey now so you'll just have to accept it okay? I still miss Ross, of course I do, but Joe makes it easier to cope. Surely you understand?"

"Yeah Rach, I guess you're right, I'm sorry, it was just a bit of a shock you know. But I'm happy for you really I am. Happy new year everyone, here's to good times ahead and to absent friends."

Everyone repeated Monica's toast and the New Year began with everyone determined to put the sorrow of the past year behind them.


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer

These characters do not belong to me, but to Bright, Kaufmann & Crane. I am making no profit from this story

Authors Note

Thanks for all the reviews once again, I realise the last part about Rachel realising her feelings for Joey was kind of fast, but I didn't want the story to drag on for ages. Anyway, please continue reading and reviewing, I really appreciate your comments, good or bad. Oh and thanks to tini243 for her lovely email. You're the best.

You Were Mine

Chapter 11

Rachel and Joey's relationship continued to grow throughout the cold months of winter. They settled into an easy routine with Joey coming over most days on his way home from work to eat dinner with Rachel and the children. Then they would settle down in front of the television or go over to visit Monica and Chandler. They still hadn't slept together as Rachel still felt she wasn't ready and although this frustrated Joey somewhat he resigned himself to waiting a bit longer. Emma's third birthday came and went, she had a party with some of her friends from nursery and her main present from Rachel was a pink bike with stabilisers which she was thrilled with. Emma was growing into a very pretty little girl. She had Rachel's fair hair although hers was curly and Ross's deep brown eyes. She was quite tall for her age and was a gregarious and friendly little person. She often asked Rachel about Ross and she tried to answer all her daughter's questions as truthfully as possible. Meanwhile the twins were also growing fast, they were nearly eight months old by the time Emma celebrated her birthday and it seemed to Rachel that they looked more like Ross everyday. They were happy gurgling babies although they were having some trouble cutting their teeth and Rachel was up a couple of times most nights to soothe her sons' cries.

A few weeks after Emma's birthday Chandler arrived home from work to find all the other friends gathered in his apartment, this wasn't unusual, but the excitement and happiness on their faces was.

"Hey guys, what's up?" he asked after greeting Monica with a kiss and hugging Katy. "What's all the excitement for?"

"We're gonna adopt a baby," Phoebe told him excitedly, "We've been visiting with her for a few weeks and she's coming to live with us soon, next weekend in fact. Look here's a photo."

Chandler looked at the photo of an adorable baby girl dressed in a pink sleepsuit hugging a toy rabbit. "What's her name?" he asked.

"She's called Faye, and she's four months old." Steve told him. "Her mom is only fifteen and she felt she couldn't look after her properly so she gave her up for adoption. What do you think?"

"She's gorgeous," said Chandler, "You'll have to baby proof your apartment though and get all stuff for her."

"That's what we've been doing this week; I can't wait until she's really ours. We've just got to go down and sign the papers and then we can collect her on Friday," said Phoebe happily.

"Ahh I'm so happy for you Pheebs, it's the best feeling ever when you hold your baby and they look at you with those gorgeous eyes and you just get this overwhelming rush of love. You know you'd do anything for this child you're holding and you can't imagine what you did before they came along. You'll be a great mom," said Rachel quickly.

"Yeah you will Pheebs, congratulations," said Monica, "And if you have any questions, don't come to me, ask Rachel she's much better at the whole thing than me."

"What? That's a lie; you know you're a great mom Mon, what are you talking about?"

"Rachel's better, she's more patient, she doesn't get cross when things are messy or the kids won't do as they're told. Besides she's got three children and we've only got one. You know I'm right Pheebs, I always thought I would be better at the mom thing but I'm not, I'm not a natural like Rach."

"Hey Mon, don't put yourself down, I just get on with it, and I don't have to mind if things are messy with three kids and Joey there half the time as well. As long as they're happy, I'm happy." Rachel told her friend. Everyone laughed and Rachel stood up, "Well talking of kids I'd better go, Sam and Jake need a bath before they go to bed and that can take a while, I'm telling you, you need a raincoat on if you come in the apartment at their bath time, you wouldn't think someone so small could make so much mess. You coming Joe?"

"Yeah sure, see you later guys, congratulations Phoebe and Steve. Bye." Rachel and Joey left with the children and Phoebe and Steve left soon after leaving just Monica and Chandler together.

"Did you really mean what you said about Rachel being a better mom than you?" questioned Chandler, "I think you're a great mom."

"Yeah I did mean it, I'm just not cut out for motherhood Chandler, I'm not as maternal as she is, I don't know how she copes with three children, and every time I go over to her apartment I just want to tidy it all up. There's toys all over the floor, the twins clothes drying all over the place and a big pile of laundry in her room. It drives me mad, but she doesn't seem to mind. Don't get me wrong, I love Katy to bits, I wouldn't be without her you know that."

"I know, so Mon, I gotta ask are you saying you don't want any more kids?"

"I dunno, I mean I don't know if I could cope with all the getting up in the night and the potty training and the tantrums."

"But what about all the good stuff, when she first smiled at us, took her first steps, said her first words. What about all that? Mon, I never thought I'd say this, but I want us to have another baby. I don't want Katy to grow up like I did with no-one to play with or talk to."

"She's got Emma and the twins, she and Emma are almost like sisters, they adore each other. And she loves the twins too. They're over here practically everyday, it's not like she's lonely."

"I know, but it's not quite the same is it? Please Mon, just think about it. You know I wouldn't make you do anything you didn't want to but I really would like us to have another baby."

"I'll think about it Chandler, I guess I would like to have another child, but I couldn't stay at home all the time like Rachel does. It'd drive me mad."

"I know, I wouldn't expect you to if you didn't want to, the others wouldn't mind helping out I'm sure."

"I would like another baby really, you're right it would be good for Katy, it's just that when I see Rachel with her kids I feel so inadequate. I always thought I'd be the better mom, the one who'd stay at home to look after her children, the one with the big family. I mean Emma's so cheerful, so happy and bubbly and the twins are the best natured babies I've ever seen, it's like they hardly ever cry. Do you remember what Katy was like, always yelling or crying, even now she's not as well behaved as Emma."

"Mon, listen to me, you are a good mom, all kids are different you know that, and I bet Emma isn't always so well behaved. You don't know what goes on behind closed doors."

"You're right, as usual."

"Wow, there was a time when I was never right, and now you say I'm usually right, how cool is that?"

"Hey calm it Mr Big Head!"

"Sorry."

So Monica and Chandler were officially trying to get pregnant although they didn't tell their friends. The next great excitement was baby Faye's arrival. When Phoebe and Steve brought her over to Monica and Chandler's the day after they had collected her everyone was there to meet her. Emma and Katy instantly pounced on her happy to have another playmate however small she was.

"She's not as big as Jake and Sam," Emma remarked to Rachel,

"That's because she's a bit younger," Rachel told her, "Do you remember when they were that small? They grow very quickly at that age. You were that small once too."

"Really?"

"Yeah really, everybody starts off that small even people like Auntie Monica and Uncle Chandler."

"No I don't think so, they're really big, what about you and daddy and Uncle Joey and Auntie Phoebe and…"

"We were all babies once honey. When we get home I'll show you some photos of me and daddy and Auntie Monica when we were little like you."

"Okay."

Faye was a gorgeous baby and very placid and good natured. Everyone fell in love with her instantly and Phoebe and Steve were obviously overjoyed at their new child. Rachel realised how much it must have been hurting Phoebe to see herself and Monica having children easily without the pain and heartache she had been through. She had never said anything to them about it but Rachel knew it must have been hard for her.

When they got home Rachel did as she had promised and dug out some old photos of herself Monica and Ross when they were children. They were hidden away in a cardboard box under her bed along with a load of other photos and stuff that reminded her of Ross. She sat down on the sofa, Emma on her knee and Joey next to her. The twins were in their cots asleep. The first photo she pulled out was of herself and Monica when they were babies. Their mothers had become friendly at the yacht club. She pointed out the larger baby with the dark almost black hair as Monica and herself next to her. At that point Monica was only larger because she was a few months older. Emma could hardly believe that these babies in the photo were really her mom and her auntie Monica. The next photo Rachel found was of herself Monica and Ross in their back garden when she and Monica were about four years old and Ross was about six. They were standing in a line grinning at the camera and squinting in the sun. All three wore their swimming costumes and had obviously been playing in the paddling pool and having a water fight as Rachel's hair was plastered to her head and Monica's was sticking out wildly all over the place. Joey found the next photo. It showed Rachel and Ross at the yacht club. Rachel would have been about two she guessed and Ross about four. He was sitting on the deck of a boat wearing his life jacket and a pair of shorts and she was strapped into her buggy next to him wearing a frilly pink sundress and matching hat. There were many other similar photographs in the box but the one that Emma grabbed next was of Rachel and Ross at Monica and Chandler's wedding. They stood smiling at the camera and Ross had his arm around her. Rachel noticed that she looked slightly uncomfortable and remembered that this was when she first found out that she was pregnant with Emma. It had been a difficult time but Ross had been supportive and incredibly helpful when he had found out and it was Emma's birth that had reunited them for those couple of precious years.

By now it was getting late and well past Emma's bed time so Rachel took her off to bed and quickly undressed her and kissed her goodnight while Joey got them both a drink. When she returned he was sitting on the sofa with his feet up on the coffee table drinking from a can of beer. She grinned at him and quickly sat down next to him cuddling up to his warm body.

"Monica would kill you if you did that in her apartment you know," she told him.

"I know and that's why I love you instead of her," he smiled "You know I think that whenever she comes here she wants to tidy up and put everything away."

"Well it's kinda hard to have a perfectly tidy apartment with three kids leaving stuff everywhere, not to mention that I hate cleaning and tidying."

"It doesn't bother me; we've got more important things to do haven't we?"

"Yep, anyway, I'd rather spend time with the kids than tidying up all the time. As long as we know where stuff is I'm not bothered."

"Me neither. Rach did looking at those photos tonight make you sad?"

"I dunno, well yeah in a way. I mean it reminds me of what life was like before, well, you know. It reminded me that I used to be so happy. Life seemed perfect Joe, I mean I had a fantastic husband who loved me, and I loved him, and we had Emma, I mean she was the one who brought us back together really. And then when I found out I was pregnant with the twins, our life seemed complete. I didn't think things could get any better. It really did seem perfect and then it all came crashing down."

"It's hard isn't it?"

"You can say that again. I mean one minute he was there and then he was gone and you know what the worst thing was, I didn't get to say goodbye, I didn't get to tell him that I loved him one last time. There are so many things I wish I could have said to him but I didn't and now I never can. That's probably my biggest regret about it. I just wanted to say goodbye."

"Hey Rach, come on don't cry, its okay, he knew you loved him, I'm sure he did, just like you knew he loved you."

"Yeah, I guess, but it would have been nice to tell him you know."

"I know, I know, it was the same for me and Carrie. The last time I saw her was the morning of the day she died and you know what I said to her, I said 'bye Caz, see you later,' and then I kissed her. That's all, I didn't say I love you, or anything, but I just tell myself that she knew I loved her, she must have."

"I'm sure she did. Joe can I ask you, do you ever visit her grave?"

"Oh no, er, she was cremated. That's what her parents wanted. They scattered her ashes into the harbour off Brooklyn Bridge. She loved it there. We'd go there sometimes and just watch the boats and the sea for ages and then we'd go into the city and get bagels for brunch."

"Ahh that's nice."

"Yeah it was. Sometimes I wish that there was a grave to visit you know, but then I go up to Brooklyn bridge and just look at the sea and everything and she seems really close."

"I guess, I mean I visit Ross's grave but he's not really there you know. He seems closer when we're all hanging out together or we're at the coffee house. The place where he seems closest though is here in this apartment, you know, 'cos he lived here for so long. His life was here, all his stuff, everything. This was where we brought Emma home to, this was where we sat in the evenings, this was where we planned our future."

"I know, but doesn't it make it weird for you when I stay here then? If Ross is so close how can you kiss me and stuff here?"

"I dunno, it's different with you. What I had with Ross is different to what I have with you. I can't explain it, but Joe, its okay don't worry about it. Come on lets go to bed, I'm tired."

"What do you mean go to bed?"

"I mean I want you to come to bed with me."

"Rach are you sure about this?"

"Yeah Joe, I'm sure, come on."

"Wow, okay, I ain't gonna say no to that."

She laughed and they made their way towards the bedroom. In the doorway they kissed, holding each other tightly, protecting each other from what the future might hold, then they entered and shut the door quietly behind them.


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer

The characters in this story belong to Bright, Kauffman & Crane and I am not making any profit from this story.

Authors Note

Thanks for the reviews, special thanks to my most loyal reviewer tini243. Hope you all enjoy the chapter. I am hoping to wrap this story up fairly soon.

You Were Mine

Chapter 12

The next day was Sunday and Rachel waking up later than usual found herself alone in bed and the apartment quiet. She wondered where Joey had gone and why it was so quiet when usually at this time in the morning there would have been uproar if she wasn't there to take control. She got out of bed wrapping her dressing gown round her and went to investigate. In the lounge she found Emma fully dressed looking at a book on the sofa while the twins were having their nappies changed by Joey. He had become an expert at this job by now and she watched him silently as he quickly sorted the babies out all the while chatting away to them. She loved how well he got on with the children.

"So little Sam how are you this morning?" he was saying, "There that's it nearly done now, just a bit of powder and now we'll do the nappy up, that's a good boy, aren't you clever then, and now we'll just put you down next to your brother and I'll go and make your mommy some breakfast. She was very tired last night so I thought we should let her sleep some more, I know how you guys like to get her up in the middle of the night but its not good you know, she needs her sleep just like you do. She's like you, gets a bit grouchy when she's tired, but we don't mind 'cos we love her don't we, yes we do."

Rachel coughed, "Scuse me, grouchy when I'm tired am I? Well we'll see about that Joey Tribbiani."

"Oh you're up, I was just gonna bring you some breakfast, well you know, we all get like that honey, and…."

"I know, I know, I was only messing. Breakfast sounds great."

"What do you wanna do today Rach? I thought maybe we could go to the park, take the kids to the zoo, have a picnic maybe?"

"Sounds great, although its kinda cold for a picnic Joe, it's only March."

"Yeah well we'll just wrap up warm and take a flask of soup."

"Okay well I guess I'd better hurry up and get dressed hadn't I, I'll just go in the shower."

"What about breakfast, have that first there's no hurry."

"Sure. What are we having?"

"Pancakes and syrup sound alright?"  
"Yeah, my favourite."

They quickly ate breakfast and Rachel showered and dressed while Joey washed up and made some sandwiches to take with them. She emerged from the bedroom to find him bundling the children up in their outdoor clothes and putting the twins in the pushchair. She fastened Emma's reins to her coat as she had a habit of wandering off and they didn't want to lose her and they were off, Rachel pushing the buggy and Joey holding tight to Emma. They walked slowly down the street, Rachel peering eagerly into the shop windows as they passed, and Joey trying desperately to keep hold of Emma who seemed to have decided that she wanted to explore by herself. Soon they reached the park and Rachel sat down on a bench with the twins while Joey grabbed a football he had brought with him and threw it high in the air. Emma ran after him over the grass giggling as she went. She ran at Joey cannoning into his legs causing him to lose his balance and sit down suddenly on the grass. Emma roared with laughter and clambered up on his lap grabbing the ball off him. He grabbed her and started to tickle her while she wriggled helplessly on his knee still laughing and shouting at him. Rachel watching wondered would Ross have been like this with his children if he had survived. Would he have played with them and teased them like Joey did, would he be proud of them and how Rachel had done with them? She hoped he could see them from wherever he was now. Emma rushed over to her mother disturbing her thoughts and tried to pull her up and drag her over to where Joey still sat on the grass. She got up keeping one eye on the buggy where the twins were sleeping peacefully and followed Emma over the grass. Joey got up and hugged her.  
"Your daughter is a little terror you know," he told her jokingly.

"Not a terror," Emma pouted

"Well only sometimes," Rachel told her, "But we love you anyway honey. I'd better go back and keep an eye on the twins while you play with Joey."

"No I wanna play with you mommy. Joey can look after the twins."

"Well okay, is that alright with you Joe?"

"Yeah course it is."

Joey sat down on the bench next to the twins who had now woken up and were making whimpering noises. He entertained them by making faces at them and sticking his tongue out until they stopped grizzling. Rachel played with Emma for a while, throwing the football at her, chasing her around and letting her sit on her shoulders while she pretended to be horse. Eventually they came back to Joey and sat down on the bench exhausted. An older couple walking past stopped to admire the twins in their buggy.

"Aren't they sweet," said the woman to Rachel, "They look just like their father don't they?"

"How do you know?" Rachel questioned.

"Well he's sitting right next to you, it's kinda obvious." The woman gave Rachel a strange look.

"Oh right yeah, sorry." The couple walked off and Rachel looked at Joey in disbelief. "Can you believe they thought you were their father, I mean really?"

"Well yeah I guess," He answered "I mean they have dark hair like I do, and…"

"I guess, wow, they thought we were a family."

"Well we kinda are aren't we?" he asked.

"I suppose so, and I know how much you love the kids, but I dunno, if we're a family, where does Ross belong?"

"Look Rach, Ross will always be a part of this family, I mean he's the father of your kids. It's just that he's not here in body."

Emma interrupted the conversation then saying she was hungry so they had lunch even though it was only 11.30 and then they strolled down to the zoo. This was Emma's favourite place to visit and she pointed excitedly at all the animals as she walked hand in hand with her mother. Eventually they reached the petting area where Emma was in her element. She patted the goats and some rabbits and had a ride on a pony. After their zoo visit they headed for home stopping for an ice cream on the way. By now Emma was tired and she rode the rest of the way home on Joey's shoulders while Rachel pushed the buggy. The only problem was that Emma was very messy with ice cream and Joey ended up with it in his hair and down his neck. She thought it was hilarious although he wasn't so sure and pretended to be cross. Rachel too laughed at him and he agreed when they reached home and he looked in the mirror and saw that he had vanilla ice cream dripping down his hair and onto his shirt that it was pretty funny. While Rachel got the twins out of their outdoor things and cleaned Emma up he had a shower and washed his hair trying to get rid of the sticky ice cream. While he showered he thought about what Rachel had said and wondered if he would always have to compete with Ross for her affections. But then again would she always have to compete with Carrie for his affections. He knew that she wouldn't though because although he had loved Carrie desperately at the time he didn't anymore. Her loss had left him bereft but over the years her memory had faded and now he could think of her happily without pain as a past part of his life. He realised though that it might be harder for Rachel to deal with. For starters she and Ross had been together on and off for far longer than he and Carrie had and there were the children. Ross would always be a very real part of her life while she had the children, and therefore he would always be there. Although he loved Rachel totally Joey didn't know if he could compete with Ross forever, it was like he was always being compared with Ross. He hoped that Rachel loved him for himself and not just as a Ross substitute. She told him she did, but he couldn't be sure and he had to know.

Joey let the matter slide for a few weeks hoping that he would get his answer without having to discuss it with Rachel. Life continued much as before and he spent more and more time at Rachel's apartment. He enjoyed just being there, helping her with the children and keeping her company. To him it seemed the group that had once been so close was beginning to split up. Phoebe and Steve were always busy with Faye and Monica and Chandler seemed more distant these days as well, wrapped up in their own life. Though they still saw each other most days there was never time to just sit and chat over endless cups of coffee like they used to. Joey realised that that had been a simpler time before the responsibilities of children and adult life caught up with them. As the anniversary of Ross's death approached the friends made plans to spend the day together. It would be hard for all of them to deal with and they drew strength from each other.

Joey had spent the night in his own apartment and so was not there when Rachel awoke to the sun streaming in through her window. She grunted and turned over wishing she could just go back to sleep and not face the day ahead, she had been dreading it for weeks. However she was forced to get out of bed by a whimpering coming from the next room. She got up and pulled on her dressing gown and went in to see the twins. Jake was crying for his breakfast and she quickly prepared it hoping that Emma would sleep for a little while yet while she fed the twins. They ate quickly and hungrily and when they were full and burped she washed and dressed them and put them down in the playpen in the corner of the room. Meanwhile Emma had woken and was running around in her pyjamas. Rachel stopped her and sat her down at the table to eat breakfast. She then bathed the little girl and dressed her in her favourite red dungarees. When the children were all ready Rachel quickly hopped in the shower, leaving the bathroom door open so that she could hear if anything happened. She had just got her hair all lathered up when the phone began to ring. She was going to leave it to the machine but it was Monica and she begged Rachel to pick up. Reluctantly Rachel climbed out of the shower, wrapped a towel around herself and went across the lounge to pick up the phone dripping water everywhere.

"Hey Mon, what's up?"

"Oh you're there, thank goodness."

"I was in the shower, what's the matter?"

"Nothing, I was just checking that you're okay."

"Yeah Mon, I'm fine thanks, is that all you wanted to ask?"

"Well yeah, oh you are coming over later aren't you?"

"I suppose so, Mon, I'd rather just stay here, maybe take the children to the park."

"Oh Rach, please come over, you don't want to be by yourself today, I mean you haven't even got Joey there."

"I'll be okay, but I'll come over if you want, about lunchtime, after I've been to see Ross."

"Alright, do you want me to come with you?"

"If you want, I'm going in about an hour though, so you'd better be here then if you want to come."

"Okay, see you in a bit. Bye."

"Bye."

Rachel ran back to the shower, she was cold now after standing half naked talking on the phone. She finished showering and dressed taking care that she looked nice for her visit to Ross's grave. She always tried to make sure that she wore something that Ross had liked whenever she went to see him. Soon Monica arrived bringing a large bunch of flowers with her. Rachel put the twins in the buggy while Monica helped Emma put her coat on.

"Are you sure you want to take the kids to the cemetery? I mean you could leave them with Chandler if you want."

"No I think I should take them, anyway they've been before. Come on lets go."

The two friends walked silently down the street, Rachel trying desperately to control her feelings, Monica also trying desperately not to tell Rachel the news that she so wanted to share with her friend. She had found out only yesterday that she was pregnant and apart from Chandler she wanted Rachel to be the first person to know, but today was not the time to share the news. They reached the cemetery and Rachel approached Ross's grave with some trepidation. She was scared that she might break down altogether, lose control of her feelings. That was what she was most scared of, losing control. She lifted the twins out of the buggy and handing Jake to Monica she stood just looking and wondering. Emma held tightly to Rachel's left hand and Rachel held Sam in her right arm. The little group was silent until Emma broke the quiet,

"Is daddy really here mommy? I thought he was in heaven with the angels."

"Honey, daddy is always with you, he is wherever you are, you just can't see him, but he is always watching over you, I promise."

"Is he watching all of us?"

"Yep, he's watching you and me and the twins and Auntie Monica and everyone."

"Wow, he's busy."  
"I suppose he is, but he will always have time for you, don't worry about that baby."

"Okay."

Emma seemed happy with the answer and fell silent again. She wasn't sad about her father's death, and she hardly remembered him. Rachel realised that everyday Emma's memories of her father were growing less and sadly she knew that when she was older she would probably be unable to recall him at all. Even worse, the twins would never have any memories of the man who had meant so much to their mother. Monica watched Rachel fearfully; she could tell that she was fighting to hold back the tears. She knew it was hard for Rachel, Ross had been everything to her, but she thought she might have gotten over his death by now, especially when she and Joey seemed to be so close.

They walked slowly back into town and climbed the stairs to Monica and Chandler's apartment leaving the buggy at the bottom. Everyone else was at the apartment already and they budged up on the sofa to let Rachel and Monica sit down. Emma ran off to find Katy, and the twins were deposited in the playpen next to the pram where Faye slept peacefully. Everyone looked expectantly at Rachel waiting for her to say something, when she didn't Joey broke the silence.

"Rach are you okay?"

"Well I dunno, I've just been to visit my husband's grave with my three fatherless children. It's exactly a year since he was gunned down by some psycho and I'm a widow at thirty two, if that sounds okay to you, then yeah I'm okay," she answered starting to become upset.

"Gee Rach, I'm sorry for asking."

"Oh it's okay, I'm sorry for having a go at you, but that's all anyone ever does these days, ask if I'm okay, I mean of course I'm not. I'll never be okay again, how can I be without Ross?"

"What about me?"

"Joe, I love you, I do, but you're not Ross."

"So basically you're just using me as a substitute for Ross, is that it?" Joey asked angrily, "I thought you loved me for me."

"I do, but Joe; you gotta understand what I've been through."

"I do understand, we've had this conversation."

"Yeah you understand what its like to have someone you love die, but you don't understand what its like to be left with three children, two of whom weren't even born when their father died, what its like to be confronted with two babies who are carbon copies of their dad. Whenever I look at them I see Ross, you know that. You don't understand what its like to live with the regrets that I have. Why did I suggest we went on a break, why did I write that stupid letter asking him to take responsibility for all of our problems, why did I let him marry Emily, why did we get divorced after we got married in Vegas? I have all these regrets and I don't know how to deal with them, I made so many mistakes and now there's nothing I can do about it 'cos he's gone and I'm never gonna see him again."

After this outburst Rachel sank down on the floor sobbing while the rest looked questioningly at Joey wondering what Rachel had meant when she said he knew how it felt when someone you loved died.

"Joe what does she mean?" asked Phoebe anxiously.

"I, er, I'll tell you later, just leave it okay," he said heavily before moving to comfort Rachel who still sat crying on the floor, "Rach, honey please don't cry, you know its not gonna help, I know you miss Ross, we all do, but well, well you gotta be here for your children now, they need you. Ross wouldn't want you to go on being upset about his death. He would have wanted you to be happy. Please just sit up and stop crying."

"Oh Joey, you know I am getting over it, I thought I'd never smile again, but most days I can and I'm fine, it's just today has brought it all back to me you know."

"Yeah I know, but please tell me I'm not just a substitute for Ross I thought I meant more to you than that."

"Joe you do, I promise."

Everyone else had watched this little exchange in silence, wondering about Joey and Rachel's relationship and their feelings for each other.

"Please you guys just tell us what's going on," begged Monica desperate as always to know what was going on.

"Well," Joey began, "I love Rachel, it's as simple as that, and I think she loves me." He looked questioningly at Rachel.

"Yeah I do love you."

"Well after Ross died we spent a lot of time together 'cos she was staying with me and I told her I understood how she felt and she wanted to know how. So I told her something I have never told anyone else, but I'm gonna tell you guys now, I should have told you a long time ago. Basically years ago before I met you lot, I had a girlfriend called Carrie, she was the best and I think we would have ended up getting married one day, but she was killed, she was hit by a car and I didn't know what to do, it's hard to describe how it feels to have the person you love most just taken from you. So I told Rachel all this, and I also told her that I loved her and I guess it just took off from there really. That's about it."

The others all looked at Joey in amazement, they had never guessed at the trauma he had gone through and now they saw why Joey and Rachel had grown so close. Their personal tragedies had brought them together.

"Why didn't you ever tell us this Joe, I mean we're your best friends, you could have told us," said Chandler a little hurt that his best friend had never told him this.

"Well I guess I thought that if I didn't tell anyone it might just go away and I could forget about her," said Joey, "but its really not that easy and Ross's death brought it all back to me. I thought telling Rachel might convince her that I understood what she was going through."

"Oh Joe, you poor thing, I'm glad you told us now though, you can't keep something like that to yourself forever," said Phoebe sadly.

"Yeah well I kinda had another secret too, you see after Carrie's death I left New York for a couple of years and then when I came back that's when I moved in with Chandler. I was kinda okay about everything by then but when Rachel turned up a couple of years later my world was messed up again 'cos well…"

"What Joey, tell us…" cried Monica impatiently.

"Alright calm down Mon, well do you remember when she came into Central Perk in that sopping wet wedding dress I fell in love again just like that. I mean I tried to hide it you know, I didn't want to mess things up and I was scared of my own feelings too. I knew that Ross had a crush on her since like forever so I never did anything, I didn't want to get in his way. Then when she moved in with me that was when my feelings got worse and I even thought about leaving New York. All these years I've been trying to hide my feelings. I mean I know I'm an actor but I'm really surprised none of you noticed before."

"Wow, I never guessed, Joe you are the biggest hearted guy I ever met," said Monica.

"Er, excuse me, your husband is sitting right next to you," said Chandler in mock anger.

"You know what I mean hon."

"Yeah I guess."

Joey's revelations had stunned the group and none of them quite knew what to make of them. Rachel having recovered from her tears broke the silence.

"I just wanna say that when Joey told me all this stuff I was really shocked as well, but I understand why he didn't want to talk about it before, it's something that you have to go through to really understand properly. You think that by not talking about it the pain and hurt might somehow go away, but it doesn't, although time does help. I'm sorry for getting upset with you all before, its just today is difficult for all of us and I hate to think that my children will never know their father or have any proper memories of him."

"Rach we'll all make sure that Ross's memory lives on and your children will know all about him. Don't worry about that," said Monica.


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer

The characters in this story belong to Bright, Kaufmann & Crane and I am not making any profit from this.

Authors Note

Hi everyone, thanks for the reviews. This chapter was kind of hard for me to write, and I am not completely happy with it, so I would like to know what you all think. Enjoy!

You Were Mine

Chapter 13

After the anniversary of Ross's death had passed the friends got on with their lives as normal. Summer approached and the twins first birthday loomed, however before this Monica and Chandler announced that they were pregnant again. Monica was happy to be pregnant again despite her previous misgivings and the baby was due at the end of November. The friends all rejoiced at the prospect of another addition to their extended family. That summer was very different to the previous year. The friends spent a lot of time together; they picnicked in the park at weekends or had barbecues on Monica and Chandler's balcony. Rachel and Joey's relationship was going from strength to strength and it seemed Joey spent more time at her apartment than he did at his own. For once Monica and Chandler found their fridge was not used as a takeaway by Joey anymore and whenever Chandler went over to Joey's to play foosball or watch TV, nine times out of ten he wasn't there. So the summer passed all too quickly and autumn was soon upon them again. One evening Rachel and Joey were sat cuddled up on the sofa at her apartment. The twins and Emma were in bed fast asleep and Joey was going through his lines for the next day's filming.

"Joe can I ask you something?" Asked Rachel.

"Yeah Rach course, you can ask me anything, what's up?"

"Oh nothing really I was just kinda thinking that maybe I should get a job. I mean the twins are old enough not to really need me anymore and I really should have some regular money coming in. At the moment I'm just living on the settlement money I got after Ross's death but it would be better to save some of that money for the future. What do you think?"

"You don't really want to go back to work though do you?"

"No, but I have to. I mean yeah I'd much rather be here with the kids all day but Joe I need the money. The thing is when Mon has her baby she's gonna need someone to look after it when she goes back to work. I'd love to do that, I love the children so much."

"How about I help you out with money, I mean I'm earning quite a lot now."

"Thanks Joe, but I can't really. I can't depend on you. It wouldn't be fair."

"Rach, please let me do this for you, for us. You obviously need help, and I am willing to give it."

"Joe, I am not a charity case, I don't want to be dependent on you," she responded angrily.

"I know, I know, that wasn't what I meant," he said hurt, "I just thought that as we are together now…I'm sorry."

"No I'm sorry," she responded, "I was wrong, I would love for you to help me out, but I just don't want to feel dependent on you, you know, I mean what if something happened and you couldn't look after us anymore. I have to think about the children."

"I guess, but please let me help you for now, and when the kids are a bit older it will be easier for you to get a job."

"Okay," she relented with a small smile.

"Do Monica and Phoebe pay you to look after their kids?"

The following afternoon Rachel went over to Monica's as she often did in the afternoons. When she got there she found Phoebe there with Faye as well.

"Hi guys, how are you? What you doing this afternoon, do you wanna go to the park, I was gonna take Emma, Sam and Jake."

"Oh Rach, I'm sorry I can't I have to go into work, but would you take Katy with you?" asked Monica.

"Yeah of course, what about you Pheebs?"

"Oh well I have three massage appointments to do this afternoon so I can't either, but do you think you could take Faye with you as well, it'd do her good to get some fresh air," replied Phoebe.

"Well yeah I guess I could probably manage Faye as well. I think I'm turning into some sort of nanny," she joked.

"I don't know how I'd manage without you," smiled Phoebe, "You know if you ever need anything, just ask…I feel like I should repay you in some way for all the times you've looked after Faye."

"You're right Pheebs," said Monica with a smile, "Rach you know you only have to say if you can't take Katy sometimes right?"

"Yeah I know, but it's nice to feel needed, and I enjoy it mostly. Its just, well, I'm gonna have to go back to work sometime, I mean I really need the money, Joey is helping me out for now, but it's not fair that I depend on him forever."

"Oh Rach, I didn't realise, why didn't you say?" asked Monica worriedly.

"What about if we paid you to look after the children," said Phoebe slowly, "I mean you're saving us a ton of money on childcare, its only fair that we give that to you."

"I don't know…, the money would be handy," admitted Rachel, "But you're my friends, and I enjoy looking after the kids."

"No Phoebe's right, from now on we'll pay you," said Monica with a smile, "That way we all win. Pheebs and I know our kids are well looked after and you don't have to go out to work."

"Well okay, thanks you guys," said Rachel with a smile of relief, "I guess we'd better get going if we're gonna get to the park this afternoon. Come on kids."

Rachel bundled the twins back into the buggy, snapped the reins onto Emma and Katy's harnesses and hoisted Faye up into the baby carrier she wore and then set off towards the park.

Later that evening when she had delivered Katy and Faye safely back to their parents she returned home exhausted but happy to give her own children their tea and put them to bed. Joey arrived just as she had got the twins off to sleep as Emma was still racing round in her pyjamas.

"Hi Rach," he called through to the nursery.

"Shush, I've just got them to sleep," she answered, "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I guess, I have to talk to you about something."

"Oh well can it wait 'cos Emma needs to go to bed and I need something to eat, I'm starving. Do you wanna order Chinese?"

"Yeah alright."

Later when the children were sound asleep and they were clearing up their takeaway mess Joey broached the subject he had been wanting to tell Rachel all night. So far he had hardly got a word in edgeways as she had been telling him about Monica and Phoebe paying her to look after Katy and Faye.

"Rach I really need to talk to you, it's important," he said.

"Wow, that sounds serious."

"Yeah well it is. You see the thing is, well, the thing is…"

"What, what's the thing?"

"They're moving production of Days of Our Lives to LA."

"Oh."

"Rach I have to go with them."

"What? No Joey please don't go, don't leave me. I need you."

"Rach I have to go, I'm under contract til' next June. They could take me to court if I break the contract. I was gonna ask you if you'd come with me."

"What?"

"Rach please, you could come with me, we could get a little house by the sea, it'd only be about six months."

"Oh Joey, I can't you know I can't leave New York, I can't just move all the way across America like that."

"Why, why not? Please come with me Rach, I'm gonna miss you like hell, I don't want to go, but I have to, if you came with me it'd make it a bit easier."

"Joe I can't come with you, my life is here. If it were just me I'd be there in a heartbeat, you know that, but I have the children to consider, I mean they've hardly had a settled life as it is. And I have a responsibility to Monica and Phoebe, I can't just back out of that."

"They wouldn't mind, they'd understand."

"Yeah I'm sure they would but I'm sorry Joe I can't come with you."

"I thought you loved me."

"I do. Joe I love you more than anything and it's gonna break my heart to watch you go, but that's the way its gonna have to be. I'm sorry."

"Please just think about it," he pleaded.

"Okay," she assented, "Joe, I love you so much, I don't want you to go, but this is a big decision. Just give me time. When do you have to go?"

"The end of November, but I'll be back for Christmas."

"But that's when Monica's having her baby."

"I know, but I don't really have much choice in the matter. After Christmas I probably won't get another break until June."

"But that's like six months."

"I know, it's a long time, but you know what it's like, it's a really intense filming schedule."

"I'm gonna miss you so much Joe, how am I gonna cope without you?"

"Then come with me…"

"I, I don't know, its hard Joe, my whole life is here, but without you, well…I'll come," she decided quickly.

"Are you sure," he questioned, a delighted smile creeping across his face.

"I'm sure," she smiled, "It'll be an adventure."

A week later Joey told the others about his move to LA and they were understandably upset. However they realised that he had to go for the sake of his career. If he were to break his contract he might never work again. By now Monica was heavily pregnant and only had a few weeks to go until the birth of her child. She had finished work at the restaurant and spent most of her time during the day hanging out with Rachel and the kids. Phoebe's massage business was going from strength to strength and she was getting more clients all the time which meant Faye was spending more and more time with Rachel and her children. Steve was also very busy at work. He worked at the university library and there was a staff shortage which meant he was doing a lot of overtime. Chandler was also busy at work although he always managed to spend time with Monica and Katy and his friends. It seemed to Rachel that everyone was moving forward in their lives apart from her. Monica was about to have a baby, the others jobs were getting better and more well paid, Phoebe was even talking about buying her own premises rather than going to visit her clients at their homes. Meanwhile Rachel spent all day everyday looking after the kids and although she loved all of them totally she felt that she was in a rut. Maybe a move to California was just what she needed.

The next couple of weeks were filled with preparations and plans for the move. Eventually it was decided that Joey would fly out ahead of Rachel and the children so that he could find a place for them to live and sort everything out. Then he would fly back for Christmas and they would all go out together in the new year. A couple of days before Joey was due to leave, Monica went into labour a week early. She was at home with Rachel and the children when she felt the familiar twinges of early contractions.

"Rach, can you come here a minute?"

"Yeah hang on, just got to finish off Jake's nappy."

"Well it's kinda urgent."

"Alright, alright I'm coming," said Rachel hurrying through from the bedroom where she had been changing Jake's nappy. "What's up?"

"I think the baby's coming."

"What now?"

"Yes of course now. Oww oww it hurts. God Rach, we need to get to the hospital."

"Okay, let me just go ask Joey to keep an eye on the kids."

"You can't leave him with five toddlers."

"Why not, he's perfectly capable you know. Anyway we don't really have much choice do we. I mean I can't bring them all to the hospital."

"Alright, alright, just do it quick 'cos I think this baby's in a rush."

"Right stay there." Rachel left the apartment running across the corridor and throwing open the door to Joey's apartment. "Joe, where are you?"

"Hey I'm here there's no need to shout," he said emerging from the bathroom dressed only in a towel. "What's up?"

"Monica's having the baby. I need to take her to hospital; can you look after the kids for me?"

"What all of them? Together?"

"Yes Joe, please this is urgent."

"Okay I'm coming."

"Thank you, oh yeah you might want to hitch that towel up a bit, or put some boxers on."

"Yeah right," he said grinning sheepishly "Give me a minute and I'll be right over."

Rachel hurried back across the corridor to Monica's apartment where the scene that met her was one of devastation. Jake was howling loudly at having been left in the middle of having his nappy changed, Sam had joined his twin and was also wailing loudly. Katy and Faye were throwing toy bricks at each other and Emma was trying to climb up on a chair in the kitchen to reach the sink. In the middle of all this confusion Monica lay slumped on the sofa.

"Mon, Mon are you okay?" asked Rachel quickly lifting Emma off the chair and separating Katy and Faye who were now trying to pull each others hair.

"Oh Rach, you gotta help me, I think the baby's coming now, my waters broke and I really wanna push."

"Right Mon, please try and hang on a minute, I'll call an ambulance." She quickly dialled 911 and spoke to the operator before rushing over to Monica. "Right, she says to check how far you're dilated. Lets get you into the bedroom, you can't do this here." She quickly lifted her friend and half carried her across the room. She gently set her down on the bed as Monica moaned in pain. "Okay Mon I can see the baby's head, so I guess you can push if you want to, I'm gonna get you some clean towels and we need some sterilised scissors."

"No Rach don't leave me."

"Well I… Oh Joey thank god you're here, can you get some towels from the bathroom and boil up some water in a saucepan? Oh and please stop Katy and Faye from killing each other."

"Why what's going on?"

"Monica's having the baby now."

"My god, er, okay towels."

"Oh and Joey," Rachel called through to the bathroom, "Please call Chandler and tell him to get here now."

Monica moaned again as another contraction hit her and all of a sudden gave an almighty push. "Rach what's happening, is he coming, please help me."

"Yeah Mon, you're doing well, he's coming, another couple of pushes should do it. When the next contraction comes give a big push okay?"

"Okay, oh here goes." Monica screamed as the pain hit her and she pushed again. All of a sudden there was a whooshing noise and the baby slid out into Rachel's arms. She quickly wrapped the tiny child in a towel and rubbed him down to stimulate his breathing. He coughed and spluttered clearing his lungs before he let out a healthy cry. Joey handed Rachel the sterilised scissors to cut the cord as Monica lay back on the sofa exhausted.

"What is it Rach?" she asked happily as she heard her child cry.

"It's a boy Mon, he's beautiful. Here hold him." She carefully passed the crying child to his mother as the ambulance men entered the apartment followed a few moments later by Chandler.

"What's happening, Joey called me, he said the baby was coming," he said frantically.

"Congratulations Chandler you have a baby boy," said Rachel happily.

"What I missed it?"

"Yeah, sorry man, he was in a bit of a rush," commented Joey.

"Is Monica okay?"

"Yeah I think so, the paramedics are just checking her over," replied Rachel "We'll leave you now, I just gotta collect up the kids." She picked a still screaming twin up under each arm, as Joey grabbed Faye and Emma and they left the family in peace to get to know the new arrival. The paramedics took Monica and the baby to hospital to make sure they were alright after the traumatic delivery and Chandler followed taking Katy with him. Monica was kept in overnight, but released the next day when she returned home to find the apartment decorated with streamers and balloons by her friends. Everyone was there to welcome the new arrival home and to hear what Monica and Chandler had decided to call their son.

"Hey guys," cried Phoebe excitedly as she opened the door of Monica and Chandler's apartment, "How're you feeling Mon?"

"Oh I'm fine thanks, a bit tired, but I'm okay. Here would you like to hold him?"

"Oh wow, yeah sure," said Phoebe carefully taking the sleeping baby from Monica. "Oh he's gorgeous Mon. He's amazing."

"I know." Everyone gathered round to get a good look at the baby before Phoebe passed him back to Monica. "Hey Rach, do you want to hold him?"

"Yeah please." Rachel took the baby cradling him expertly against her body as he slept peacefully. "Hi little guy, I'm your Auntie Rachel, aren't you the most adorable little one? Huh aren't you beautiful baby. Are you gonna wake up and meet your cousins? I bet you're tired after all that rushing yesterday aren't you? Yeah you just sleep for now; we'll get to know each other better later. You better go back to your mommy." She handed the baby back to Monica who placed him carefully in the bassinet in the corner of the room.

"So guys, what're you gonna call him?" asked Joey impatiently.

"Well we thought about it a lot and if it's alright with Rachel we'd like to call him Daniel Ross. Is that okay Rach, I mean we can call him something else if you want…" said Chandler slowly.

"That's perfect," said Rachel, full of pride. "Ross would be so proud of his gorgeous new nephew. Thank you, you guys."

"Oh and Rach," put in Monica, "I'd just like to thank you for being there yesterday, I don't know what I would have done if I had been on my own, but you were so calm and helpful. I couldn't have done it without you."

"Oh well I just happened to be there, anyone would have done the same thing in that situation, and anyway, it wasn't just me, Joey helped as well."

"Yeah, thanks Joe." Chandler said happily.

"Hey it's all part of the service, but seriously Rachel did most of it, I just did what I was told. Now I hate to break up this happy party, but I've got a plane to catch tomorrow morning so I'd better go pack."

"Yeah I'll come with you," said Rachel quietly.

Joey and Rachel left to go over the hall taking Emma and the twins with them. Phoebe and Steve decided they had better go as well and soon it was just Monica, Chandler and their children left in the apartment.

"I love you Mon, and I'm so proud of you. Thank you for our beautiful son," said Chandler kissing her gently.

"I love you too Chandler Bing," said Monica.

Over at Joey's apartment Rachel was sitting on the floor playing with the twins while Joey packed his big suitcase helped by Emma. However whenever Joey managed to pack something Emma would unpack it for him so he wasn't really getting very far. "Rach do you think you could stop Emma unpacking all my stuff, 'cos it kinda makes it hard to pack," he said smiling down at her.

"She doesn't want you to leave, just like me," said Rachel sadly.

"Its only for a month or so and then you'll be coming to join me, it'll fly by. I promise," he smiled.

"Maybe, but I'll be thinking of you all the time, it'll be weird not to have you around everyday."

"I know, I'll think about you too, and I'll call you everyday," he said, "Now I think I'm about done here so how about we go over to yours, give the kids some tea and put them to bed and then we can go to bed too."

"Sounds like a plan," she replied kissing him quickly on the lips, lets go."

They quickly crossed the street up to Rachel's apartment where Joey made tea for the children while Rachel played with them and got the twins bathed and in their sleepsuits ready for bed. A couple of hours later all three were fed and the twins were asleep in their cots. Emma played hide and seek with Joey while Rachel showered and changed. She emerged from the bedroom in her kimono to find Joey lying on the floor being tickled and jumped on by Emma who was laughing her head off.

"Come on you little rascal, bed time for you," Rachel said picking up her daughter and carrying her through to her tiny bedroom. She was soon ready for bed and Rachel read her a story from her favourite book until she fell asleep. She went back into the lounge to find Joey asleep on the sofa. Quietly she leaned over and kissed him deeply on the lips to wake him up before sitting down heavily on his lap. He returned her kiss holding her tightly to his body; she turned around on his lap so that she was straddling him, her legs around his waist and they kissed ardently feeling the hunger and passion in each other, wanting each other more than they knew. With difficulty he rose from the sofa with her legs still around him and carried her through to the bedroom kicking the door shut behind him.

Rachel woke at 7.30. She looked over to find Joey gone and panicked suddenly thinking he had left without saying goodbye. "Joe, Joey where are you?" she called worriedly.

"Hey, I'm here," he said poking his head around the door, "I couldn't sleep so I went for a walk. What's the matter?"

"Oh nothing, I thought you'd gone without saying bye."

"Would I really do that Rach? Anyway the plane doesn't leave until 11.30am and it's only 7.30."

"Yeah right, sorry."

Rachel got up and washed and dressed the children while Joey prepared breakfast for all of them. When they had eaten, they got into their outdoor clothes and went across the street to see Monica and Chandler so that Joey could say goodbye. When they got there they found the family still eating breakfast so Joey went across to his apartment to fetch a few last things and make sure it was tidy. By the time he returned Phoebe and Steve had also arrived with Faye to say goodbye to Joey. They all gathered round hugging him and wishing him well. They knew that he would be back in a month but it seemed a long time and none of them wanted him to go. He had decided that he would rather go to the airport by himself so all the goodbyes were said at the apartment. Before he went he took Chandler aside and said "Hey man, er I gotta ask you something. I know you're gonna be really busy with the new baby and all, but please just keep an eye on Rachel, make sure she's alright you know. She just needs someone to lean on sometimes."

"Hey of course, we'll all look after her. She's gonna really miss you you know."

"Yeah well I'll miss her too. I'm gonna miss all of you."

They hugged quickly before returning to the group. Soon it was time for Joey to go and they all gathered round to say goodbye.

"Bye Mon, I'm gonna miss you all, and good luck with little Daniel, I'll be back at Christmas so make sure that turkey's on the table won't you," he said laughing. "Bye Pheebs, I'll miss you, see you soon."

"Bye Joey, I'll miss you too, have fun in LA," she replied sadly.

"Bye Steve, you look after Pheebs for me."

"Yeah of course, see ya man."

"Chandler, I'm gonna miss you man, we'll go see the Knicks when I get back."

"Yeah sure, bye man."

"Bye Emma, you be good for mommy till I get back okay, you gotta look after her for me," said Joey lifting her up and twirling her around. He quickly hugged all the other children while Emma clung to his leg not wanting him to leave. Finally he came to Rachel. He hugged her tightly smelling the coconutty smell of her hair. They kissed, Emma still clinging to his leg. "Bye Rach," he whispered, "I love you."

"Bye Joe, come back soon," she said sadly, "I love you and I'll miss you. I'll be waiting." They parted and she bent down to grab Emma off Joey's leg. He picked up his suitcase and went down the stairs followed by the rest of the gang. He climbed into the taxi waiting at the door and waved as they watched him drive off down the street. When he had completely disappeared from view they all went inside again trooping up the stairs to Monica and Chandler's apartment.

"I guess he's gone then," said Phoebe sadly as she closed the door to the apartment.

"Yeah, but he'll be back soon," said Chandler trying to look on the bright side of things as normal. In fact he was feeling more upset than he showed. Since Ross had died he and Joey had been even closer than ever and now that he had gone Chandler felt that their friendship would never be the same again. Apart from Steve he was now the only guy in the group and he felt a responsibility to look after his friends. Phoebe had Steve so she was okay, but he knew that Rachel would need a hand from time to time and it was to him and Monica that she would turn.

"I guess I'd better get going then," said Rachel picking the twins up and putting them in the buggy.

"Aww Rach, stay for a bit, please," asked Monica.

"No, not today, I've got things to do. I'll see you later."

"Oh Rach," said Phoebe suddenly, "Would you be able to look after Faye tomorrow for me, I've got to go to work."

"Yeah sure, bring her over whenever you're ready,"

"Okay, I'll be there about 9.30 if that's okay?"

"Yeah whatever. See ya guys."

"Bye Rach," they chorused as she manhandled the buggy into the hall.

When she had gone Monica turned to the others, "Do you think she's gonna be okay without Joey? I mean she's come to depend on him a lot."

"She'll manage," said Phoebe, "She's a fighter, we know that much but I think she's gonna need a helping hand from time to time."

"Well if she ever wants anything doing we're all prepared to help her out aren't we Chandler?" asked Monica.

"Yeah of course, but I think its company she's gonna need more than anything." He replied, "I mean she must get lonely sometimes, I know she's got the kids but she needs a bit of adult company, you know?"

"Yeah, well we're here whenever she needs us."


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer

The characters in this story are the property of Bright, Kauffman & Crane and I am not profiting from this story.

Authors Note

Thanks for the reviews, please keep reading and reviewing, I really appreciate the comments. Sorry it took me so long to update. This chapter is written in diary form, I'm not sure if it works but here goes…

You Were Mine

Chapter 14

**Rachel**

**30 November**

I miss Joey, I never thought it would be possible that I would miss him so much, but I do. I have got so used to having him around, that it's weird to remember that he's not here, that he won't be coming over for dinner, that we won't hang out and watch TV and play with the children. He's only been gone for three days but already I am counting down the days until I see him again. He will be home on 23 December. I can't wait, but also I am apprehensive, I'm not sure that I really want to go to LA. It will be such a big upheaval and I really don't know if I have the energy to move all the way across the country. I have been feeling so tired lately and now that Joey's gone Emma has been acting up. I think she misses him almost as much as I do.

I wouldn't say I was lonely, I see Monica and Chandler most days and Phoebe often calls in as well, but I miss just having the presence of someone else in the apartment. I know I have the children and I am so grateful for that but I can't exactly have a meaningful conversation with them.

**Joey**

**2 December**

Well here I am in LA, land of the beautiful people. And basically it sucks, I miss Rach and I miss the kids. I'm so lonely, I don't really know anyone here, well except for the rest of the DOOL cast but they are always out partying and I really don't feel like it. I called Rachel earlier, she sounded kind of worried and tired. I really want to be there for her, if only I didn't have to do this stupid job. The twins both have colds and Emma has been misbehaving, but I kind of got the idea there was something else bothering her as well. I hope she isn't having second thoughts about moving out here. I would understand if she changed her mind, I guess, but I really hope she doesn't. I have managed to rent an apartment and I am trying to get it nice for her and the children. I can't wait, I think Rachel will like it here; she can go shopping and take the children to the beach. It will be a totally new experience for all of them.

**Rachel**

**4 December**

Oh no, oh no, oh this can't be happening. I have a major problem. I guess I might as well go ahead and say it even though it makes it seem so real, so final. Well here goes, I'm pregnant. There I said it. I'm pregnant, again. I was totally unprepared for this, I never even suspected until a couple of days ago. That was until I spoke to Monica, I was telling her how tired I've been lately and how I've been feeling kind of queasy and she just came out with it, she just said 'Have you considered that you might be pregnant?' And I could hardly believe she was suggesting it, but suddenly it all made sense and this cold fear just ran through me. I'm not ready to have another baby; Joey and I aren't ready for this, it's totally gonna screw him up and he's gonna freak out. I can't believe this is happening.

Okay Rach calm down, this isn't the end of the world, you just have to figure out how to tell him, you gotta put a positive spin on this. I'm just not sure that I want another baby, I don't know if I would cope, I mean there's no way I would get rid of it, its just that I don't know how Joe's gonna react and I could never survive if he decided he wanted to end it all. Right, I have to tell him and then we can figure out where to go from there. I really don't want to tell him over the phone, but there's no way I can wait until Christmas. I'll do it now tonight, before I change my mind…

**Joey**

**5 December**

Rachel is pregnant. Wow, I'm gonna be a dad, its amazing and wonderful but somehow I get the feeling that Rach isn't too happy about it…She phoned me last night and as soon as she spoke I knew something was up, her voice was all wobbly and when she told me she started crying. I just want to gather her up in my arms and hold her and tell her it's all gonna be alright. It's killing me that I am so far away and there's nothing I can do to help her. I almost quit today just so I could go home and be with her, but then I realised I have responsibilities now, I'm not just looking out for myself anymore, there's a whole load of people that I love who depend on me, and its really not gonna help if I lose my job. I'm really gonna have to grow up…It's a scary thought, but its also wonderful. I'm gonna have a child…It's almost too big to get my head around, but I can't wait.

**Rachel**

**8 December**

Well Joey took the news much better than I expected, he seemed really excited. I'm just not sure that he comprehends exactly what this means for our relationship. I really want him just to be here so that I can talk to him properly about it all.

I went to the doctor today, Monica came with me. The baby is due in June. To be honest I'm not sure exactly how I feel about it. With the others I felt excited and happy when I found out I was pregnant, this time I just feel worried, there's so much that could go wrong, so much that could happen and I can't get this nagging doubt out of my head that I'm gonna end up alone, again. I know that Joey loves me, and he seems genuinely happy about being a father, but…I guess I'm just scared and lonely. I want him to be here, to hold me. I miss that so much. Only 15 days until he comes home, I guess I should start packing up our stuff. We are leaving for LA on 2 January.

**Joey**

**11 December**

Chandler called me today; he and Monica are really worried about Rachel. They have hardly seen her all week and she won't talk to Monica about how she feels. Monica went over to the apartment this afternoon and tried to get her to open up but she wouldn't. She won't tell me how she feels either. Whenever I call her to try and talk about the baby she changes the subject. I get the idea that she feels if she doesn't talk about it, it doesn't really exist. I am worried. Why doesn't she want this baby, is it because of me? I begged Monica to get her to talk, the last thing she needs is to make herself ill by worrying about it.

I think she is also worried about moving out here, and to be honest I am seriously considering quitting at Christmas. I might not have a job anymore, but at least I could be with Rachel when she really needs me. It would be tough for her to be out here, pregnant with three young children and not knowing anyone. If I moved back to New York I could probably get a job doing something, even if it wasn't acting, just as long as I could support my family. Wow that sounds so weird, but its true, Rachel and the kids are my family now and soon there'll be another little one coming to join us.

**Rachel **

**17 December **

Joey quit DOOL, I can't believe he did that for me. I feel so relieved that we don't have to go to LA, but I also feel guilty for feeling like that. He sacrificed his career for me, for us. I just hope that we can make it work as a family. I know he will be there to support us all the way, I just hope he doesn't end up thinking it was a mistake.

This pregnancy is really taking its toll. I feel so tired and I'm still getting morning sickness even though I'm almost three months gone. It doesn't help that Emma has been misbehaving again. This morning she tipped her cereal all over the floor and I got so cross that I smacked her. I felt terrible afterwards, taking out my tiredness on her, I just sat and cried. Of course that was when Monica turned up, walking in without knocking as always. Practical as always she calmed Emma, tidied up the kitchen and made us coffee. It was so nice just to have someone who cared that I ended up pouring out all my worries and doubts to her, about how scared I was, about how much I miss Joe and how much I have come to depend on him. I just don't want him to get back here and find me like this, still doubting whether I really want this baby at all. When I think of it I just feel empty and numb and I don't know why, it scares me. I didn't tell Monica that, I think she would be too shocked, she's my best friend, but there are some things you can't tell anyone, that you keep locked inside you.

**Joey**

**21 December**

Well two days left until I return to New York. The directors of the show were surprisingly accommodating when I explained the situation to them and they agreed to terminate my contract early. I've been talking with Estelle and she has lined me up with a few auditions after Christmas, so hopefully I'll get work and everything will be okay.

I'm still worried about Rachel, I just know there's something she's not telling me, I just need to get back there and talk to her properly. Monica managed to talk to her, but she too feels there's something that Rachel's keeping hidden. If only I knew what she was worried about I could try to help her. She seemed relieved that she didn't have to come to California, I just hope she hasn't changed her mind about us being together. Ahh well I'll see her on Tuesday so maybe we can get all this sorted out then. I can't wait, but I'm also a little nervous.

**Rachel**

**23 December**

Joey will be home this afternoon; I'm going to the airport to meet him. We have to talk. I have to tell him the truth about how I feel about this baby; he has a right to know. And then he can make up his mind, I just hope and pray that he doesn't end up hating me. I could never bear that, to lose not just his love but his friendship as well. I don't want to hurt him and I don't want to get hurt, but we have to be honest with each other.

I went for my first scan yesterday, I saw the baby on the screen, and I felt nothing, nothing. Why is that, I don't understand. I just know that whenever I think about this baby all I see is the endless rounds of nappies, sleepless nights and worry. I really need Joey to help me see the positive side of all this. It will be the first time for him, I mean I know he helped me with the twins but this time it's for real, it's his baby. I just want to be in his arms and let him comfort me and smooth away all the worries…

It's time to go to the airport, here goes nothing…


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer

The characters in this story belong to Bright, Kaufmann & Crane.

Authors Note

Sorry it took so long to update. I had a severe case of writers block, but I think I know where I am going with this now, so I hope to have the next chapter up by the weekend. Thank you as usual to all of you who read and review, it means a lot to me. And yes Estelle did die, and I completely forgot…

You Were Mine

Chapter 15

Rachel scanned the crowds coming through the arrivals gate eagerly. She was excited but nervous at the same time. She wanted so much to see him, had waited so long for this moment, but now that it was here she didn't know what to say, how to react to him. She stood for long moments straining to see him over the crowds in front of her, and then, suddenly there he was. He looked a little bewildered and tired. She waved but he didn't see her at first, and then suddenly their eyes locked and he smiled. She smiled back and tried to push her way to the front of the crowd. He rushed towards her eagerly and almost knocked her off her feet as he hugged her.

"Rach, honey, I missed you so much," he gasped, "Are you okay? I was worried about you."

"I'm fine," she smiled, "I missed you too."

"Rach, about the baby…" he started as they walked towards the taxis waiting outside the doors of the arrivals hall.

"Not now, Joe please. Can't it wait until we get home?"

"Rach, we have to talk about this, I'm worried about you, about us."

"Yeah, but not here with all these people around. Please just leave it for now," she said as they climbed into a waiting taxi. The journey home was accomplished in near silence and Rachel was relieved when they were able to enter her apartment and close the door behind them. Alone at last.

Joey dumped his suitcase in the bedroom and wandered out to the kitchen where Rachel was making coffee. Quietly he came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her already expanding waist. Gently he kissed her neck; she smiled and turning around kissed him full on the lips. "I missed this," she murmured, "I missed you." The kiss deepened and they kissed passionately for a few minutes. She sank into him, all her neediness and desire of the last few weeks taking over until she could hardly control herself. Eventually he pulled away.

"Okay, Rach, now we're home, we're by ourselves, we need to talk."

"I have to go and fetch the kids from Monica's, but we will talk, later," she promised.

"Okay, but you have to promise me one thing Rach."

"What?"

"That when we talk about this, you have to be completely honest; I need to know how you feel, about us and about the baby."

"I promise," she smiled even though inside she was in turmoil. She couldn't let Joey know how she really felt. If he found out how she really felt about the baby, he would never forgive her.

They walked across the road to Monica and Chandler's apartment and quickly climbed the stairs. Joey almost ran towards the door and into the apartment; Emma spotted him immediately and ran across the room towards him, throwing herself into his arms. He lifted her easily and swung her in the air and she giggled madly, "Hey Emma girl, how have you been?" he asked as she sat excitedly on his shoulders.

"I missed you, Mummy was sad," she said.

"Ah well I hope you cheered her up, 'cos we can't have Mummy being sad, that's no fun,"

"I tried, and Sam and Jake did too, but they're kinda small."

"Well I'm here now, so we'll all have fun together," promised Joey setting the small girl down and greeting Chandler with a hug. "Hey man, how are you?"

"I'm good," smiled Chandler, glad that Joey was back. He had missed him more than he cared to say.

"Did I miss anything exciting?"

"Nah, not really, same old, same old," said Chandler, "Hey do you want to see Daniel, he's grown a lot since you left."

"Sure."

Chandler took Joey into the bedroom while Rachel gathered up her children's belongings and stowed them in the basket underneath the buggy. "Did you talk to him yet Rach?" asked Monica.

"No, Mon we only just got back from the airport, give me a chance."

"Okay, there's no need to snap, I was just asking."

"Sorry, its just I'm so worried about this, about the baby and our relationship. Monica I love him so much…"

"You'll work it out Rach, he loves you too remember, and I know he's excited about this baby."

"Yeah that's the problem," muttered Rachel.

"Huh?"

"I said we'll sort out our problems," replied Rachel.

"Of course you will. I guess you want to be going."

"Yeah we'd better get off, I need to make dinner for the children and I have to bath the twins as well. Thanks for looking after them this afternoon. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Okay, bye."

Back home Rachel bathed the children while Joey cooked dinner. Once the twins were fed and settled down for the night and Emma was happily watching her favourite Jungle Book DVD, she sank down on the sofa exhausted. It had been a long day and she knew that now would come the moment she had been dreading. Joey sat down next to her and slipped his arm around her pulling her towards him. "Okay Rach, you can't put this off any longer, I want to know how you feel, what you are worried about, because I know you, and I know you aren't as happy about this baby, our baby as you should be."

"Why do you think that?" she asked stalling for time.

"Rach its kinda obvious, you don't want to talk about the baby, you've been putting it off since I got home, and you hardly wanted to talk about it on the phone either."

"I, I, I…"

"Rach, honey if you have doubts, worries, that's okay. I just need to know how you honestly feel."

"You don't want to know," she said silent tears beginning to roll down her cheeks, "Joe its too horrible…"

"Rach, sweetie, it can't be that bad, you can tell me anything, you know that. Don't you trust me?"

"Joe, of course I trust you, but if I tell you what's been going through my head these last few weeks, you're gonna hate me, and I couldn't bear that."

"I'm not gonna hate you Rach, nothing could ever make me hate you. Please you're worrying me, just tell me what's the matter and we can work it out together."

"Well, I, I'm not sure how I feel about this baby, I feel different than I did with the others. I, I'm not sure that I want it…"

"Rach this is our baby, yours and mine, why…why do you feel this way?"

"Joe I don't know, and I wish I did 'cos then I might be able to do something about it. I promise its nothing to do with how I feel about you, you know I love you, you have to believe that…I, I don't know what to think anymore…" She was sobbing now, her body shaking as she curled up in his arms. Thinking only that he needed to comfort and reassure her, he pulled her onto his lap and held her tight until her sobs subsided and she was able to look at him. Gently he smoothed the tears from her cheeks and passed her a tissue to blow her nose. When she was calm again, he looked at her.

"Rach, we'll get through this, I'll get you through this. Once you see our baby you're gonna realise how much you love it. I promise you it'll all be okay."

"You're not mad?" she asked incredulously.

"No I'm not mad, I'm a little shocked," he admitted, "But I'm not mad, we'll sort this out."

"I'm sorry Joe, I don't want to feel this way, but I honestly can't see it getting better…"

"Try not to worry sweetie, it'll be okay," Joey reassured her, although at the back of his mind he wasn't entirely sure that it would be.

Christmas day dawned cold but bright. Rachel and Joey were woken at 5am by Emma throwing herself excitedly on their bed pulling her bulging stocking after her. Rachel groaned as she felt the soft weight of her daughter land on her legs, and looked up. "Emma honey, its too early to be up yet."

"Its Christmas…Mummy wake up, look what Santa brought me…" With a yawn Rachel sat up resigned to the fact that she wasn't going to get anymore sleep that morning. She reached up to turn on the light by the side of the bed and pulled the covers up to her chin.

"Okay, okay. But please try to be quiet honey; I want Sam and Jake to sleep a bit longer yet."

The next hour was spent helping Emma excitedly open the presents in her stocking. This was the first year she was really able to appreciate the excitement of Christmas and she was really making the most of it. Presently Joey got up to make coffee and Emma followed him out to the kitchen. Left alone Rachel reflected on last Christmas, when she had been so sad, so sure that life would never really be good again. Now it was different, now she had Joey and she was going to have their baby, but she still wasn't happy. What was wrong with her?

The rest of the day passed quickly and it wasn't until that evening when the children were in bed exhausted by the excitement of the day that Rachel and Joey were able to get some time for themselves. "It was a good day, huh?" asked Joey.

"Yeah, the kids really enjoyed themselves," smiled Rachel thinking of the look on her daughter's face when she had opened her main present, a tricycle.

"But did you enjoy yourself?"

"I guess," she shrugged, "It was kind of crazy."

"Did you like your present?"

"I loved it," she said contentedly, thinking of the delicate silver bangle that he had given her. On the inside were inscribed the words 'Love is the greatest gift of all.' She had been overwhelmed by the thoughtfulness of his gift. She hadn't known what to get him, so in the end she had bought him a sweater and two shirts that she knew he would like.

"Did you have a nice day?" she asked.

"I did, and it was made even better that I was able to spend it with you. But Rach,

I know you're not happy and I want to find out why and make it better, if there's anything I can do to help you, please just tell me…I love you so much and I don't want to see you hurting anymore."

"I think I'm scared," she confessed, "I'm scared of ending up alone again, of losing you…"

"You're not gonna lose me Rach, never, I promise."

"I know that in the back of my mind, but you have to understand that I'm vulnerable right now, that being pregnant again just brings back all of the feelings that I had when Ross died and I was left alone. I know I have you, and I know you won't leave me, but that irrational fear prevents me from being completely happy about all of this."

"I don't know how I can help," said Joey powerlessly.

"You help just by being here Joe, I'm so glad you're back. And I'm gonna show you how glad I am right now," she said standing up and taking his hand, leading him into the bedroom.


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer

The characters in this story belong to Bright, Kaufmann & Crane.

Authors Note

I really love this chapter, its basically Joey and Rachel fluff, but hey they need some happiness. This chapter is also a little more racy than the rest of the story but I think it works. I was a little swamped this weekend so I couldn't update sooner. Sorry about that. Thanks to all of you who read and review, I'm glad you like the story and all suggestions are gratefully received. Hope you enjoy this chapter.

You Were Mine

Chapter 16

The New Year was soon upon them and amid all the excitement of the holiday season Rachel had little time to worry about her impending motherhood. She and Joey took time to enjoy being together. They did family things, taking the children to the park and to the zoo and one memorable day they even took Emma up the Empire State Building. Everything seemed to be going well for once, Rachel was coming round to the idea of having another child and Joey had managed to secure an acting job on a new sitcom for NBC. Joey was now living almost permanently at Rachel's apartment although both of them knew that she really needed a bigger place. It just wasn't practical to have four children in a two bedroom apartment. However, although she didn't say as much to Joey, Rachel really didn't want to move. She loved her apartment and the memories it evoked of her life with Ross.

By the end of January Rachel was due to have her next scan. On the morning of the appointment she and Joey dropped Emma and the twins off and Monica and Chandler's before heading towards the hospital. Joey gripped her hand tightly as they walked through the icy streets thronged with shoppers and tourists.

"I'm so excited Rach," said Joey smiling happily at her, "I'm gonna get to see our baby, this is so amazing."

"I'm glad," she smiled up at him, "I really think that maybe this baby is a good thing for us, although I'm still kinda scared…I dunno."

"Hey Rach honey, there's nothing to be scared of, I promise, I'm here for you all the way."

"I know," she said reaching up to kiss him, "I don't know what I'd do without you."

Soon they arrived at the hospital and took the lift up to the maternity department. Sitting down on the hard plastic chairs in the waiting room, Joey could hardly contain his excitement. She smiled at his obvious anticipation, thinking how wonderful it was that he was so supportive and loving. Eventually Rachel's name was called and they both got up and followed the doctor into the examination room.

"Good morning Rachel. How have you been?" asked the doctor as she prepared the equipment for the scan.

"I'm fine thank you, the morning sickness has more or less gone now, thank goodness," she smiled, "Oh, I don't think you've met my boyfriend, this is Joey."

"Hi," he greeted the doctor with a smile, "I expect Rachel has told you this wasn't exactly planned but we're both really excited about it, right Rach?"

"Yeah," she agreed, "I'm more positive about it than I was. We'll be fine."

"Well that's good to hear, I was a little worried after our last consultation. Now Rachel, if you'll just hop up on the bed for me, and lift your t-shirt so that I can spread the gel on your stomach."

"Sure, I think I know the drill by now," she laughed. Joey helped her up onto the bed and held her hand. She grinned at him and then they both looked expectantly toward the screen where the scan would appear. Gently the doctor applied the cold gel and ran the scanner over her belly. Suddenly a regular whooshing sound filled the room as the baby's heartbeat was picked up by the monitor. "That's our baby, isn't it amazing?" asked Rachel contentedly.

"Its amazing, and look there he is on the screen. Oh wow, Rach that's our baby…" For once Joey was lost for words as he gazed in wonder at the fuzzy image of his child on the TV screen.

"I'll give you guys a couple of minutes," said the doctor putting the scanner down and walking towards the door. When she had gone Joey turned to Rachel with tears in his eyes.

"Its so amazing," he gasped, "Rach I love you so much, thank you…I, I, this is what I've always wanted, a family, our family."

"I'm glad," she said simply, "Joe, I'm sorry about before, about not wanting the baby, I guess I was just scared and worried about how I would cope, but when you're here I feel strong, invincible almost. We can face anything as long as we have each other, right?"

"Absolutely," he said emphatically as he leaned into kiss her deeply on the lips.

Soon the doctor reappeared to finish the examination, "Would you like to know the sex of your baby?" she asked.

"Oh, I er, what do you think Rach?"

"You choose Joe, I don't mind."

"Well, no thank you then, I think we should just wait and see."

"Okay then, well I'll just finish the examination and then you'll be free to go, and please don't hesitate to call if you have any problems or concerns," said the doctor, "I'm always happy to help."

"Thank you," said Rachel with a smile. She pulled her t-shirt down and Joey helped her off the bed.

"Oh and I'd like to see you again in eight weeks time for your next scan, so you can book your appointment as you leave," the doctor informed them.

"Sure, we'll do that," said Joey ushering Rachel towards the door, "Thank you doctor. Goodbye."

They quickly made the appointment and were soon back out on the busy street heading back towards Monica and Chandler's apartment. "Hey Rach, do you want to stop somewhere for lunch," asked Joey suddenly, "Monica said she could keep the kids until three so we don't need to rush back."

"Sure, that would be nice, I am kinda hungry," she confessed, "Can we get pizza?"

"Of course, you know I never say no to pizza."

"Oh we could go to Benito's, its just across the street, and they let you choose your own toppings, I would really like a pizza with black olives, pineapple, tuna and pepperoni…yeah that'd be great…"

"Rach, that's an awful combination, and besides you don't even like pineapple."

"I just have a craving for it, it's weird," she smiled.

"You can say that again," laughed Joey, "Did you get weird cravings when you were pregnant before?"

"Yeah I guess, well when I was having Emma I liked peanut butter and spinach sandwiches, and with the twins it was mint chocolate chip ice cream…"

"Well that's not so weird."

"No but I liked it with saltine crackers. Mmm that was good."

"No that's disgusting…And I thought I ate some weird stuff," he joked.

The snowy weeks of February and early March flew after that. Rachel was visibly pregnant by now and having come around to the idea of another child was enjoying her pregnancy. Joey's sitcom was going well, the pilot episode had aired in mid February and had been picked up by the network for a full season. He was happy to be working again and earning good money for a job that he loved. He was even happier however when he came home at the end of the day to spend the evening with Rachel and her children whom he considered his family. Towards the end of March he came home later than usual with a Chinese takeaway for his and Rachel's dinner. He was met at the door by Rachel wildly excited and grinning, "Joe, come here," she gasped, "The baby just started kicking, come and feel."

"Oh my god," he cried practically running towards her. Gently he placed his hand on her swollen belly and felt the fluttering of his child kicking inside her. "Oh wow, that's amazing," he grinned, "Does it feel weird?"

"Kinda, its like, well I don't know, it's hard to describe, its weird but its wonderful weird." Taking his free hand she led him over to the sofa and they sat down, all the time he kept his hand on her belly, amazed at the overwhelming feeling of love he felt for this child and its mother. She leaned into him kissing him passionately, until he responded putting all his energy into the kiss. Suddenly he pulled away, "Rach, the kids…"

"Don't worry they're asleep in bed," she smiled, "You were late tonight."

"Yeah I guess," he said getting into a more comfortable position and resuming their kiss. For a while they kissed ardently and she snuggled closer to him, the swell of her belly pressed against his stomach. "God you're gorgeous Rach," he mumbled into her mouth, "I love you so much…"

"Mmm me too," she muttered, her breathing becoming ragged as desire leapt within her, "Shall we move this into the bedroom?"

"We could do it here," he suggested with a smile, "I want you so bad Rach." With practised ease he unhooked her bra and she pulled off her t-shirt. His lips caressed her neck and her shoulders moving eventually to her breasts. He knew how to please her and she sighed with satisfaction as he attended to her. Clambering on top of him she unbuttoned his pants and grunted a little as he grasped her bottom drawing her down on top of him. She pulled away for a moment and wriggled out of her jeans before submitting to his eager touch again. They were both ready and as he slid easily into her she let out a little moan of satisfaction. They moved together with a forceful rhythm until she stiffened on top of him and they climaxed together. Crying out with pleasure she began to pull away from him and they broke apart. His arms were still around her and they kissed again. "God you're wonderful Rach," muttered Joey. She smiled down at him, "That was amazing…"

"You're so sexy Rach, you're beautiful…"

"I'm fat," she giggled, "This is not sexy, I feel like a whale, and I still have almost three months to go."

"You'll always be sexy to me sweetie, however big you get."

"You brought home Chinese right?" she asked suddenly.

"Yeah it's on the table."

"I'm hungry, come on lets eat and then we can go to bed."

"Sounds like a plan," he agreed getting up and following her into the kitchen. He watched her as she ate hungrily despite the fact that the food was almost cold by now. "I could heat that up for you," he suggested.

"Its fine," she shrugged. They ate quickly and threw the cartons in the bin before he led her into the bedroom. "Ohhh I'm tired," she yawned, "It's been a busy day…oh Joe, Joe, the baby's kicking again."

"Can I feel," he asked placing his hand on her stomach, "It's fantastic."

"Yep," she said snuggling down under the duvet. He lay down next to her and turned off the bedside light. For long minutes they lay in the darkness their hands clasped over her swollen belly until eventually the baby became still again and Joey realised Rachel was fast asleep, her breathing deep and regular. He smiled to himself and settled down to sleep next to her.

The following morning Rachel woke early, looking at the clock on her bedside table she saw that it was only 5.30. She knew she wouldn't sleep again so she quietly climbed out of the warmth of the bed and pulled her dressing gown around her. Softly she padded out into the kitchen trying to be as silent as possible. It was a Saturday morning and with any luck Emma and the twins would sleep for a while yet. She sat down at the table with a mug of coffee and revelled in the peaceful calm that surrounded her. She rarely got any time alone with her thoughts so she made the most of the time that she had. The baby started to kick again and she smiled. She could hardly believe now that there had been a time when she didn't want this child. Even now she knew it would be hard at times, but it would definitely be worth it.

Her thoughts turned to a problem that was becoming increasingly obvious. She would have to move house. Idly she glanced around the kitchen, the fridge plastered with the children's artwork and two dinosaur magnets that Ross had gotten from the gift shop at the museum, the cooker where she had become proficient at cooking the simple food that her children enjoyed, the barely visible stain on the grey carpet where Emma had dropped a whole cup of blackcurrant squash. It would be a wrench to leave this home where she had so many memories good and bad, but she knew that her memories would stay with her and that it was time to move on. She and Joey were together now and they needed their own home where they could build new memories. She was so consumed with her thoughts that she didn't notice Joey standing in the doorway. He watched her for a while as she sat there in her pyjamas, her golden brown hair falling across her face, her right hand curled around her favourite coffee mug, her left resting protectively on her belly. Suddenly he sneezed and she looked up, disturbed from her reverie. The look of shock on her face was so comical that he started laughing and coughing at the same time. She started giggling too and soon they were both laughing uncontrollably while still trying to be as quiet as possible. Eventually he caught his breath and managed to stop laughing although giggles still escaped him occasionally. "What's so funny?" she enquired indignantly.

"Just the look on your face when I sneezed," he grinned, "You looked so shocked."

"Well it was quiet and suddenly there was this huge noise," she giggled.

"What were you thinking about?"

"I was just thinking we should start looking for a bigger apartment," she admitted, "Much as I love this place its kinda cramped now and when the baby comes its gonna be way too small."

"We have to start looking for an apartment?" he asked, "You and me?"

"Well yeah, you're not escaping now," she said with a smile, "That is what you want isn't it?"

"More than anything," he replied emphatically, "Besides I practically live here anyway, I haven't slept in my own bed for weeks."

"Good, I want it too. I guess it's decided then, we're moving in together, and we're not just roommates anymore."

"We're a family, and that's all I've ever wanted with you Rach sweetie."

"Come here and kiss me, we might as well make it official," she grinned. He walked slowly towards her, lifted her from her seat at the table and kissed her gently on the lips. At that moment his life seemed perfect. And things could only get better.


	17. Update

You Were Mine

Update & Apology

Hi

To everyone who was reading this story, I am so sorry I haven't updated in so long. To be honest I was a bit stuck after the last chapter and I kept putting off updating in the hope that I would get inspiration! Anyway, hopefully people are still interested in this story and I will hopefully be updating this weekend. I really want to get this story finished and I think I know where I am going with it now – it probably will only be two or three more chapters. Anyway, please keep reading.

Thanks

Louise


	18. Chapter 17

Authors Note

Here is the 17th chapter of my story. I am so sorry it has taken so long and I hope people are still interested enough to read it. There will probably only be one or two more chapters after this, and I promise I won't leave it so long before I update again. Please let me know what you think. I really appreciate people taking the time to comment.

You Were Mine

Chapter 17

The next few weeks passed quickly and spring turned to early summer in a blaze of colour. The weather was unusually mild for the time of year and Rachel often spent afternoons in the park with the children, playing and revelling in the beautiful spring weather. With the baby due in mid July Rachel was becoming increasingly excited about the prospect and Joey was almost bouncing with happiness and anticipation. The problem still remained however of where the family would live when the baby was born. That problem was solved one day in mid May when Joey arrived back at the apartment grinning from ear to ear and bursting to tell Rachel his news.

"Hi sweetie," he called as he came through the door.

"Hi, I'm in the kitchen," hollered Rachel as he shut the door behind him and dumped his bag on the floor. Walking into the kitchen he was reminded once again why he was so happy these days. Rachel sat at the table with the twins either side if her in their highchairs and Emma opposite. All three children were covered in glue, sticky paper and glitter and Rachel sat in the middle of the mess laughing and trying to peel a sticky star off Sam's nose. Joey smiled at the scene before him. "Hey Joe," she grinned, "We were just being artistic, I guess we got a bit carried away."

"I can see that," he said, "What have you been making?"

"We were just making pictures, look at what Emma did."

"Yeah Uncle Joey," yelled Emma, "Look at my picture, look that's you and mommy and me and Sam and Jake."

"That's great Emma girl," he said dropping a kiss on the top of her head and smiling as she grabbed at him with gluey hands.

"Come on kids we should probably clear up now," said Rachel standing up and beginning to gather the craft materials that covered the table. Once the table was clear she lifted the twins out of their chairs and washed their hands and faces at the sink before letting them toddle across the room. Emma jumped down from her chair and followed her brothers and Rachel and Joey were left alone in the kitchen. "So how was your day?" she asked.

"Fine, great in fact. I found somewhere for us to live, oh Rach you gotta see it, its perfect," he enthused.

"Really? Where is it? How did you find it?"

"Well I was walking through the Village this morning on my way to work and I decided to go a different way to what I usually do, so I turned down this street and there it was. Okay, Rach this is just what we wanted, and I can't believe it's for sale. It's amazing."

"How do you know? Did you go inside?"

"Woah with the questions there Rach. Okay so it's about four blocks from here on that little street that runs opposite the bakery, you know?"

"I think so…"

"I read the board outside and then I called the realtor straight away. He told me it has four bedrooms, it's a split level apartment and there's a communal garden that's all enclosed so it'll be safe for the kids to play."

"It sounds fantastic, but I bet its way more than we can afford, even if we pool our money," said Rachel worriedly.

"No, no that's the best bit," said Joey excitedly, "Its going quite cheap 'cos the owner wants a quick sale, he's going to live in France or Germany or somewhere, anyway I think we can afford it. Maybe we'll have to tighten the purse strings for a while afterward but I think it'll be fine."

"Well it certainly sounds wonderful," said Rachel with a smile at his enthusiasm, "Are you gonna set up a viewing?"

"I already did," he said proudly, "Tomorrow at 3pm. I'm gonna get off work early and we can go see it together. Is that okay?"

"That's great, wow this is exciting. Now I really gotta get the kids tea ready."

"Do you need a hand?"

"No its okay, you go and relax, oh and can you stop Jake trying to put building blocks in the video recorder, please?" she asked with a glance through to the lounge where her sons were busy creating havoc as usual.

"Sure," he said kissing her on the lips and strolling through to the lounge.

A couple of hours later the children were fed and bathed and the twins at least were growing sleepy. Rachel smiled; they looked so cute toddling around the room in their sleepsuits. She picked up Sam and cuddled him to her; he smelled irresistibly of baby lotion, milk and that wonderful baby smell that she couldn't quite put her finger on. "Come on little ones," she said hoisting Sam higher in her arms and holding her hand out to Jake who grabbed it and followed her into the bedroom. She tucked them up in their cots and kissed them both tenderly. She left the room, closing the door behind her and left the nightlight burning in the corner. In the lounge Emma was playing one of her favourite games with her dolls and her much-loved teddy bear. Joey held the bear and made him talk with a growly voice that made Emma howl with laughter. They were having so much fun together that Rachel didn't disturb them and simply sat down on the sofa gently massaging her aching back with the flat of her hand. Her bump was growing big now and it was only around eight weeks until the baby was due. She rubbed her belly with her free hand, smiling to herself as the baby shifted inside of her. She hadn't told Joey but she had an intuitive belief that the child she was carrying was a girl.

Eventually Emma and Joey tired of their game and Joey picked her up and carried her over to the sofa. He dropped down next to Rachel and Emma snuggled between them, throwing her arms around her mother's neck. Rachel hugged her daughter, "Come on sweetie, I think it's your bedtime,"

"Aww, not yet mommy, please…" wheedled Emma.

"No come on baby you've stayed up half an hour later than usual already. Say good night to Uncle Joey and I'll take you to bed."

"Hmm, okay," said Emma with a little smile. She clambered onto Joey's lap and hugged him as Rachel stood up. Emma stood on Joey causing him to make an anguished face and held her arms out for her mother to pick her up.

"No, Emma baby I can't carry you at the moment, come on you're a big girl now, you can walk," coaxed Rachel.

"No, want to be carried," pouted Emma.

"I'll carry you," offered Joey.

"No, want mommy," repeated Emma her bottom lip beginning to wobble ominously.

"No Emma, now either you walk or Uncle Joey will carry you," offered Rachel, "Which is it to be?"

"Uncle Joey,"

"Okay, come on then," said Joey hoisting the small girl up in his arms and walking through to the bedroom. Rachel followed, and they both kissed Emma goodnight and tucked her in to her little bed.

"Ohhh, I'm so tired," yawned Rachel as she and Joey sat down on the sofa again and he flicked on the TV.

"Busy day?" he asked as she snuggled against him.

"No more than usual, I think this pregnancy is just taking it out of me. Baby's been very active today."

"Well why don't you go and soak in the bath and I'll bring you a mug of cocoa and then we can have an early night," suggested Joey.

"Sounds good," she smiled sleepily and kissed him on the lips. Joey stood up and helped her up from the sofa. He went into the bathroom and started the taps running while she undressed in their bedroom. She quickly wrapped her dressing gown around her, frowning when it wouldn't fasten completely around her swollen belly, and headed to the bathroom. With a sigh of contentment she sank into the warm soapy water and closed her eyes, enjoying a rare moment of solitude. She could hear Joey in the kitchen unloading the dishwasher and making her drink. He padded past the bathroom door which stood slightly ajar and into their bedroom. She heard him open the closet and put his clothes away before coming back towards the bathroom.

"Can I come in?" he asked as his head appeared around the door.

"Of course, I was just going to get out anyway," said Rachel hauling herself up from the soapy depths of the water. He passed her a towel and she wrapped it around herself before throwing her arms around him and kissing him lightly on the back of his neck as he stood at the sink brushing his teeth. His body was warm in her arms and she gently stroked his naked back. He turned round and smiled at her before taking her in his arms and kissing her. "Come on, lets go to bed," cajoled Rachel taking his hand and leading him into the bedroom. He closed the door behind them and soon all was silent in the apartment.

The following afternoon Rachel and Joey went to look at the apartment he had spotted the previous day. The agent showed them the four bedrooms, one with an ensuite bathroom, the large kitchen-living area and the communal garden area outside. There were a few other families living in the complex and both Joey and Rachel felt that they could make a wonderful home here, and the best thing was that it wasn't far from their friends. That was the one thing that Rachel had dreaded most about moving house, they all spent so much time together that she knew she would miss them immensely if she didn't see them almost everyday. They decided almost immediately that they would put an offer in on the apartment and while Joey talked with the agent Rachel wandered through the apartment idly planning where she would put everything and which bedrooms the children would occupy.

"It really is perfect," said Rachel dreamily as they walked hand in hand to Monica and Chandler's apartment later, "Of course we'll have to baby proof it and put gates on the stairs but that's not a problem."

"I think it'll be great, I hope they accept our offer. If we get a move on we could even move in before the baby's born. What do you think?"

"Hmm, maybe, although to be honest I really don't think I'm gonna be in any state to be moving house in the next few weeks, you know they say its one of the most stressful things you do in your life?"

"Really? Well anyway, even if we don't move in before the baby comes, we'll definitely be in there by the end of the summer," said Joey as they climbed the stairs to Monica and Chandler's apartment.

"Yep," said Rachel with a smile, "I can't wait."

Much to their delight Rachel and Joey's offer on the apartment was soon accepted and as they still had five weeks before the baby was due they decided to move in as soon as possible. Therefore in every spare moment over the next couple of weeks Rachel, Joey and their friends packed and labelled boxes until both Rachel's and Joey's apartments were bare and empty looking. Two days before they were due to move and three weeks before the baby was due Rachel sat alone in her empty apartment. She sighed a little, she was sad to be leaving this apartment where she had so many good memories. Over the past few days as she packed she had found numerous small items that evoked memories, both good and bad for her and what with the sadness of leaving and her raging hormones she had found herself close to tears on a number of occasions. She was startled out of her reverie by a light tap on the door, "It's open," she called, knowing that it would be one of her friends.

"It's only me," said Monica entering the apartment and plonking herself down on the sofa which was surrounded by boxes, "How are you doing?"

"I'm okay," said Rachel with a watery smile, "I was just thinking about all the things that have happened here, all the memories I have."

"Yeah, there's certainly a lot of those," said Monica with a smile and a hug for her friend, "But you and Joey will make new memories in your new apartment, you know I'm almost jealous, it's such a gorgeous place."

"I know, in some ways I can't wait to move, but I'm kinda sad to leave here," acknowledged Rachel.

"It's only natural," reassured Monica.

"Yeah I know. I am excited though, this is a new start for all of us, and I know we're gonna be really happy there,"

"I'm sure you will be. Now why don't you come across the street and you and me and Phoebe will sit and have coffee at Central Perk just like we used to. The guys are looking after the children so we can pretend we're carefree twentysomethings again."

"That sounds good, you always know how to cheer me up Mon, I don't know what I'd do without you," said Rachel gratefully.

They walked down the stairs and across the street to the coffee house that held so many memories for both of them. Phoebe was there already waiting for them in her usual place on the orange sofa. Rachel and Monica sat down on either side of her and gave their orders to the waiter who approached them. Rachel waved to Gunther who sat on a stool behind the bar. He waved back shyly and then almost fell off his stool in his excitement that she had noticed him. Rachel however was oblivious to this as the three girls were already immersed in their usual chatter. They stayed for a couple of hours chatting and laughing about old times, the funny things they had done and that had happened to them. Eventually Rachel yawned and stretched, "I really need to go to bed," she said with a grin, "And it feels like Baby is doing aerobics in here," she said patting her belly.

The other two smiled, "Yeah I guess we should get going," said Phoebe, "But this has been fun, we never hang out just us three anymore."

"We'll have to make a regular date, at least once a month when we can forget all about children and husbands and jobs and just be us again," said Monica.

"Yeah that'd be fun," agreed Rachel, "Although I don't think I'm gonna be able to leave the baby for a while."

"Well he or she can be an honorary guest for a while," laughed Phoebe.

"I think it's a girl," said Rachel quietly.

"How do you know?"

"I dunno, its just intuition I guess, I can just feel it. Does that sound weird?"

"No, I think its perfectly logical," replied Phoebe, "I think people should listen to their intuition more, I reckon it's usually right."

"Come on then, let's go," said Monica standing up and helping Rachel up. The three women pulled on their jackets and headed for the door where they parted ways, Monica turning left and entering the next building and Rachel and Phoebe crossing the street. Rachel entered her building and Phoebe continued on down the street to her apartment building three blocks down. Once inside her building Rachel hurried up the stairs as fast as her bump would allow her and watched phoebe from the window until she disappeared into her building. They always did this for each other, wanting to make sure that they all got home safely. Joey came to stand by her at the window and wrapped his arms around her bulging waist.

"Did you have a good time?" he asked dropping a kiss on her upturned face.

"Yeah it was nice," she replied, "Were the children good?"

"They were fine and I got them off to bed with no trouble. And now I think its time for you to go to bed too," he said as she stifled another yawn.

"I think so too, I'm so tired."

"I can see that," he said laughing, "Come on then."

They were soon settled in bed, snuggled together, arms and legs entwined. "I love you Joey Tribbiani," whispered Rachel.

"I love you too Rachel Geller," said Joey into the darkness, but she was already asleep safe in his arms.


	19. Chapter 18

Late July soon gave way to August and over the following weeks Joey and Rachel gave notice on their apartments and began to pack up their stuff. Joey had been to see the new apartment with Rachel and agreed that it was a good move to make.

After that things moved quickly and by the first week of September they were ready to move in. As Rachel said it wasn't the most ideal time to be moving house when she was heavily pregnant and due to give birth in just over two weeks but they wanted to get it over and done with before the baby came. The night before the move Emma and the twins were collected by Ross and Monica's parents who would look after them for the next couple of days. Rachel had explained to them that they would be moving to a new apartment and Emma at least was excited about having her own room. After the children were gone Rachel stood in her home surrounded by the boxes that contained her life. She was emotional and tired but she had told Joey that she wanted to be alone for a while. She was sad to be leaving this apartment and all the good times that she had had here. But she realised it was time to move on, it was only practical. It wasn't possible for a family of six to live in a poky two bedroom apartment on the fourth floor. The new apartment was much bigger and had the advantage of being on the ground floor with a patch of garden for the children to play in. As she looked around she wondered what her life would have been like now if Ross were still alive. Would they be having another child, would they have moved house by now, Ross had always said that they'd move to the suburbs one day, live in a proper house? She had realised long ago that there was no point in 'what ifs' but she often wondered nonetheless.

Suddenly the door opened making Rachel jump and Monica crept in. Silently she walked over to Rachel, enveloping her in a hug that told her she understood something of what she was feeling.

"You don't want to leave do you?" she asked sympathetically.

"I do, I do want to leave, it's just hard you know," said Rachel trying to hold back her tears, "This was Ross's apartment, it's like I'm leaving him behind you know. I just don't want to ever forget him, that's what scares me. What if one day I wake up and I can't picture his face, can't remember everything about him?"

"That's not gonna happen Rach, you know you'll never forget him, you're just tired and upset, it's been a long day."

"Yeah I guess. I still miss him though."

"I know, we all do. Come on why don't you come over to our apartment, everyone else is over there."

"Yeah I guess. Thanks Mon, you always manage to cheer me up. I guess you're right, I am just tired and the baby's been kicking me all day. I'll be glad when she is born."

"Have you thought of any names?" Monica asked as she helped her friend into her coat.

"Well, I like Daisy for a girl or Jasmine is nice as well."

"What about if it's a boy?"

"Well I kind of like Matthew or Alex, but I really think it's a girl. What do you think?"

"Well they're all nice but I do like Daisy," said Monica thoughtfully as they walked down the stairs and across the road, "What does Joey think?"

"Well he's kinda set on having a boy; he's the one who suggested Alex."

"Oh right what do you think it is?"

"I think it's a girl, even though I don't really mind, but I just have this feeling that it's a girl you know?"

"Yeah, well Joey will be happy either way, I'm sure."

"Yeah I haven't told him I think it's a girl; I don't want to get his hopes up. He'll have to wait and see," she grinned.

By this time Rachel and Monica had arrived back at the apartment and entered to find the others watching a comedy on TV; as it came to an end Phoebe and Steve got up and gathered their things before leaving with Faye and Eleanor. Monica and Chandler quickly put Katy and Daniel to bed before coming to sit on the sofa next to Joey and Rachel who had fallen asleep her head on Joey's shoulder.

"Is she alright?" asked Chandler.

"Yeah, she's fine, she's just tired," answered Joey.

"It's been a stressful day for her," said Monica, "And tomorrow will be even worse."

"I know, we'll just have to try and make her rest as much as possible while we shift everything around," said Joey.

"It's not just that though," said Monica, "She was quite upset tonight, I think she needs to be reassured that she's doing the right thing. She said she feels like she's leaving Ross behind."

"That's crazy," said Joey.

"It might sound crazy Joey, but to her it seems real," said Monica, "She's tired, emotional and upset and that isn't helped by the fact that she's gonna give birth any day now. She just needs you to be there for her."

"Yeah I know and she knows it too deep down, like you said it's a bad time for her. Once we've moved and the baby's born I'm gonna take her on a holiday. She deserves it. You know I feel so guilty about not being here for her these last few months, but what could I do?"

"Don't worry Joe, she'll pick up once the baby's born. She doesn't blame you for leaving her, she's just glad you're back now."

"Yeah well I guess I'd better get her home, it seems a shame to wake her though."

Gently Joey woke Rachel and helped her on with her coat before they walked back across the street. She was still half asleep and allowed Joey to undress her and put her in her pyjamas before he laid her on the bed and covered her over with her blankets. Quietly and quickly he too undressed and lay down next to her sleeping form.

The following day Rachel woke early refreshed by a good night's sleep. She awkwardly got out of bed leaving Joey to sleep and lumbered into the kitchen. Quietly she made herself a cup of tea and sat down at the kitchen table massaging her hugely swollen belly. This morning everything seemed a lot brighter. She did want to move, she was looking forward to living with Joey properly and she couldn't wait for the baby to be born. She knew she would never forget Ross; the children would make sure of that. Soon Joey woke and came to join her. He made them breakfast which she wolfed down hungrily before she hurriedly dressed in her joggers and a hoodie, the only clothes that seemed to fit her now. Together they packed up the last of the boxes before the others arrived with the hired van. Joey had taken his stuff over to the new apartment yesterday so today was devoted to moving Rachel's stuff and unpacking it all at the other end.

The morning passed quickly in a whirl of activity and by lunchtime all the boxes and furniture had arrived at the new apartment. Rachel had locked the door of her old apartment for the last time and handed the keys over to the super. Over a lunch of sandwiches that Monica had brought from home Rachel told the guys where she wanted all the furniture putting and they soon got to work. Meanwhile Monica, Phoebe and Rachel started unpacking the boxes and putting things away although Monica and Phoebe would allow Rachel to do very little. As the afternoon wore on Rachel became increasingly tired and was happy to sit and watch as the others unpacked. Finally it was all more or less done and the apartment was ready for Emma, Jake and Sam to come home. Katy, Daniel, Faye and Eleanor had all been with Jack and Judy for the day and at about half past six Phoebe and Steve went to fetch all the children from Monica and Ross's exhausted parents. By 8.00 everyone had gone home and Rachel, Joey, Emma, Jake and Sam were left to settle into their new apartment. The children were excited and hurriedly explored their new surroundings. Emma was ecstatic with her new bedroom and soon settled in. The twins too seemed quite happy with their new home. Although they were excited they were tired after their long day and went quite readily to bed when Rachel had read them a story. Rachel also was exhausted after her very tiring day and by 9.30 Joey was left alone in the lounge contemplating his new life. He was happy that Rachel had agreed to live with him and he was excited about the impending birth of his child but he was more than a little scared. He still didn't have a job although he had been to several auditions, but what worried him more was whether he was going to be a good father to his child. He knew that he had looked after the twins since they were tiny but now that it was his own child he began to doubt his abilities. Eventually tired he decided to go to bed. In the bedroom he found Rachel fast asleep spread out across the bed arms and legs everywhere. He smiled at her watching her sleep breathing in and out with a deep steady rhythm. Quickly he undressed and climbed into bed next to her, pushing her over slightly to make some room for himself and gathering her warm body in his arms.

Over the next few days Rachel and Joey put the finishing touches to their apartment, putting up pictures, hanging new blinds and getting the cot ready for the new baby who would occupy it very soon. It was about a week after they had moved that Rachel began to feel the first twinges of her labour. She was at home alone with Sam and Jake as Joey had gone off to another audition and Emma was at school. Slowly and carefully she heaved herself up off the sofa where she had been reading Jake and Sam a story and went to the telephone to call Joey. She dialled his cell phone number praying he'd pick up but all she got was his voicemail. Next she tried both Monica and Phoebe's home numbers but they were both out. Becoming desperate and with the pain beginning to intensify she dialled Monica's work number, hoping frantically that she was there. She wasn't. Rachel didn't know what else to do, but she knew that she needed help soon. Reluctantly she dialled 911 for an ambulance hoping all the time that Joey would get his voicemail soon and come home before the ambulance came. Fifteen minutes after she had phoned for the ambulance it arrived and the paramedics helped her into the back along with the twins. With the lights flashing and the sirens wailing Rachel was whisked to the hospital. Joey hadn't arrived home in time and she had left him a message on the fridge that she was at the hospital. Throughout the journey the pains in her abdomen were getting worse and as they pulled into the hospital car park her waters broke. The twins by now were thoroughly scared at what was happening to their mother and were howling loudly. Between her contractions Rachel tried desperately to comfort them. She was soon admitted to a ward and examined by the doctor on duty. He told her she was only two centimetres dilated and had a while to wait. This reassured her slightly and about half an hour after she was admitted Joey arrived rushing through the doors completely out of breath. The twins were still by her side but had calmed down now that Rachel was calmer.

"Rach, are you okay? I got your message, I came as quickly as I could," panted Joey.

"Yeah, I'm okay I think, don't worry, it'll be a while yet, I'm only two centimetres dilated."

"Okay, I don't really know what that means, but as long as you're okay."

"Yeah, well I have to be ten centimetres before I'm allowed to push."

"Oh right."

"Joe, can you do me a favour, get hold of Monica or Phoebe and ask them to come and pick up Sam and Jake and fetch Emma after school."

"Yeah sure, there's a phone down the corridor. Come on you two," he picked the twins up off the bed and deposited them on the floor. They each grabbed one of his hands and they toddled off down the corridor to the phone with Joey. The woman in the bed next to Rachel leaned over to her.

"Are they twins, aren't they gorgeous, how old are they?" she asked.

"Yeah they're twins, they're two now, just getting into that stage where they're into everything you know."

"You sound experienced."

"Yeah I have a daughter as well, she's at school."

"Oh right, this is my first baby, I'm Heather by the way."

"I'm Rachel and this is my fourth baby, I must be mad," she joked.

"I'd love to have a big family like that, was that your husband there?"

"Oh no, Joey isn't my husband, we just live together, it's kinda complicated you know?"

"Oh right, my husband had just gone to the café to get a drink, he'll probably be back in a minute, his name's Bob."

"Oh okay, ohhhh, ohhhh my god, oww, ohhhh,"

"Are you okay?"

"Just a contraction, I'll be alright in a minute," panted Rachel as the pain seized her body. This was her worst contraction so far and it felt like her body was being squeezed by a giant elastic band. Finally it was over and she lay back against her pillows breathing heavily.

"Wow that didn't sound good, are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, don't worry I'm fine. How are you getting on?"

"Oh I'm having a caesarean later today, I don't have to worry about contractions or pushing or anything horrible like that."

"Wow really, I mean I know it's painful, but I'd rather give birth naturally, it's a real achievement."

"Yeah I guess, but why go through all that pain when they can just anaesthetise you, cut you open and pull the baby out?"

"Well I'd rather do it this way."

Just then Joey came back from the phone carrying the twins who had obviously got tired of walking. "I phoned Mon, she'll be here in about half an hour,"

"Oh right, great."

"How you getting on Rach, can I get you anything?" asked Joey anxiously.

"Yeah I'm okay, don't worry, I think it'll be a while yet Joe."

"Oh right okay, well I guess I'll just sit here then." He sat down awkwardly in the chair at the side of the bed while the twins played with their toy cars on the bed next to Rachel. They sat in silence for a while the quiet only interrupted by occasional moans of pain from Rachel whenever a contraction hit. Eventually Monica arrived in a state of great excitement to collect the twins.

"Hey guys, how are you doing Rach? How long is it going to be do you think?"

"I dunno yet, but I think it could be a while. I'm only two centimetres."

"Well I guess I'd better get going if I'm gonna be in time to pick Emma up from school. Do you want me to tell her where you are?"

"Yeah of course, just tell her I've gone to get the new baby and she can come see us tomorrow. Are you sure you're gonna be okay looking after them?"

"Yeah it's fine, don't worry."

"Thanks Mon."

Monica and Joey quickly got the twins into their coats and let Rachel kiss them goodbye before she led them off down the ward. They soon disappeared from view and Rachel leaned back against her pillows with a sigh.

"Are you okay Rach?" asked Joey nervously.

"Yeah I guess, I gotta tell you Joe, I'm a little scared."

"Why, you've done all this before, I mean you're practically a pro."

"Yeah I know but I dunno, after last time I don't know if I'm gonna cope. I mean four kids Joey, it's a lot."

"We'll be fine Rach, you've got me now to help you out and anyway this is my baby as well, I won't just leave you to do everything you know."

"Yeah I know, I'm sorry, it just seems the last few years have been such a struggle and I don't know how much more I can deal with. I just need a break."

"Well I promise that after the baby's born we're gonna go on a nice holiday and you can have a complete rest."

"Oh wow, that would be great Joe, thanks. Joe you are excited about this baby aren't you, I mean you're gonna be a daddy."

"I know, I can't wait Rach, its gonna be so fantastic. I'm gonna teach him or her to ride their bike and cheer on the Knicks and the Yankees. It's gonna be so cool."

"Yeah, you'll be a great dad Joe, but there's one thing I gotta ask you. It's just, well, you won't treat Emma, Sam and Jake any different will you. I mean I know they're not your kids but you're the nearest thing they've got to a dad now and they need you."

"Of course I won't treat them any different, I love them to bits you know that. I love them because they're a part of you and they're a part of Ross, I just hope I'm doing a good job. I wonder what Ross would think of it all?"

"I think Ross would be happy that you were looking after them, and me," she grinned before suddenly grimacing as a huge contraction hit her and she doubled over in pain. She moaned and cried out as the pain overwhelmed her. Joey was quickly by her side, holding her hand and rubbing her back as she struggled through the contraction. Finally it was over and the doctor approached to check how she was progressing with her labour. She quickly examined her and announced that she was now six centimetres dilated and well on her way to giving birth.

Over the next few hours Joey and Rachel sat close together, sometimes talking sometimes sitting in companionable silence. As the clock approached midnight Rachel's contractions began to get worse and worse until they were coming every couple of minutes. Just after midnight she was taken to the delivery room, Joey at her side holding her hand tightly. By now she was in a lot of pain and desperate to push. All the time Joey was by her side urging her on and encouraging her when the pain got too much.

"Okay Rachel," said the doctor eventually, "We're ready for you to push now, next time you get a contraction just give a good strong push okay?"

"Yeah," she gasped as the contraction came and she pushed with all her might to give birth to her child. Soon the contraction was over and she leaned back against the pillows exhausted already.

"Good Rachel, you're doing well, another big push like that and the head will be out."

"Yeah Rach you're doing good," said Joey, "You can do it."

Soon the next contraction came and again Rachel pushed with all her strength desperate for the ordeal to be over.

"Good Rachel, the head's out now, another couple of big pushes should do it," said the doctor encouragingly. As another contraction came she pushed again and slowly the baby was born. She squealed loudly as she was delivered and Joey gasped with amazement at the tiny child lying on the bed. The nurse quickly gathered her up and dried her off before handing her to Rachel to hold.

"Congratulations," said the doctor, "You have a daughter."

Both Joey and Rachel gazed silently at the new little person that they had made before Rachel burst into noisy tears rivalling the cries of her newborn baby girl.

"Wow Rach, she's amazing," whispered Joey, "We have a little girl, I can't believe it. Wow."

"She's gorgeous isn't she?" asked Rachel happily, "Here you hold her." She carefully passed the baby to Joey who sat next to her on the bed and cradled the tiny child in his arms. She had stopped crying by now and was snuffling in her blankets for milk.

"Here Rach, you better have her back, I think she's hungry," said Joey reluctantly handing the baby over to Rachel who unbuttoned her pyjama top for her to feed at her breast.

By the time Rachel had gotten cleaned up and was back on the ward it was early morning and she was beginning to feel the effects of her exhausting night. She snuggled down to sleep, her new baby next to her in her crib. Joey left her to sleep and went off to phone everyone and tell them the good news. They all promised to come down to the hospital later in the afternoon when Rachel had had chance to rest and sleep. Later in the morning when Rachel had woken she and Joey sat together on the bed trying to come up with a name for their new child. Joey was set on Holly and eventually they decided that she would be named Holly Alexandra. "Holly Alexandra Tribbiani," said Rachel happily. Joey just smiled, he could hardly believe he had a child. At about 4.00 the others arrived with Emma and the twins. The other children had been left with Monica's parents as they didn't want to cause too much of an uproar in the hospital, and Steve was at work. When they arrived they all crowded around the bed despite the fact that there was only supposed to be two visitors at the time. Rachel and Joey proudly showed off their baby girl to an admiring audience of Phoebe, Chandler, Monica, Emma, Sam and Jake. Rachel's children were excited to meet their new sister and be reunited with their mother.

"So guys, what's her name?" asked Phoebe excitedly.

"Well we decided to call her Holly Alexandra," said Joey proudly, "What do you think?"

"Yeah that's a nice name," said Chandler as Rachel passed the baby to Monica to hold.

"Isn't she gorgeous," said Monica, "And look at all that hair, I think she's gonna be fair like you Rach. How much does she weigh?"

"Eight pounds seven ounces," said Joey promptly.

"I always seem to have huge babies," said Rachel tiredly, "I mean look how big the twins were, Sam was six pounds four ounces and Jake was five pounds eleven ounces. That's really big for twins."

"Yeah, and Emma was big too wasn't she?" asked Phoebe.

"Yeah she was eight pounds four ounces."

"So little Holly is the biggest so far?" said Joey happily.

"Er, what do you mean so far Joe? I'm not doing that again," joked Rachel wearily.

"Come on guys we'd better go," said Chandler, "I think Rachel's tired."

"Thanks for coming you guys, I think they're gonna let me come home tomorrow, so we'll see you then," said Rachel.

"Yeah sure, we'll look after the kids for you till then. They've been really good so far."

"Thanks." Rachel quickly hugged her children before they all went back to Monica and Chandler's for tea.

The following day Rachel and baby Holly were allowed to go home and everyone gathered at Rachel and Joey's new apartment to welcome them home. Rachel smiled happily as her new daughter was passed around and everyone talked excitedly. She was still drained and tired from the birth and she sat quietly letting the conversation flow over her. She thought how different this homecoming was from the time she had the twins when everyone was still too overcome by grief to be really happy about their birth. Back then she had thought she would never get over Ross's death but slowly and surely with Joey's love and support she had. She still thought of him every day but the thoughts no longer caused her anguish. Eventually everyone decided it was time to go home and Rachel and Joey were alone at last with their family. Rachel sat on the sofa nursing baby Holly with Emma, Jake and Sam gathered around her watching their new sister eagerly and clamouring to hold her. Joey coming into the room saw the happy picture and came to join them, picking Emma up from her spot on the sofa and sitting down with her on his knee. For a long while they just sat enjoying each other's closeness and company until eventually all the children fell asleep.

"Thank you Joey," whispered Rachel, "I love you so much, always remember that."

"I love you Rach, and I promise I will never ever leave you. You can depend on me."

"I know. Joey, will you marry me?"

"What? Er, what? Well yeah. Yeah Rach, I'll marry you!"

"You mean that?"

"Yeah, wow Rach where did that come from?"

"I dunno, I just know I love you and I want to be with you always."

"Okay."

Epilogue

Joey Tribbiani and Rachel Gellar were married the following June. They had a small wedding with just their friends and close family. Chandler was Joey's best man and as Joey stood next to him watching Rachel walk towards him in her flowing white dress he wondered at how something so amazing, so wonderful could come from such a tragedy. Symbolically they had left an empty seat in the front row where Monica, Phoebe, Steve and the children sat. None of them would ever forget Ross but they felt that he would have given his blessing to Rachel and Joey's union. As they repeated their vows to each other both saw ahead a future full of hope and laughter, each of them knowing how lucky they were to have the other to hold onto and love forever.


End file.
